Sudden sweat

I am posting this a lil' later than I thought it, but I was travelling to Houston from Boston. This is how I felt sitting in Logan airport, awaiting my flight...listening to iTunes, when my own song came on.

11/23/05 6:20 PM
My own track stopping me dead in my tracks.

Sweaty palms out of nowhere.

THIS IS WHAT I MUST DO WITH MY LIFE.

The pain and depth I could hear from myself.

I may be sheltered but I’ve felt things too.

I used to be so careful. My first solo show. Getting a taste in my mouth of what it can be like to fly alone. Nothing more to be feared. Only to be exalted.

The unbridled power of me on my own. A feeling like nothing could stop me.

Except my own laziness and procrastination. Still partially hesitation.

I adore and abhor feeling like an eternal child. Kitten foetus with vulnerably closed eyes. It’s all about eyes right now. St-eyes, I, Claudius. I swear this would be the best time for me to cover Pearl by Kristin Hersh. “These pearls on my eyes, they make me blind.”

I have subjected myself to some ugly gross things just for experience. Yes, I have. Yet, still, I am tagged. Sheltered. Naïve. Can I ever shake off this woolly lamb’s tail?