Factory Made

Just a quick note about what I'm reading. Excellent book on Andy and the Factory miscreants.

Spoiled and splendid.

Andy's hard road to fame is inspiring.

Work, think, create, display, reward.

Remember the Rothko blogs I did? Well, the worlds of Rothko and Andy Warhol were more than tangent - I see the names of the same galleries, dealers, etc. in this book as the Rothko one...it's familiar.

I like reading about people, so the details of how much various painitngs went for and the like don't interest me much.

My Best Fiend deux redux

Saw it!!!!!!!!!

Loved it. Fascinating study of a relationship mostly between Klaus Kinski and Werner Herzog.

Now I must see Herzog's films. And Kinski's.

Kinski made me want to embrace my intensity and let it out more. Though I swear if a woman did the things he did, they'd just lock her up and throw away the key and let her hair turn gray as she rotted alone in a cold stone tower or dungeon.

He was SO violent and out of control at times that he nearly KILLED some fellow actors/extras. Truly. But it turned out that this rage and his tantrums were necessary for him to get into an appropriate artistic space. Herzog realized after a turn that Kinski needed to be pushed and thereby stimulated. The movie repeatedly mentioned extremity leading to unparalleled heights.

He shot off part of one man's finger. He hit another man in the head with a sword, and though the man survived (due to a metal helmet), he still has a scar.

But apparently he was quite gentle with the ladies. On the last day of shooting one film, his co-star couldn't stop crying. He comforted her.

Apparently he was very prissy about cleanliness. When sitting down to eat, he would first clean everything with alcohol - plates, utensils, glasses. And wash his hands immediately upon shaking hands with someone.

They crashed ships into mountains (repeatedly) to make one film. A cameraman's hand was split open. Ugh. They lived in the jungle for months - filming with Indians, Amazon chicks, etc. They used monkees and ocelots...

Apparently, Kinski freaked out the Indians with his loud outbursts. They have a different way of dealing with things. All human contact is gentle. Reminds me of W, especially when we first met. The Indian chief got very quiet as the others huddled around him. Apparently his silence is what really scared them.

The chief offered to kill Kinski to Herzog. He claimed he only declined because he still needed him for shooting, though he hated to keep the Indians from their purpose...

Well, I haven't taken out any hits on any partners or colleagues. Yet. Though I have thrown some punches. Yeah, the fist kind.

My Best Fiend

Oh, huh huh. Caffeine kicking in!

So many thoughts whirling around in me head.

Nice day out finally, but still I find myself inside. At least I'm outta the house.

Cafe day.

Plans plans. I need to sit down and come up with a budget and how to get there. I need to have a TQ bakesale er sumthin'.

I need about $4000 to put out some excellent music. Need investors.

I also wanna come up with some exotic wardrobe for Turkish Queen purposes. I'm referring to Turkish Queen LLC, natch. This means all public performance appearances by yours truly.

It's tough and complex because I'm looking to express my inner Turk and Texan simultaneuosly. I want a look that's youthful but not too playful since it wouldn't match the mood of the music...Eastern Western is what I'm thinkin'.

I woke up in a good mood this morning. A blessing after how I was feeling last night and yesterday. Sometimes I depend too much on other people for my own happiness and that's just wrong. That doesn't make it easy not to, though.

Dun Paris, Texas seyrettim. Iyi bir filim. Sevdim.

It touched me when they showed Houston. The skyline of the Space City. My home town. Where I used feel depressed in the slow heat. I would really lose it if I lived there, I think. Too small and slow. Even though Boston's smaller, it's wider somehow. And I don't need a solitary car to live here.

Everyone isolated in moving rooms.

I specifically picked a movie I thought would NOT involve a love story 'cause I was feeling a little raw and sensitive, and of course it turned into a love story involving my hometown. Jeez. Is that kismet or what!?

I wanted to watch My Best Fiend about Werner Herzog v. Klaus Kinski, but they didn't have it at the sto'. Today, I will procure it. I am compelled!!!!

There is a tour possiblity on my horizon. With MLL. Pray for me and send me good vibes that my hard work and diligence will be rewarded. You can bet I'd do a tour diary, too:)

A word or five about shooting videos:
It's a funny business. An actual director's chair, yes, but the part that said "Director" flipped upside down. Wack. Accidents, crises that we laugh about later. It brings a smug smile to my face just thinking about it all. Trying to stay sober while behind the camera. Dealing with divas that you never expected to be divas. Drunken extras knocking things over like expensive electronics...

Three cheers for drunken shooting! Double entendre yes I meant that 2 ways.

Dodecahedrons and geodesic domes still on the dome. Tragic figures at parties. Being sucked in and fed by strangenesses.

Did I join a cult? Feels like I'm in one, but it's pretty entertaining depsite the frequent pain.

Nebulous obliqueness. Suspicions flying. Internal strength.

I have Cancer rising. They say then moon is the fastest moving body in the heavens. Supposedly that should clue me into the fact that my moods change so quickly sometimes I can barely keep up with them.

Plus my moon was in my sun sign yesterday, which makes for heightened drama.

The curtain closes and I am back in the relaxed atmosphere of offstage.

What a sunny night

Just got in the door from another solo show.

Tonight was at the Abbey Pubstage.

Tough. Tough gig.

But playing with friends made a huge difference. And a new fan who comes to all shows.

Made some new fans, even though the people at the bar were so loud. I forgive their drunken insensitivity.

I debuted some covers. Strange Fruit. The Last Song. There were some clams, but I made it out alive and more than made up for them. I pushed myself to do all the piano songs up front. I was so nervous at first - the LOUD voices throwing me off. Trying to concentrate, feel, and express in a hostile environment. Such things are NOT easy.

But I ascend. I ascend.

And I'm even home before midnite!

One fan said I seem fearless. Well, I think I've come to feel music is my biggest skill in this world. So I'm embracing and coming to terms with it and learning what I can and want to do.

I don't think I ever had a goal of being a performer, per se, in the past that is. Only in the past year, doing more solo stuff, have I come to feel like one. Turkish Queen sometimes lent to that. I mean, it's certainly louder and fuller, and multi-dimensional. But I like to think I can hold my own in a different way.

Funny, on a slow night - a godforsaken Monday - I had a good gig. Friends, fun, song, and Indian food leftovers for lunch tomorree. It is the mystery of life I am uncovering.

I toil and toil, and if even only one or two people grok it, on a night like this, then it's worth something.

One for the book of ages

Two strange nights in a row.

Friday - Started off low-key. I did a little self-promotion at 'ZBC, and then off to Allston. I was gonna do more, but it was optional and I opted for the company of a certain fellow instead.

We went off in the rain to visit some friends near Sullivan Square-rea. We hung out and discussed our next music video plans - for the Abunai! song "Lord Hampton". It's based on a true harrowing tale...basically a murder ballad.

Anyway, as we stumbled back to his place {it was Friday - not a sober Monday or something}, we came upon the *strangest* restaurant in Somerville like some kind of David Lynchian dream episode. Paddock's. Jeez, hope I don't get my kneecaps busted for even telling this tale...

Warren's last movie dealt with ponies in large part. Well, Paddock's is clearly styled by someone who is horse-obsessed. Pony paraphernalia everywhere! Plastic horseheads, cuckoo clocks, light with horses, Clydesdales, and more than I could even begin to describe. We decided to get some food to go. We opened up the menu and it seemed like manna from heaven - calamari, clams casino, pastas, fries, etc. Kinda classy. Lots of dark wood and red captain's chairs.

We discussed shooting a scene in this magical venue, alas, that's when we were introduced the the guy who runs the joint. After he cornered us, telling us about how Ben Affleck is gonna shot there soon, how DeNiro shot there, etc, and touching us both on the arms and shoulders several times, we got freaked out. He was kinda agitated, and in his first sentence to us brought up phrases like, "Whack somebody" "You do me a favor" and bragged about his successful streetfighting ventures...He basically talked us right out of working with them, or hell, even ordering food from them.

The menu has a big horsehead right on the front.

Saturday - Woke up kinda late et al from Friday's antics. Went to work, but my job was canceled, so I went directly to band practice. After some coldcuts and rock, I came home at like 9PM. Then I left for a party in Forest Hills.

When I arrive, there are lots of flashing lights, geodesic domes, and a huge plastic canary cage meant for humans to do stripteases in. Oh yeah, and a sweat lodge. Hundreds of people everywhere.

I ate some (practically) raw meat. Perils of grilling in the dark.

I took all my clothes off and went into the sweat lodge. I had heard about such things, especially in JP, but never experienced one, so I had to check it out. And plus, it's so good for skin. Plus plus, it was cold outside, so why not get naked and go somewhere wet and warm instead?

It wasn't quite what I expected. Warren went in with me. People were shaking rattles and singing rounds. I had expected chanting, wailing, and shrieking or something, but no. Rounds. I did start a bout of ululation, though.

I was pretty drunk by that point. Anyway, miraculously we were able to find all our clothes, and in my case accesories. Eventually. Keep in mind this was all in a backyard, and with all the rain lately, it was wicked muddy everywhere. I had sandals on and my feet got all dirty. But I was having so much fun I didn't care. Normally, I'm pretty prissy about cleanliness...I haven't been that dirty since Lollapalooza in like 1993 or something. But I loved it.

And when we were on our way home, the sun was coming up. I haven't partied quite like that since January. And I didn't even turn into a vampire.

Slept in nice and sweet and not hungover at all or too dehydrated. Gotta be in fair shape for tomorree. I gots a show at thee Abbey...

Watched a funny movie about relationships called "Sprung". Ah farce. It reminded me of the HORRIBLE advice our "friends" give us sometimes.

Every situation is so different. Not made to measure.

Ok. I'm off my horsie now:)

Traces

Walking down Mass Ave between Harvard and home. Cool slight breeze. It's late and my eyes are tired.

Thinking of fun stuff I'd do on a night like this in the past. But the folks involved have all moved away, or out of my life in one way or another.

Even when I had one or the other, I usually felt alone because they weren't available all that often. Only in my mind did I try to remember the positives, to merely have the devil on my shoulder remind me of the disappointing truth.

I'm only slightly down. It might not even be down, so much as internally quiet.

It's hard getting older.

I could ride my bike, but my tire's flat, and where would I go anyway.

So many places and people now closed.

I remain, like the undead.

But there is work. And hope.

They are why I get up day after day.

I should be welcoming spring, but sometimes, on nights like this, the increased crowds on the street - the urban wanderers - make me more aware of my aloneness.

So perhaps I'll raise a glass to the constantcy of solitude.

Ventilator

So last night my banda played avec His Name Is Alive.

'Twas fun. Warn Defever took my metal pick, but gave me two other exotic foreign ones in exchange. He really has a thing for metal picks, apparently. He even had a copper one with a little vent in it. Cute!

The singer frojm HNIA was nice too. Sometimes, there' a weird competitive vibe between bands - you know sensitive artists and all. But HNIA was one of the friendliest I've ever played with.

Overall it went well and I'm satisfied. I even sold some merch and got a few new names for the mailing list. And virtually nothing pleases me more than that!

Buttery nipples will be the death of my stomach though. I had 2 + 1/2 last night. Previous stress and weirdness made me think I was getting an ulcer, too. Hopefully it shall quell.

I partied pretty hard last weekend. The kind of thing to record for my memoirs. I want it to be epic as 'Moon'. Keith Moon had a pet fox, you know.

This making music thing is getting easier. I just wish it paid more.

Abandoneon Hope

The title is not reflective of my mood; it's simply a play on words.

I'm fixin' ta listen to Dietrich Pessin give her astrology report on WZBC. Every Saturday at about 9:45AM, followed by Expanding Awareness, hosted by Victor Venckus...aspects of the paranormal, etc. He often plays trippy, hypnotic music, like Native American stuff, Indian stuff, ambient stuff...

You can stream it at http://www.wzbc.org ~

Woke up this morning and the ceiling was covered in weird light and shapes and lines - like a million prisms. I love this effect and notice it a lot. It even inspired one of my songs (the "bookmark to my heart part" in 'Soggy Heart Sea').

Bought my mom some flowers yesterday for Mother's Day next week, and got a little bouquet for myself while at it. It's nice having something alive in the room - that smells fragrant. A late night commercial for the "I Remember Mama" brunch someone is sponsoring made me want to show my own mama I remember and love her. She's been a little ill...seems like she's got what I had a month and a half ago:(

Ohmigosh the moon has looked so cool the past few nights. Positively electric!! I wanna use that as a title for something - Electric Moon.

Feeling pretty positive lately...I suppose it has much to do with focusing on work. Work is a haven to which I can retreat. It is always there - rock solid and steady.

Speaking of which, I'm going into the studio on Tuesday to lay down traxx for Chestbox. It is going to be so beautiful it will knock off your socks. Real strings - sul ponticello, con legno, etc. Listening to it and practicing with the strings makes me want to whip out my conducting baton from college, which I lovingly kept.

If you like German culture, and live in Boston, you may want to check out the Busch-Reisinger Museum, which is part of the Fogg Art Museum. There is a cool exhibit over there now of photomontages by Marianne Brandt. Almost all of them involve women (often scantily clad & curvy and flapper-ish), exotic animals, and portly men (symbolizing the male gaze).

Apparently she and her husband, a painter, had a tempestuous relationship. Sometimes she portrays him with her sister or other females surrounding him. Seems like that was on her mind a lot - that he may be with other wives, ladies, girlfriends, etc. I don't know if he was, though. Maybe she was just paranoid. At least she made work out of it!

The Busch-Reisinger also has a cool permanent collection, with memento mori, old coins, Mondrians, Nagys, and another current exhibit which features German art from the 1980s and includes cool wooden head painted all crazy. Oh AND a painting that makes a shape of the collectors face out of REAL CAVIAR, many of which are numbered right on the canvas.

Yeah, so the Museum Club, of which I'm a charter member (hee hee, there are only 2 of us) had a Cinco de Mayo outing - the priorities and purpose of which: art, food, drink. Our mission was completed.

I've been offered to play on the radio in Providence in June. I'm getting to the point where I need some help/support with this solo thing. I need an assistant or something. At least someone to accompany me on such trips...and maybe help sell stuff while I put gear away. BTW, next Saturday - I'm playing a free show at the Abbey Lounge pubstage. 8PM real time. Be there or I'll hate you:)