The Fragile Balance

OK, so things have gotten worse with my mom. She's now in the ICU. My dad said they found blood clots in her lungs, and in her leg, which is very swollen. They are postponing the surgery. She'll be in the hospital for at least 7 days.

On top of all this, the hospital she's in is closing on Saturday - the day after tomorrow. So they're gonna have to move her. Her condition is fragile--- They are moving all the patients in a parade of ambulances. What a spectacle it will be. Sad parade.

Every time my phone rang yesterday, it was traumatizing, because my dad's reports of the situation became progressively more disconcerting.

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I'm at work now. I went to the post office to mail off 7 poems for submission to Handsome. How I hope they publish me. I would love to have some work printed in a nicely bound journal. The things I presented were mostly lyrics, but as Joseph told me, the greatest musicians are really gifted poets. And again, I think on Jim Morrison suggesting to Nico that she read Blake and Coleridge.

Today is the last day for submission, and I work well under pressure - minimally editing them late last night, my mind finally able to focus.

Listened to Garvy J on WMFO last night. Sounded very pretty ~ the freqs all blending harmoniously. Josh's voice is nice and soothing. In the interview afterwards, he mentioned how he wants to play new places and I can relate. I'm always on the search for the new - the things to make me feel alive and not dull, stale, and like everything is set in cement. To flow. But then, I often feel like a baby constantly discovering things about this world. Like I've been here before. Like I've got all of humankind's memory and history in my brain, but that I have to live it out for myself.

I have not been able to rest very well the past few nights. Jet lag and my mom have kept my unconscious mind go-go-going. It's as if I can feel a kind of buzzing while I sleep.

I can't wait for the weekend. I long to rest. Although, the horoscope says the weekend is supposed to be wild with the moon waxing...Monday is the last full moon of the year 2006 AD.

I've got to prepare some lead sheets for the band for practice tonight. Looking forward to that. Looking over my old ideas can delightfuly spark new ones.

New Ritual

Om. Zen blog.

Got back home last night. And as is typical of me, I wasn't even home for more than an hour before I left.

I had to go make music. I missed my sweet-stringed instruments dearly as though they were the offspring of my womb. And the songs they inspire...

I have a new ritual; I go grocery shopping and take the groceries with me to the rehearsal space. It's just become more convenient that way, due to my hectic schedule.

The lettuce sat there in the bag while I rocked out on my banjer and mando. I hope I didn't do any structural damage to it...

And OMG, I've discovered chorus!! Lookout world. My next album will be called, "When Girls Play with Effects". Not really, of course.

I've been feeling extremely positive lately. One of my friends who lives on the West Coast said he hadn't ever heard me speak so positively before.

I felt some negativity trying to eat its way into my soul again, but something automatic is keeping it at bay.

It's like when the muse comes, and does its thing and I have no say. Must OBEY.

Currently listening : Celebrity Skin

Holiday Report

In Texas now.

Family totally distracting me. Literally. My dad just asked me what I was doing and what a blog is.

I came home this year to find my mom in a wheelchair with a fractured hip. She is really suffering right now. She's a very active person and this is making her pretty bitter. I heard her asking God why this happened to her. I told her, though I am agnostic, not to question God. Seems like a slippery slope.

If she stays off her feet, which she is trying to do, it should heal on its own. The alternative is surgery...

She just got a nice new car, but can't even drive it yet. I got to drive it yesterday and it was fun.

The dusk here is so nice. The hues of the big beautiful Texas sky surrounding and enveloping all. A peaceful quiet descends. Smells of mesquite that are real and so much better than the incense cones of pinon I sometimes have to light.

Here there are TVs and radios, sometimes simultaneously, on.

I feel very lethargic today. Everything here is designed for cars, not walking. The lack of motion and movement makes me so sleepy.

Hung out with JJ and Marisol {LA friends}, who happen to be in town visitng their relatives too, and staying nearby. We went to a rock show downtown on Thanksgiving night. Bands included: Lethargic, Death Row Skull, and The Turkeys. Yes, I can say I saw the Turkeys on Turkey Day.

This morning I listened to Victor Venckus's Expanding Awareness Radio Show on 90.3fm WZBC in Newton, MA. First, I listened intently to the astrology report, as presented by Dietrich Pessin. I try to listen every Saturday - mostly via stream these years due to my poor radio reception...It's on at about 9:45am. I know I've mentioned it here before, but I think it's awesome. Dietrich's voice has comforted me in her regularity for over 8 years now.

The part of the show about the paranormal today dealt with Montauk, NY. And something called the Montauk Project. There was a guest on who apparently has written a series of books on the phenomena occurring there. I forget his name but he was pretty adamant. He spoke of interferences of electro-magnetic fields, Nazis, and Stepford wives. Who knew Montauk had so much going on? But the main point was about synchronicity.

Synchronicity is defined as "Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related, conceived in Jungian theory as an explanatory principle on the same order as causality" and the funny thing is that even upon hearing this show at this particular time in my life I feel I am experiencing it for myself. Not the first time. One in a series of many.

Montauk. Yeah, apt right now. I am not at liberty to elaborate, dear reader, and I am not trying merely to tease you either. But my lips are partly sealed on a few fronts. And I, of which surely you must by now be aware, have a hard time keeping details of my life quiet for ANY length of time, substantial or not.

Speaking of devils and them appearing/calling etc. and on and on.

Sometimes I think so hard about someone they appear in my life in some way.

Twilight Singers

Current mood: working

Last night, I went to see the Twilight Singers. Mark Lanegan was there too.

It was a pretty fun show. I rarely go out to shows these days, but I had been looking forward to this one for a little while, especially 'cause I missed 'em last time.

The band was so funny about smoking onstage. They all smoked very proudly throughout the entire show. Puffing away like it was their last day of smoking or something...Greg Dulli had a handy little attachment to his mic stand that held his drink and an ashtray.

He had a pretty guitar - black, a Gibson Les Paul, I think. Sounded real nice.

Mark Lanegan came up onstage only a few times, and I didn't recognize any of those songs...I only have one of the band's albums. There was totally annoying feedback during a few of his numbers, and during the first song, it seemed like they didn't turn the mic on the poor chap until a minute or two had gone by.

I'm not so interested in "ROCK" these days, but the Twilight Singers do it right. Piano, guitars, percussion. Big sound. Energetic, passionate, desperate, genuine.

I didn't catch Greg Dulli snorting any lines of his amp this time...maybe those days are in the past?

I left after the first song or two of the encore. I wanted to hear Strange Fruit, or some other songs from the album I had, but I was tired and had to work the next day, so I split. Plus, that day I suffered a small puncture wound to my right thumb while changing strings on my new mando.

RE::NYC
My trip was fruitful. I did some business down there that could lead to recording in January, and on 2" tape, which rocks my world!!

Hung out with my Bliss. She's got so much great advice on showbiz, and matters of the heart.

We went to see "The Prestige", with Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman. Bale's character was not so appealing to me. I guess it may not make sense, but I thought he was WAY hotter in American Psycho. Whew! The movie was good, though - lots of double-crossing, etc.

Funny, last time I was in New York, I was hanging out in a park and the friend I was with thought he saw Christian Bale walk by...

The Deficiency

Current mood: hungry
Category: Life

Coming into NYC by coach last night, I spotted some folks hanging out on a rooftop. I thought they were barbecuing, but they were actually filming something...I saw the high-powered lights like the kind we used making Joe's video.

The dusk, my favorite time of day, was gorgeous and left me feeling dreamy, passing through Connecticut. Misty, smoky sfumato. Water and lights in the dusk. Sleepy. Ocean culture. Made me want to eat seafood by the ocean.

Finished the Jimmy Scott bio. Pleasant reading. A cautionary tale of how not to handle business affairs.

My dear friend and former boss once said when he was in music engineering school some bigshot came to lecture and said, "There are two kinds of people in this business - lions and lambs." Some folks, lambs, play by the rules and do everything by the book. Then there are lions who just do it. And roar. But the point with all of this was that if you're a lion, you better cover yr ass in case something goes awry.

As I mentioned before, Jimmy Scott suffers from Kallman's Syndome - preventing onset of puberty. In the book, David Ritz explains that Jimmy refers to this manhood issue as The Deficiency. They talk openly with him and his multiple ex-wives about it. The wives always claim he was a fine lover. One passage described his first sexual encounter with one these women. Apparently Jimmy said, "I hope I don't offend you. I've got a short joint." So polite. I've never been warned like that...

Beautiful World

So hope is very high after this blessed election. Winds of change sweeping in.

I just hope that real progress and work takes place.

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I've noticed Goldfrapp is being used in at least 2 TV commercials...

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Here are some wonderful Turkish songs a friend sent me the link to:

http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/turkish.mp3
http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/turkishvx.mp3
http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/TurkishIndian.mp3
http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/love1_1.htm

They are from Rob Chalfen's website.

They make me feel like a happy Ottoman.

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My mood is pretty happy yesterday and today:)

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I'm probably going to NYC this weekend, to visit Bliss and do some business. Some very positive things are in the works.

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I quit a band for the second time this year. The time has come for me to focus and get more serious, and with the long haul of winter coming on, I must conserve energy.

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I burn a candle almost every night. When I was in Prague summer '05, Erik's gfriend Heather would burn a little candle at night, late when we came home from exploring the city. It was in a brass stand. Such a simple thing, but the awe of man to fire still affects. {California}

It could also have something to do with the fact that I've been sightreading Bartok for piano lately.

Ne menj el.

Currently reading : Faith in Time: The Life of Jimmy Scott By David Ritz Release date: By 02 September, 2003

Melange

Well well well...

I very much enjoyed the full moon last weekend. The nights here were clear and crisp, with the BIG moon (((O))) shining.

I'm excited to get out an' VOTE today.

Had some strange dreams lately. The usual alpacalyptic kind.

Went to see the artwork of John Lennon in Harvard Square on Sunday. Left me feeling like love is possible and hope for humanity and peace...I got a real kick out of seeing his handwritten lyrics. I love that stuff. To see it in the writer's own handwriting...The show was a benefit for the Brattle Theatre and I wanted to show support.

It was also interesting to read the descriptions of each piece - commentary. I wonder if it was all written by Yoko. There was one piece that was lyrics to a song about him choosing between Cynthia and Yoko. He said that situation made him feel suicidal.

Had a show Sunday, solo and with Narcoterror. The solo set went pretty well. There were a few clams, but who's counting. Sometimes, I get MORE nervous as the show progresses instead of calming down. I did a new song, though, and that always feels so damn good.

Warren came out. That was nice, like candleight and DuBonnet on ice...Paradise...

Anyway, I got so into one of the NT songs, that as soon as my hand hit my little riq, I broke it! That was exciting to me.

I'm currently reading about the jazz singer Jimmy Scott, and boy is he fascinating. He came through Boston not that long ago, and I hope he will again, though he's probably like 83 by now...This book, written by David Ritz, is most inspiring. What musicians, especially black musicians, went through back then is so humbling to me.

My guitar teacher encourages me to get behind the beat, and Jimmy Scott lives behind the beat. Maybe there's somethiing to it...

I'm excited about the new band. We're making recording plans that could involve travel.

An Accounting

Pix from my rock show the other night from Sid of Too Much Rock fame:
http://toomuchrock.com/shows/guillermo.html

More pix by another attendee (Dean Splean):

http://splean.org/files/20061024-3.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-90.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-91.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-92.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-93.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-94.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-95.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-96.jpg

Don't forget to watch TV in Somerville this Friday. 8PM Channel 3 and you'll see me.

I'm looking forward to Sunday at ZuZu. I'm perfing solo and with Narcoterror.

I'll be doing covers by Marianne Faithfull, Nick Cave (Roland S.Howard, technically), Nico, and some new pieces I'm PSYCHED about, including the debut of my song about The Cloud Club. That one's been in the making for 3 years...

Be amongst those who hear it first this Sunday at ZuZu. It's a free show fer Chrissakes...10PM.

Also check out this video clip from PURE - the art show I was part of a few weeks back. You can see me in it briefly, in my fez, and you can hear my accordion...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh6k4BggTdk