Ides of March Blog

Ides of March Blog
Current mood: content
Category: Life

Beware the Ides of March are upon us!!!!!

No but really, I'm feeling quite up right now.

Yes, there has been much silence on this space...I admit, it's true.

I like to blog when I'm feeling positive, so I have held off. Many ups and downs have rolled by on my coaster, but today I feel pretty happy.

I have inherited Tony's laugh. It's so jolly and jovial. It feels good to laugh like this. It starts in my belly, or soul, then works its way up into a smile.

We watched Harold & Maude and Scarface recently. Thumbs up on both. Ah, the 70s.

Actually I find something depressing about 70s era things. 80s too.

We went to the Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum on Tuesday. 'Twas so nice. I could easily imagine living like that;)

I love speaking in chordish with my boyfriend...he's more fluent in jazz, though! I only speak it conversationally...

Things are moving along with the band nicely. We recorded a Magnetic Fields song for a soundtrack. I also recently completed recording and mixing of the film's main theme. I think I may put some of the tracks on my solo myspace page ~ http://myspace.com/ajdathetq. It's piano music. Danny Gold of Polystar fame produced and mixed it. He is awesome and helpful.

More offers for collaboration, from friends that had been out of touch for awhile. Brian Carpenter called to offer me condolences and chat about music. We had a lovely conversation about composing, and recording with Martin, etc.

The band got asked to play at the Abbey on April 14th and I canna wait. We're gonna do a supercooltopsecret cover that'll rock everyone's pants off.

Had a guitar lesson last night. I was disappointed in myself. I had really been practicing a lot before my mom died - remembering inversions and playing assignments, but now I'm out of practice and frankly it's a miracle I haven't just slept the past few days. Dealing with her affairs + mourning = Koyaanisqatsi. It has so fucked up my life. Time to get real about a lotta shit.

After Daylight Savings Time went into effect Sunday, I felt more energy. I rode my trusty bike around town Monday. The day felt long and full of possiibility. The additional light and warmer weather led to an intense feeling of release of tension in my mind and body. But I'm like a spring, you see, and it doesn't take much for me to tighten again. Coil. Recoil.

It's harder on sunny days. Yesterday my dad sent me a lot of documents - their marriage certificate, her passports, naturalization certificate, on and on. I lay there on my bed looking at all of it - dozens of sheets of paper, mostly in Turkish. And the late afternoon light streamed in, outlining the lack. It's harder on sunny days because that's when you can feel the potential for happiness, and the loss and the absence that much more apparent. Rainy days like today don't bother me at all that way.

Anyway, seeing the marriage certificate was a crushing reminder that for my father, through no choice of his own, his marriage was ended. Death did them part, just like the vow says. And knowing the value I place on romantic love ~ well, it's devastating. It's gotta be.

You know, people used to tell me I looked like my mom, and I didn't think so so much. But seeing some of her ID pix from like 20 years ago, it was like looking in a mirror. Haunting. What will become of me? It is a comfort that she looked genuinely happy in all of the pictures.

I survive and carry on. Another day to live, love and make song.

Currently reading : The Victim (Penguin Classics) By Saul Bellow Release date: By 01 March, 1996