Realm of the Turkish Queen

Review of my solo show in NYC on 8.16.10

2010-08-19T16:21:00.001-07:00

I played solo at Paul Wallfisch's Small Beast on Monday. Check out this sweet review from Alan Young of Lucid Culture blog in NYC...

Black Fortress of Opium Music Video & Brian Viglione on drums

2009-11-30T09:24:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

Here's the official link to our music video for the song "Afyonkarahisar Battle Cry", which will be on the upcoming album:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5V_O42uxXU

The video was filmed in the summer of 2009, on Lovell's Island in Boston Harbor and in South Boston at Tom English's Cottage.

Starring:
Ajda The Turkish Queen
Tony Savarino
Rich Cortese
Joe Turner

Song recorded & produced by Joel Simches
Directed by Noah Blumenson-Cook

Special thanks:
Valerie Schiavone
Amanda Palmer
Buddy Snyder
Maura Quinn
Robert Emmons
© 2009

We had a huge video release party in November at The Magic Room in Boston, and it was glorious!

Other BIG NEWS:
Brian Viglione (Ex-The Dresden Dolls, currently of The Cliks) will be playing drums on our new album, which we will begin recording in January 2010. We are psyched!

All 4 now.
~The Turkish Queen

Mid-Atlantic Tour with Martin Bisi

2009-08-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

atop Glassworks in Louisville, KY, Self-portrait by Ajda Snyder

Day one, Saturday July 18th, 2009:

I hit my Lucky Star coach to NYC. The driver makes record time, after making sure to rush us at the halfway stop, while like 12 of us female passengers wait for the bathroom, he instructs us to use the men's when it becomes free. I hit Manhattan and wait for Martin and Baz to pick me up in the Barbez short bus (no A/C, but plenty breezy on the highway). I decide to walk over to Little Italy, where after snubbing some touristy joint that left me waiting to order an iced cappuccino for $6.50, I walk over to Cha Cha's, also on Mulberry. I see from their sign they have a patio garden, and it's a nice summer day, so I head out back there. No one else in sight, but I don't care. It's a lovely patio, with Roman statues and sculptures - even a Bocca della Verita on the wall. A sign with Marlon Brando as the Godfather posed by a giant pizza, proclaiming "I made a pizza you can't refuse". The waitress brought me a tasty iced cappuccino. The patio really transported me, sitting there early in day alone, with sunlight streaming around but luckily not directly on me. There were also a few posters for Danny DeVito's limoncello...the picture was of the Italian coast, and made me long for Sicily, where I was blessed to vacation last summer.

I leave my bucolic patio, and wait for the guys at Mulberry & Canal, eating a little sandwich I made of salami, basil, mayo, red leaf lettuce, on whole wheat with a pickle quarter. The traffic on Canal is so bad, I just walk to where they are sitting - totally at a standstill. It takes us like an hour to get from there to NJ. We pull off to fill up the diesel tank, and Baz and I search for a restroom. In an area that has about 6 gas stations, none of them have a "working" bathroom. We hunt and hunt until finally Home Depot flashes as a beacon of hope. Thank you Home Depot! We hit heavy traffic on the NJ Turnpike.

En route to Baltimore, we discuss The Boxsprings, Billy Bob Thornton's band that toured with Willie Nelson. Martin questions why big trucks have horns that toot at lower frequencies than economy size cars that have weak horns.

We play a gallery called Hexagon. Supposedly there was an art show featuring some art by kids, but mainly it seems there is a street festival going on around here. Overall it was a great warm-up show. We played so early that we really did a lot of improv. Afterward we walked around and around trying to find a dinner spot. We were starving!! We walked through thousands of people enjoying the Artscape Festival. It was awesome seeing all the freaky stuff - art cars, including one with instruments all over it (even a mandolin, basses, electric and acoustics, drums, sticks, horns) with the license plate MUSICAR. All kinds of little exhibits, a mini-rave in a dark tent with pulsing throbbing techno blaring from it, a People Zoo with drunken fools dancing about, rabbit sculptures, and vignettes galore. Met some dude named Eric Rose who said he used to play in a band called The Paley Brothers in Boston. He caught me practicing inversions on Martin's baritone guitar while Baz was loading out, recognizing the C triad in root position on the second set of strings. We finally find a super hip place that's about 4 levels of exposed brick with a DJ booth and lots of hot alternative type waitresses. The place is a slick fusion-y spot. The DJ plays an extended remix of Will Smith's "Summertime", which I love, except this version has no vocal for me to sing along with. Otherwise it would've been the perfect song as we enjoyed our post-show victory meal here in Baltimore. Martin says chicks love lyrics, and that they should be up front in any mix "for the ladies". I totally concur! We head to a motel, after Martin driving for another couple of hours.

Day two: Today we have off, so after we leave our Super 8 room in Ashland, VA we take off for some sightseeing with our sights set on Jamestown. First we stop off for a bite to eat and some espresso in the adorable town of Ashland Hanover - a quaint, charming, sleepy place on this sunny summer Sunday afternoon. While we gnosh, we notice that Ashland Coffee and Tea has shows, and the live room looks nice - it might be a good spot for Black Fortress, I note. People have lovely accents in this place. We ramble on over to Colonial Williamsburg and check out some shops, a pillory (great pix), and people dressed in period outfits. We find a little beach along the James River and go for a lovely walk along the shore. The water was literally warm enough for a bath, and on the beach we spotted some awesome Confederate flag towels. Late in the day, we stop off at the site of the original Jamestown Settlement, where Martin was enthusiastic to check out historical replicas of ships, the reproduction fort of Jamestown in 1607, and the Powhatan village. He viewed a canoe making demonstration that rocked hard. Formerly, razor sharp giant oyster shells were used to scrape out the wood, but now, due to over-harvesting and all, only significantly smaller shells can be found for such purposes. In the bus, we enjoy lunch consisting of amazing foodie-grade sandwiches and a small bottle of cabernet sauvignon we pour into plastic cups we took from the Super 8. After all the excitement, we head off to Raleigh-Durham to stay with Tom and Sissi of Alice Donut, whom Martin recorded & mixed. They have a lovely house and beautiful children, and take great care of us. We hang out on their back patio all night enjoying some libations (including Austrian apricot schnapps) and amazing food they prepared, consisting of green bean salad, gazpacho, a potato egg tortilla, and chicken tamales. They have toured extensively in the US, Europe, and beyond, and we all gab on and on about music, etc. A lovely evening all around.

Day three: We sleep in a bit, since we have time before picking up John Keith, our drummer for the next 3 shows, who's flying in from NYC. Some members of the party who stayed up partying and catching up much later after I went to bed are a bit hung over today. Goes with the territory, I suppose. I'm unable to access our hosts' wi-fi network, so we all try to use their home computer, which leads to much competition in the morning and some tension. Then in the van on the way to the airport, we discuss how life is harder on women, and everyone, in our mixed company, agrees on that fact. The sky is a bit grey, and I have cramps, speaking of feminine issues. It just lined up that way. Ugh. Part of the last tour, too.

We pick up John and reacquaint ourselves. He informs me that he played a lot with Boston figure Milo Jones. We head off to nearby Chapel Hill, which seems pretty cute and collegiate. We find the club - Local 506 - and drive around to a nearby coffee shop called the Open Eye. I opt for a green tea. We check email and chat. I field various Black Fortress of Opium crises, real and imagined, from faraway, half freaking out, half not coping. We shot a rock video in Boston the weekend before...

Rain pours as we sit in the coffee spot, discussing work and its challenges for creative types. Then we take off for food. John (originally from Jamaica Plain, MA) got a suggestion for some great Southern food at a local joint called Mama Dip's. We give it a shot and were rewarded, indulging in chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes, biscuits, cornbread, gravy, and cole slaw. Top that off with some warm pecan pie, and Ajda is happy for a while. We head back to the club, and proceed to wait for someone to show up to let us in, even though we were told if we didn't show up by long before then we could forfeit our precious sound check. But *we* were waiting for *them*! Someone shows up; we load in; we sound check. People are smoking in here. It ain't the North! It's a slow Monday night, but a few peeps come out as the rain stops and the sky clears. On the bill are Knot Feeder (including members of Don Caballero and Tabula Rasa) and The Curtains of Night (a female duo of heavy gtr and drums). Local 506 is a Cool venue with high ceilings and a big stage, plus a bartender/DJ has truly excellent taste in music, plays awesome stuff between bands. I see from a poster that Reeves Gabrels just played here last week, in fact. It'll be awesome to have drums for the next few shows! We do the show and it sounds pretty good on stage (course I could use more of my voice in the monitors, to which Martin later agreed), and people seemed into it. Rob from Knot Feeder was wearing a shirt from one of my fave Boston acts - 27. Martin got some great press in The Independent, which is paper covering the triangle of Raleigh, Durham and Chapel Hill. After the show, we drive through the Blue Ridge on towards Louisville, KY. We stop at a Motel 6 at about 4:30AM to sleep for a few hours, and shower.

Day four: We get up at 9AM and begin the shower procession. I go first today, 'cause I take a little longer. Didn't sleep that well last night, though I was able to catch some Z's in the loft bed of the bus while Martin drove. We depart the motel for another 6-hour+ drive. We stop off at Bob Evans for breakfast (best damn biscuits ever) while Martin sneaks some more Z's in the vehicle. Our route takes us up and down mountain passes, and Martin starts getting concerned about the vehicle's oil situation, so we pull off to a BP, but they don't have the right oil for the short bus. Anyway, some of us other band peeps stock up on Rolaids (yesterday's gravy!) and new, limited edition coconut M&M's, which are damn tasty. In line, we overhear some locals discussing abortion and rehab. The snippet of conversation I heard went a little something like this: "My bruther jes got his gurlfriend pregnant, and she was gunna have an abortion, and I said 'If you kill that baby, I'll kill you'. I told him 'you have that baby and when it's ready I'll adopt it 'cuz I'm set up for that sort uh thing.'" The above is absolutely in no way whatsoever exaggerated!

Tonight's show is on a rooftop outside and the weather is supposed to be ideal, plus it's Baz's birthday. Martin comments that the theme song of this tour seems to be "La Bamba" and he explains some of the lyrics to me. We drive many more hours towards Louisville, and about 30 miles outside the venue spot, traffic comes to a complete standstill when a truck cab overturns and kicks a bunch of dirt in the road. It takes about half an hour to clear, and Martin stresses 'cause the hour is getting later and later. Finally we're on our way again. Joe, the drummer in Black Fortress of Opium, told me a little bit about the other bands we're playing with - Sapat, and Parlour - because he saw them at Terrastock last year. This show was hooked up through a friend of Dan Kaufman (of Barbez) named Tyler. We arrive at the building, Glassworks, which is very cool. It reminds me a bit of something you’d see in Fort Point. We load in up on the roof 8 stories up, where one can see for miles in every direction, including the lovely nearby Ohio River. We are situated right downtown, too. Tyler is doing sound for the bands. There are tons of people here, on a Tuesday night. We are handed a key for a loft space provided for us to crash in, and I anxiously check it out. It is huge and furnished with everything. What a crash pad! I just knew the guys would be psyched! I head downstairs to the Jazzyblu Café, which is a bar, for some Happy Hour specials Baz hipped me to. I discover some very friendly locals and some chicken pasta they re-heat for me along with some shredded lettuce that is somewhat salad-like. It’s hilarious, I walk in, mention I’m playing on the roof, and they ask if I’m with Butterface (Baz’s DJ name). How does everyone know this guy?

Sapat plays first; they have many people onstage. They’re pretty cool and experimental. Then we go on, and it feels great. We play at dusk on a rooftop to tons of people. There are little clear blue clamp lights on each monitor, and they look so pretty in the night air, reflecting on my dress and Martin’s sunset-hued shirt. We receive many compliments after the set; some of Martin’s old friends show up. I hop offstage and make a call to a loved one, feeling exhilarated and homesick at exactly the same time. I have some free beer and chocolate chip cookies and head back to the room, as it starts sprinkling. The other band mates remain and socialize, but I wasn’t really in the mood tonight. Getting time to oneself is precious on tour, so I opt for that. Besides, our new loft home was a nice refuge. I started feeling dark and depressed, and was sitting there listening to “Affection” by Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers when Baz and John came in. They were hungry and wanted to go on a grub hunt. They were shocked when I said I wasn’t hungry because normally I have an extremely healthy appetite, but I really wasn’t hungry. They discussed the options, which included going to a local strip club for some wings (recommended by one of our female show organizers), going for a drive somewhere, or ordering pizza. At some point Martin returned and wasn’t in any shape to drive, so Baz ordered pizza. I went to bed, relishing sleeping in a cozy home-like type of place, knowing tomorrow would involve a long haul to Pittsburgh. I should mention that Martin got great press in the Leo Weekly.

Day five: I wake up kind of early and reach for my computer and fall right off the leather sofa I was sleeping on, hitting my arm on the table on the way down. Oh cruel world. I go back to sleep for a while after computing some. Then the others awaken and we shower and eat cold pizza. Martin tells us about a phone call he received at 5:30AM that morning from one of the other bands requesting he come out and party, and then enjoy their mom’s flapjacks. He declined, however. We depart the loft in the pouring rain, kind of bummed. Tonight is the last show of the tour. Michael Kaminski will sit in with us again at Garfield Artworks, where we played back in February.

We stop for breakfast at Toast, but it’s nothing that special. We head out, leaving Kentucky and passing through Cincinnati. In the van, John tells of his recent trip to India, and some things he witnessed there, including ‘round the clock cremations of bodies in the Hindu holy city of Varanasi – the oldest inhabited city in the world.

Today’s trip is long and grueling for a couple reasons, I suspect. This bus can’t go very fast, and it is raining. This is drawing out driving lengths noticeably. The rain is relentless. Plus, it’s the last night of the tour, and I think we all feel the return to reality emerging and creeping in. Jobs, money problems, relationships – you know, reality. Oh well, the tour bubble has to burst sometime. I’m happy to be proudly wearing my new shirt from Jamestown, though!

We pull up to Garfield Artworks, and Kaminski is just arriving as well. He and Leanna are friendly familiar faces. Manny, the promoter, is too. I feel like I have family, which is nice ‘cause I haven’t known anyone on this tour ‘til now. Aaron Jentzen is playing, too. He is a writer for the City Paper here, and he gave Black Fortress of Opium some props for our recent Pittsburgh show. Mike and Leanna brought snacks which save our hungry lives after driving for 8 hours plus:
Sandwiches of ham, fresh basil, lettuce from Mike’s garden, and cheese
Smoked almonds
Fresh cherries
Cayenne pepper hummus (Ouch!!!)
Dill bread
Cucumber slices
A magnum of red wine

We catch up briefly as acts emerge on stage. 2 solo acts, including Aaron, play. His stuff is pretty cool and a little dark. A full band plays next and then we’re up. The set went very well; Michael added a lot of nice touches. He was really up on the material. There were some especially nice moments at the end of the set, when Baz, Martin, and Mike were doing improv. After the show, we load out and take off towards NYC. We drive a few hours and then crash at the Psycho-esque Breezewood Motel. Ever seen ‘No Country for Old Men’? Yeah, it was kinda like that. There was no table in the room; the telephone was just sitting on the floor. 70s lamps with fake wood paneling and exposed brick. Not one ounce of class anywhere to be found. There was a dead baby roach on the wall in the bathroom, to which Baz referred as the fifth Beatle. Once we got out of the bus and into the room with fresh oxygen, we were a little hopped up and awake. The fumes from the bus have been getting to us. We finally go to sleep.

Day six: We get up early and prepare for the drive back to NYC. We grab some breakfast to go from a Denny’s Classic Diner, and ramble on. It pours off and on. I’m a little stressed because I still have another 4 hours of travel to go after I hit NYC, and have to be up early the next morning. The drive is passable, but tensions flare once we’re half an hour outside Manhattan after we take a wrong turn. Martin has a session at 6PM, and is stressed, too. I’m anxious to get to the bus. Others have concerns as well. It’s the end of the tour, and we’re all tired and exhausted. We work it out, as we part ways in Manhattan, but it’s under tense circumstances. Luckily, we managed to get the shows done, so mission accomplished on that tip.

A few days later we discuss what happened and we agree to give it another shot, as we have a show the coming week in NYC at The Delancey.

Out of this tour I learned a lot about what happens when people are pushing themselves really hard going from town to town to play music for others. It’s very admirable, and though some would call it crazy, I call it worthwhile. Though there were some really rough moments, I predict more of the highway. It’s a long road to the top, indeed.

Rock'n'roll weekend!

2009-07-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

Friendly peeps everywhere~

Here's a reminder that we're doing 2 back-to-back shows this weekend.

On both bills will be our friend and producer Martin Bisi, with whom Ajda and Tony will sit in during his set.

The scoop:
Friday July 31st
Black Fortress of Opium, Martin Bisi, Busted Brix, Driftwood
at Radio Bean
8 North Winooski Ave
Burlington, VT
7PM show, free

Saturday August 1st
Black Fortress of Opium, Martin Bisi, Erin Lang
at Precinct
70 Union Square
Somerville, MA
9PM, $5

London-based songwriter Erin Lang (collaborator of Roger O'Donnell ex-Cure/Psychedelic Furs) will join us for this show.

Come out and join us for these summery shows~

Black Fortress of Opium
http://blackfortressofopium.com

7/18-22 Ajda's last summer tour with Martin Bisi

2009-07-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

Hey folks,

Here's the schedule for my last tour of the summer singing backups with Martin Bisi (who produced/recorded Black Fortress of Opium! Check it out and tell any friends in these towns!

Thanks,
Ajda the Turkish Queen

Baltimore - Sat July 18 - The Hexagon
For Artscape Festival
1825 North Charles Street, Baltimore
6:00, FREE, all-ages

Chapel Hill, NC - Mon July 20th - at Local 506
also appearing: The Curtains Of Night, and Knot Feeder (ex-Don Caballero and ex-Tabula Rasa)
$7, 18+, 8:30

Louisville, KY - Tue July 21st - at Glassworks (rooftop)
w/ Parlour, Saqat
6:30pm, $7, all ages

Pittsburgh - Wed July 22nd - Garfield Artworks
8 pm all ages $6
w/ Grasso Electtrica, Aaron Jentzen, Kevin Finn

Also...
NYC - Mon July 27th - The Delancey for Small Beast (weekly event curated by Paul Wallfisch/ Botanica)
Cherie Lily, Roman Game
8pm, FREE, 21+

Lantern Festival at Forest Hills

2009-07-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I went with my friends Steve and Sarah to Forest Hills Cemetery for the annual Lantern Festival. We met up with Tony, Robyn, Frank (who organized our outing), Ted, Amy, and Chris.

From the Forest Hills website:
"In this breathtaking ceremony of remembrance, visitors to this lush, Victorian landscape make paper lanterns and set them afloat on the peaceful waters of a small lake. This ritual is based on the traditional Japanese Bon Festival, a time when a door opens to the world of the ancestors, allowing us to send messages to the other side. People enjoy picnics on the grass and a multi-cultural program of music and dance. They decorate their lanterns with calligraphy and notes to those who have died. At sunset, a candle is lit in each lantern, and the glimmering lanterns are set afloat. Drifting and flickering with the wind, the lanterns symbolize the soul’s journey when life ends."

My motivations in going were multifold. It is a pleasant thing to do on a balmy summer night. There is the picnicking part...of course. Food will always reel me in!! Also, tomorrow is the on year anniversary of Scott's death, and time for the official mourning phase to end, though I doubt a day will pass where I don't think of him and my mom. I got a lantern for them, and on it had painted in calligraphy "Eternal Life" for my mother and "Peace" for Scott. I also wrote on it the years they were born and died.

I arrived at the event with just enough light in the sky to find my friends, and set my lantern afloat on the water with probably a thousand+ others. It's quite beautiful to witness them floating around randomly, bumping into each other, drifting peacefully...much the way we humans move.

I think it's kind of funny that I set the lantern out, and then immediately turned to eat. Probably a nervous factor should be taken into account!

But the dead are gone, and while I can remember them, the living are here now, and mortal things should be enjoyed and not taken for granted. So I ate there with my friends as we enjoyed a summer's night.

Our menu:
Pane Rustico
Stone Wheat crackers
Strawberry tarts
Marinated mushrooms
Chianti Salami
Prosciutto
Dried strawberries
Fresh strawberries
Muscat
Hummus
Cornichons
Sesame covered peanuts
Fresh basil

After things died down a bit, and darkness fell, strange noises began - geese honking, bullfrogs burping. Actually, shortly after I arrived, a huge frog hopped right through our picnic blanket. Very funny!

We were perched right on the edge of the water. And while playing with our flashlights, someone (Ted, I think) noticed a turtle in the water. A curious one, it was. It poked it's head out a few times and looked right at us with it's freaky reptilian eyes. Then I flashed my light over to a small nearby island, and saw two tiny phosphorescent eyes watching us from the brush. It was a frog!

Upon exiting the cemetery, we were amongst the last to leave. 'Twas a promenade of LED light from my camo flashlight matched with the perfect dark stillness. And spooky stones surrounding...

Summer Tour with Martin Bisi - West Coast 2009

2009-07-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

Over the past year, I have been performing a lot and recording with Martin Bisi, who produced and recorded my band Black Fortress of Opium. You might remember my blog/journal from the last tour we did, in the Midwest this past winter. I just returned from a summer tour with him, and here is a recounting of how our recent tour went promoting his new digital EP ‘Son of a Gun’.

Pix here!

Sunday June 14th – NYC:
A warm-up gig before we depart. It’s the last night of the Northside Festival, which is sponsored by the neat L Magazine. The venue is Spike Hill in Billyburg. Prior to the set, I sneak out for Mexican food with Bliss at Veracruz, and we are seated next to a lovely fountain in their courtyard. We split shrimp fajitas. Back at the club, Alina Slimone does her Russian thing (with our bassist Shawn Setaro playing lovely electric geetar for her), King's Crescent (including members of Fiery Furnaces) funk and groove on Meters’ covers. Susu is a cool mixed boy/girl noise trio, ala SY. At one point during their set, I swear I hear them sing “I sold my Megawatt”, but when questioned, they deny that’s the lyric. Our set rocks hard. Martin always has different peeps sitting in, which keeps things exciting and fresh, and tonight is no exception – the guest being a guitarist named Howard, who does some awesome things with a slide, amongst other textures. Alan from Lucid Culture NYC blog is in the house, and introduces himself. A nice, friendly fellow who loved the BFoO record. He later reviews Martin's show favorably online.

Early the next morning I head back to Boston on the Chinatown bus, a 4-hour trip, because my flight (which will include 9 hours of travel time because of connections etc.) to Portland leaves in the afternoon. So I have to haul ass on not much sleep. After many frustrating hours of delay departing the stormy East, I arrive in Portland, OR shortly after midnight on June 16th. Baz (a.k.a. DJ Butterface, Martin’s keyboard player & noisemaker) and I are staying with my old KTRU Houston buddy Erik. Last time I was in Portland, I played a solo show at Dante's, and that was the space in which I first performed Ari, so Portland has meaning and weight to me in a strange way. We stay up late talking about music and Steve Albini/fake Italian. In the morning, we eat brunch at Zell's café (mmm) and grab coffee at Floyd's, a local legend.

Day 1 – June 16th, Portland, OR:
The venue is the Someday Lounge, and it is very nice, and respectable. Huge stage, great lighting, red curtains, a shower with towels for performers, sizeable lounge/green room. The club streams each show online (and archives them), which is awesome. The set goes fairly well. Cum usual, this whole tour there are different people sitting in on our sets, as the main skeleton crew is Martin, Baz, and me. Tonight, we have 2 guests sitting in - Joe Trump (of King Black Acid, Elliott Sharp, amongst others), and a multi-instrumentalist named Soraya (Projekt Records). One of the bands we play with is The Prids, who are fairly popular locally. We are shocked when they donate their portion of the take from the night to us to help defray travel costs. Bands everywhere take note – that is some etiquette!

Day 2 – June 17th, Portland, OR:
We have today off, so we head out intent on sightseeing. We take a Historic Highway out of the city that leads to several dramatic waterfalls, some of which we had to hike a steep ways to reach, including Multnomah Falls. We take in the view at Vista House at Crown Point, originally built as a comfort station for upper class ladies. After a few hours of cruising around, we drive to Mt. Hood. Gorgeous scenery, lovely mountain air. At the base of the mountain, we grab some chow at the Timberline Lodge. The exterior shots from The Shining were filmed here, and there is lots of snow. Martin wanted to jump in it, but didn't. Baz and I had shorts on, and were chilly. A lovely relaxing yet re-energizing day off. In the car we talk about Courtney Love, and scenes of NYC stabbings.

Day 3 – June 18th, Seattle, WA:
We grab breakfast at Zell's for the third straight day before departing for Seattle. I have the avocado/tomato omelet with cilantro-lime sour cream. Zell’s has the most excellent, daintiest little scones, with which they are very generous. Excellent scrambles. Brunch even on each weekday was packed, and we had to wait on a list once. Our host Erik said unemployment is currently at 13% in Portland, so more people are bumming around in general, at bars/coffee shops/brunch spots.

I'm looking forward to seeing and catching up a bit with people I know throughout the tour, such as Scott's friend Matt at our show tonight in Seattle, where I haven’t been since September 10th, 2001.

En route to Seattle, we pass through the city of Chehalis, where Scott passed away last summer. I wanted to find the very spot, but now isn't the time. We're barreling down the highway to the next show. It's eerie I’m all the way out here almost a year later. I have a feeling of not wanting to leave the town behind, to stay, to linger, and wander the trail. It's an instinctual pull reminding me of when my mom passed, also so recently.

Back to tour business. On the road to Seattle, in our borrowed gold mini-van, Martin tells the story of how Laswell introduced Ryuichi Sakamoto to Bootsy Collins. Bootsy misheard the name, and shakes Sakamoto's hand, saying, "Reuniti, like the wine?" The windows are rolled down and the air and sky are perfect. We spot Mt. Rainier here and there.

We pull into Seattle early and grab some delicious Thai food near the venue. Then we head over towards the Space Needle and the Experience Music Project, which we decide to check out. We don't have a lot of time to scope it out, unfortunately, but we take in enough. I really enjoyed the Jimi Hendrix memorabilia, the Nudie suits and the Hatch Show prints. The boys all ended up jamming and having an impromptu rehearsal in one of the demo practice rooms, which I discovered only after wandering around the Sci-Fi museum horrified and freaked out by all the space stuff.

The Funhouse is pretty cool venue, kind of like Charlie's Kitchen meets the Linwood Grille, plus something spooky. Tweaked funhouse clowns painted everywhere, a fairly tough crowd. Patio with hoops, plus a sideshow that started later. The bill is beyond eclectic. Bill Horist is a very talented lad who uses prepared guitar to create instrumental soundscapes that sound like the best, warmest, most analog Sonic Youth-y thing you ever heard. (He also gave us his take at the end of the night.) Next is The Purrs, whose set I miss while socializing with some friends, but sounds grunge-y from a distance. The last act is a trio called The Family Curse. They feature 2 guitar players, hardcore drum loops ala KMFDM, and a chick singer who basically moans, screams, and rolls around on her hands and knees revealing her stockings and underwear. I’d put it somewhere between horrible and riot-grrrl. The crowd gets pretty rowdy and randy. As Baz puts it, people really seem to like to get fucked up in Seattle. Wild!

Day 4 – June 19th, San Francisco, CA:
We fly from Seattle to San Francisco. Once we get to 16th & Mission, we re-convene with Martin, who arrived earlier. We stop at Muddy Waters, a coffee place. I really wasn't going to have one today, but oh well. At least I had a healthy breakfast with green tea, etc. I tweet and post on FB about the show and capsule updates on what I’m up to. We leave with Baz's friend Chip, and hit Pancho Villa's for some Mexican food. I'll be damned, even this kind of average-looking place is AMAZING. I even had a churro! Then we walk over to Dolores Park, sampling some gourmet ice cream along the way. A pretty good view of the expanse of the city. It's sunny, but very windy, and kind of chilly. While Baz and his bud catch up, I catch up on this journal, while listening to Syd Barrett. Outside in a park in SF, it just seems appropriate. I snare some wi-fi sitting outside.

Hemlock Tavern is a very cool venue. My buddy Kevin Corzett (Ketman) told me it was cool, and he was right on. The club really treats us right, paying well, and giving us a strip of so many drink tickets, I’m able to make a mock belt out of them. Kind of a small room, but it’s packed this night with an awesome crowd. Baz and I have many peeps we know show up to support, including about 8 of my friends from Houston and Boston. I get them all in a photo. Our set rocks and we are jazzed. I wear a new dress from some Spanish label out of Barcelona. Sheila from (Girls with Guns/Flaming Fire) sits in on drums. The improv portion (the first 20 min) of our set reaches new incredible heights. Possibly the best yet...the show just kills. The opening act is a trio called The Great Dictator, who features member of Thinkin' Fellers Union Local 282. They’re a good example of West Coast grind indie. Very fun show. Being on the road is feeling great right now. Addictive. Our original plans for crashing completely fall through, so luckily my friend Conor comes to the rescue. He takes care of us, giving us a crash pad with a shower, breakfast, and a ride to the airport for the rental vehicle that we drove to LA.

Our humble trio gets along extremely well while touring, but there was some tension backstage before this show. It got a little weird when we realized we had no definite place to stay at the end of the night, and it felt to me like we were talking, arguing (calmly mind you), and trying to convince each other in circles. Stress (like not knowing where you're going to sleep that night and there is no van involved) and a touch of exhaustion will push you to the brink. But we got through it and the night stood out as such a success.

Day 5 – June 20th, Los Angeles, CA:
On the way driving from SF to LA, we take the 5/Grapevine most of the way. A long drive through mostly flat highway surrounded by mountains/ridges/foothills. We drive past countless green vineyards and almond and fruit trees, all very lush, contrasted by the brown of the arid chaparral. Memorable topics of conversation include bondage parties in NYC, dreaming about food, the next tour, Baz’s eight-track alarm clock with a Foghat tape, and Martin's first car, a 1969 yellow Country Squire station wagon with eight-track deck, favorite tape being "Low" by Bowie. Anton Pukshansky will sit in on bass tonight. He is a Grammy award winning engineer/producer who's worked with Audioslave/Ozomatli/Santana/Helmet/Mick Jagger/Bunny Wailer/Korn, etc. I'm even hoping some relatives will make it out in LA.

LA Weekly has a great big blurb on Martin & the show, including a rather large photo, so he's psyched. The venue is a dive sans monitors, but there are longhorn skulls on the walls. A Thai family runs the place, so there's a little bit of a language barrier. The other bands are mixed. The first 2 bands are kind of noisy, a little punk-y. Some of the musicians look like they’re 15 years old. 3 of my friends come out - JJ, Marisol, and Peter Choyce my old WMBR/WZBC DJ buddy. Martin's pal Roger Trilling, who formerly managed Bill Laswell and some others show, came out, too. A friend of Tod A. from Firewater, Eddie, plays later but I miss it, sadly; Martin tells me it rocked. After our set, which also featured Waleed Rashidi on drums, a bunch of us head over to the White Horse, an amazing bar that has free snacks including popcorn, pretzels, hot dogs, chocolate, cubed cheese replete with toothpicks, and watermelon. J2 & M2 show me the coolest places in LA, time and time again. It was very pleasant socializing after the set, instead of sitting around a dirty club listening to LOUD band after band.

We crash at my friend's pad in mid-city. They have a kitten named Sleater-Kitty. Funnily enough, we passed an exit for Sleater-Kinney Rd driving through Washington State earlier in the week.

Day 6 – June 21st, Los Angeles, CA:
Baz and I hit Canter's for breakfast while Martin returns the rental. I have a few certain places in LA I simply must hit each time I pass through, and Canter's is on the list. I figure Baz would especially dig it being from NYC and all. We wander about Fairfax and Melrose with our heavy luggage (and me with awful cramps) then meet up with Peter Choyce again, who takes us on a lovely drive through the Hollywood Hills and up to Runyan Park, where we hike up to the peak, and snap some shots while enjoying the view. Later we do the Vacation Vinyl in-store. Very cool store with so many discs I'd like to get that I don't even look through the bins. Old friends show up, including people I used to work with, parents of a childhood friend who drove 2 hours from Bakersfield, CA, etc. The set is a little rough getting going (unfamiliar borrowed equipment learning curve), but then we get into it. No drums today, but Anton Pukshansky is on bass again. He helps with gear too, providing us mic stands, an amp for Martin etc. Good taste in gear, too. Ya know, it takes some adjustment to be able to do the show with different instrumentalists, or with out any each time. One must be very flexible. People who want a totally stable, predictable show would be frustrated doing it this way. I can cope and adapt pretty well with the flux. Martin pointed out that sometimes it's better to just do it, instead of waiting around for it to be perfect. Besides friends who show up, random strangers & music shoppers peek in on the set, too. It was a cool crowd of mixed ethnicities and ages. Afterwards, a bunch of us went to Home for a merry dinner where we ate outside - a lovely end to the string of shows. I head back to Santa Monica with a friend to crash. It's quiet there, which is what I'm needing after all the hustle, bustle, and excitement of the past few days. The place is right near the ocean, and the fresh air flows in through the patio door near where I sleep. I'm always very wound up after a show, and even if I feel calm, cannot usually fall easily asleep. This is no exception, yet I do feel refreshed upon waking.

Day 7 – June 22nnd, Los Angeles, CA:
I get up and my hosts show me the way to the ocean, which I was intent on seeing on this trip. But first, I get a delicious fruit croissant and cappuccino from my favorite LA cafe - Urth. Except this is the Santa Monica location, of which I was previously unaware. Tony had piqued my interest in Santa Monica and Venice, since he lived there years ago. He is right, it's very cool. Uniquely shaped buildings and lots of little shops, all near the beach. Some spots trendy, some funky. After a nice walk, I head back to the complex where my friends live to take advantage of the jacuzzi and pool. I came prepared with hat, flip-flops, bathing suit, towel, hat, 3 bottles of sun block for various body parts, a wrap, etc. All got used on my last day out here, and I was so pleased. My hosts prepare a lovely brunch of eggs, spinach, tomato, ham, olives, sautéed onions, with carrot juice on the side, which I enjoy thoroughly before taking off with Baz and Martin. They stayed last night in Pasadena without me - the first time we've been separated the whole tour. We head off to Venice Beach, where we poke around for a few hours, eating empanadas, looking at trinkets, sitting by the beach, talking about life. I joke that when people see pictures form our tour, they might think it was a vacation, or TOURCATION. I'm seeing the difference between winter and summer touring. I'm just happy I survived both! We head over to El Coyote for dinner, where the waitresses wear lovely Mexican folk dresses. This restaurant was the last place Sharon Tate was seen alive. Spooky!

My phone has been acting up recently and today was the last straw. I have been intermittently unable to makes phone calls all day, depending on where I am and what network my T-Mobile Crackberry® selects. Argh!!! You may recall, I had to get a new phone after the last tour, and that was only 3 months ago. Is it the tour phone curse on Ajda?!

Baz drops Martin and me off at LAX, my flight leaving hours later. As soon as I check in, I'm informed it's delayed, which means I'll now be taking the nonstop redeye at 1:35AM, due to rain in Boston. Friends warned me it's been raining there every single day. Not looking forward to that after beach and crystal blue sky, but it is home after all. I'm so tired - from the trip, touring, singing, lugging, schlepping, entertaining, and today in particular, from the sun and ocean air. I'm pretty relaxed. It is a great feeling. We accomplished much, and it looks like we'll be doing this again in one month in the mid-Atlantic. It is addictive. Life on the road is pretty simple in many ways, if you can get used to the discomfort level. The other problems we have in life seem to be on pause while away, and it's a nice respite. I chill out waiting for my flight, drinking some tea and snacking on almonds. My voice has definitely taken a beating from singing in loud clubs so many nights in a row, and this was just backups. It has me wondering how I'd do that with Black Fortress of Opium night after night, which is totally vocally demanding. I'm glad to spend some quiet time alone, and not be performing tonight. My ears are ringing pretty badly, too. Even though I wear earplugs during all other sets, I opt out for ours. Night after night, it takes a perceptible toll.

At least 2 venues this week, we hear AC/DC's "It's a Long Way to the Top if Ya Wanna Rock and Roll", so I am happy paying some more dues and garnering experience, for which there is NO substitute.

This tour has been one of many different keys passing through my hands. Friends volunteered their homes to share with us. I've felt much love. I am thankful for all the kindness and helping hands. Thanks also to Martin and Baz. We make a great team, and help each other. The level of respect we maintain keeps me in awe. Thanks again to all the other musicians who sat in. And to the friends who came through and showed up - you rock. See you soon with Black Fortress of Opium.

Ajda on West Coast Tour with Martin Bisi, Northside Fest NYC, + more

2009-06-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

Hello hello dear friends and fans,

This is to inform you that I am once again making the rounds with Martin Bisi at the Northside Festival this weekend in NYC and on a tour along the West Coast next week.

Here's the info:

Sunday June 14th - Spike Hill | Brooklyn, NY for Northside Fest
w/ Alina Simone, Susu, Kerry Kennedy, King's Crescent (w/ members of Fiery Furnaces)

~West Coast Tour~
Tuesday June 16th - Someday Lounge | Portland, OR
w/ The Prids, We're From Japan!
Thursday June 18th - Funhouse | Seattle, WA
w/ The Purrs, Bill Horist, The Family Curse
Friday June 18th - Hemlock Tavern | San Francisco, CA
w/ We Be The Echo, The Great Dictator (incl. member of Thinking Fellers Union 282)
Saturday June 20th - Relax Bar | Los Angeles, CA
w/ Actuary, Dog, Understate Of Mind
Sunday June 21st - Vacation Vinyl | Los Angeles, CA
Free record shoppe performance at this hip new wax shack!

I think most of ye know Martin produced my band Black Fortress of Opium's album, and since then I have been collaborating with him, mostly doing some backup vox on his music. He has a digital EP being released coinciding with this tour. The EP, titled 'Son of a Gun', will be out on Contraphonic Records (Chicago, IL), and is an extension of Martin's full-length, 'Sirens of the Apocalypse'. I am singing on several of the songs, which also feature Bill Laswell, Brian Viglione (The Dresden Dolls/World Inferno Friendship Society), Bob D'Amico (Fiery Furnaces), Peter Hess (Balkan Beat Box/World Inferno Friendship Society) and other fine musicians lesser known.

Other news:
Black Fortress of Opium did some shows in Pennsylvania last weekend and the response was amazing. I predict more to come.

We're shooting a video this July around Boston with Noah Blumenson-Cook, a Turkish Queen/Cloud Club associate who received the "Most Promising New England Filmmaker" award from the 2009 Boston Underground Film Festival for his music video for the band Jaggery. We thank those who have donated already to get our 'Afyonkarahisar Battle Cry' video made, but we are still in need of additional financial support.
Please click here to donate via Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5633806

Black Fortress of Opium upcoming shows:
Saturday June 27th - Cantab Lounge | Boston, MA
Friday July 31st - Radio Bean | Burlington, VT

Ajda the Turkish Queen
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Fortress-Of-Opium/56226635640
http://myspace.com/ajdathetq
http://blackfortressofopium.com
http://ajdatheturkishqueen.com
http://twitter.com/ajdatq

My Past Few Days

2009-05-25T10:12:00.001-07:00

Movies:
Speaking in Code - local film about the burgeoning electronic scene as fostered by David Day, inspiring!
Do It Yourself: The Story of Rough Trade - unbelievably cool BBC doc on this pioneering UK label and distributor, u must watch it!!
Angels & Demons - about the Illuminati, very cool and fun, shots of Rome and Boston!!

Basically, all the movies about electronic/indie music, plus reading copies of Tony's MOJO have got me feeling less uptight and more excited about music, and that is so good! They also got me to remove my new USB turntable from its box, and put it together. And I dug out my Rough Trade Shops Electronic comp I picked up in the Neal's Yard store in London in 2004 and have been grooving to it nonstop since.

Post gig - with Lord Jeff

2009-03-27T08:08:00.001-07:00

From 3am last night:

It's late, and quiet. I'm home after the gig at the Beachcomber in Quincy, MA. {I'd been there once before, about 2 years ago, seeing Tony play with the World's Greatest Sinners.} It was a misty, slightly rainy night over by Wollaston Beach.

Our friends Aeolian Race opened the night. They started off unassuming, but revved into high gear shortly thereafter. Their set was very enjoyable - all members of Black Fortress were in agreement on this. (Tony was absent this evening - a first, due to a scheduling snafu.)

Our set went fairly well. I was a tad bit nervous since it'd been a little while since our last show. We debuted a new song, "Right Around Here". Other songs included:
Model Cafe
House of Edward Devotion
Twelve Gross
Your Past
Southern Hymnal
Ari
Fata Morgana
Afyonkarahisar Battle Cry
Joe and Rich sounded terrific. Rock solid, they was. Tony's absence left a noticeable gap, but the sound is still cool, IMHO.

Then on came The Beasts of England, a duo. They covered some Iggy & The Stooges, in addition to their fun sloppy bluesy rock noise. Guitar and drums. The singer/guitarist wore sunglasses for most of the set. He also removed his shirt. He moved around a lot, collapsing in front of his amp and rolling around on the floor some, too. Anyway, he was playing an out of print custom Fender Jaguar baritone guitar through a bass cab and it all sounded HUGE. At one point, Gary, who helped us set up the show mentioned the band, but he referred to them as the Beasts of New England, which I found hilarious.

Joe commented about many of the performers of the night, saying "Where do these young rockers get their toothpick legs?" Hee hee. He's right. Them folks was real skinny. I wanted to feed them or something, but you know it would just be a drop in the bucket. Reminded me of Scott a bit, honestly. Gaunt figures with long-ass hair, just living for the rock.

Anyway, last up was Lord Jeff - a trio, on Thurston Moore's Ecstatic Peace label. The Christ-like front figure sang and played a sweet SG (I must have one of these!!!). This band has some nice dynamics. At one point, they covered a Tears For Fears song ("Everybody Wants to Rule the World"). I even made it onto the dance floor for that. They went right from that cover into an extended jam that sounded like an old vinyl record. You know, a jazz one you listen to late at night when your mind meanders...The singer/guitarist and bass player both removed their heavy boots for the set, playing in socks and naked feet.

The house music in between acts was so loud I had my plugs in the whole night. I have to say, the room sounded awesome to me.

Fun show!

Christmas Report ~ Food, Music, Love

2008-12-28T11:45:00.000-08:00

Ahem. I love this time of year. Despite the sad reminder about my mom no longer here, there are still plenty of things I enjoy. One of them is the silence.

I am feeling inspired today, and I think I'll play my guitar and maybe mando too, after writing this blog.

Warning: I use the word "cute" a lot.

I want to talk a lil' about how my Christmas went. Christmas Eve was nice. Tony and I went to his dad's. I received a lovely brown silk scarf, with opium poppies on it (and an Odetta CD, hadn't heard of her. They get it! I really like it so much...We played some fun games, where you have to team up. Tony was so cute! He was a good teammate. He had to act stuff out, draw, and hum little tunes.

My gift to his Dad was a Buche de Noel. I spent 2 days slaving in the kitchen making it with precise attention to the recipe, and it came out fabulous. Brandy, jelly roll, mocha buttercream, chocolate glaze, candied rosemary sprigs and cranberries. It stole the show of the entire meal!! It was fun as f*** to make too. Very exhausting, but I knew it would please. Tony said he'd post a picture of it...It was too cute. He and his dad took pix of it like paparazzi!! My cake loved up the attention...!

The next day we hung out at Tony's urban ranch-loft. {My dad got him a bolo tie with the Texas State Seal on it.} Tony impressed me with a selection of apps - ricotta, peppers, olives, and crostini, which I love. Jeezus, when did I become such a foodie?! He also made a special crack-of-dawn pilgrimage to the North End on Christmas Eve to procure fresh pastries - cannoli, an assortment of little cakes (Napoleon, and others) and chocolate dipped ficelles.

I got some really cool gifts, including the Geroge Kovacs Bling Bling lamp I had wanted so much and the New Order CD, which I've listened to every day since I got it. Makes me wanna buy some synths and pump out dance music. Alas, I have no patience for tedious programming and quantizing:(

But, as I always say, my first stop in a time machine would be the Hacienda. {Next stop would probably be to see Bach play live}

BTW, did you hear? Primal Scream is playing a limited number of US dates in March. Probably gonna go to the NYC show at Webster Hall. That's a pretty cool club. Saw the DDolls there. Stole a white pumpkin that night. Couldn't resist

Prime Suspect/Cup of Tea and Sympathy

2008-12-22T07:46:00.000-08:00

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

Ah! This time of year is so rough.
Last night I stayed up wrapping Tony's gifts while watching a pretty depressing show - Prime Suspect (Season 7) with Helen Mirren. For those who haven't seen it, Mirren plays a female cop in London who's got a bad drinking problem and whose father is dying of cancer. She is unmarried and has no kids or man in her life; she's totally devoted to her career, and seen as unsympathetic, and a "bitch" by many.

It's cool seeing a show with a female lead. A real woman who has problems and an identity. Not just some hot damsel in distress. There were interviews with Mirren after the episode. I love British actors! They sound so intelligent! No, but it was informative.

Anyway, this morning I had a terrible nightmarish dream just before I awoke. In the dream, the band was playing a show in some kind of auditorium. People were adjusting lights, and fine-tuning things. I had forgotten the merch, and Joe sent Carrie out to get it. I was seriously stressing out because I couldn't remember any chords and we were about to start, and a fair crowd was assembled. The dream felt real!

Then the doorbell rang, and woke me out of the dream. It was the UPS man with a package from my dad. What a pleasant surprise!

One other note: I recently bought Raw Power on CD, and a copy of Amy Winehouse's "Love is a Losing Game" single. Both are good, but the remixes on the single have been making my ears dance. It's like buying Saint Etienne remixes! So good to my ears!!!!!!! So dancey, and English!!!

Currently listening :
Raw Power
By Iggy & the Stooges
Release date: 2002-01-29

Winter pensive/Philly show blog

2008-12-20T08:03:00.001-08:00

Listening to Alan Watts on WZBC right now, loving it. It's elevating my brain, getting me into a higher space and it feels good. (Don't get here often enough!) His voice is so hypnotic. Only in a place like Big Sur in the 60's could this happen! Not really. That's too simplistic, I know. But I can appreciate the massive spiritual awakening that took place then and there. California like my Texas - big wide open space. Deep cleansing breath...

Last night, I spent some quality time writing in my journal about my thoughts and feelings, and my life in general. I also practiced my flute and my mando for a session today. Recording for my dear friends Abunai! It's too bad they broke up. Their stuff is so good!

This time before Christmas is my favorite time of the winter. A very special time when things get quiet and I have some psychic silence. I am grateful for it. For the mental acorns I store up get digested and processed at this time. Processed into something hopefully more beautiful,expressive and meaningful.

The snow has fallen, and continues to cascade in a sparkling parade of liquid crystal. People seem cheerful about it - the first real snow of the season. Tomorrow is the winter solstice.

Last weekend I did a show with Martin Bisi and his band in Philly. I'm getting to travel more it seems. My old roomie Brian Viglione was playing drums on the gig, and it was good to catch up with him some. He's been pretty busy with The Dresden Dolls the past 7 years. Now he's full time with World Inferno...

Anyway, I had never been to Philly before, so that's exciting. Being a musician is great - going on the road, seeing new places, meeting people. Though it has the potential to suck, too. But this was great. Our ride was a mini schoolbus, borrowed from Barbez. Very styling and comfy ride! We rolled in, admiring the Christmas displays fine Philly offered. We loaded into Danger Danger Gallery, where we played. Kinda like Pan 9 meets a more humble Zeitgeist. Then some of us went to dinner with friends of Brian (a photographer who took lots of dead Amanda Palmer pics and his girlfriend). Then we went and got coffee and a treat from Satellite - a hip coffee haus. Finally, we headed over to the venue. I hung out in the green room, mostly until we played. There was a charmingly cute, but mischievous cat named Delphy there. At one point, she attacvked the fur collar on my coat, and I got scratched. That was my tour injury! Ha ha - a cat scratch. Thank goodness I had my trusty Neosporin on me. DJ Butterface needed it too, though.

Anyway, the band sounded f***ing great! We had a lot of fun. Some guy who was a fan of Martin's showed up, and we sold him a CD ( and a Black Fortress disc).

The next day, Martin and I had brunch at my fave Park Slope haunt of Moutarde - an excellent French place. We both had the Eggs Copenhagen. I had the most purrfect cappuccino there, too. Yum. Then we headed over to Other Music in Manhattan for me to take care of some business. Then I walked down Bowery to Grand, and hopped on the bus in time to get back to Beantown.

Hung out with Tony at Brian Carpenter's place that night, all trading gig stories, listening to cool music (Sonic Youth, Morricone, The Cure, etc.), and feasting on sugary treats.

New experiences

2008-11-08T08:00:00.001-08:00

Current mood: tired
Category: Life

Well, last night I debuted as a harpsichordist. It was not easy or comfortable. It was downright challenging!! But I got through it, and the earth is still spinning.

Some guests showed up to support. I even got flowers for the first time!! Two sets! I am so thankful to have people in my life who support me. It helps since my dad lives so far away and never gets to see me perform, and my mom only watches from Heaven. But hey, that's the best seat in the House.

I was very nervous, and hopefully will be less so when I do it all over again today. Boy, people should really have more respect for musicians 'cause lemme tell ya it is hard. I had to perform in a strange place, with people I had never met, on an instrument I had never seen. And playing music is such a physical thing - knowing the touch of your instrument is crucial.

Anyway, I continue to challenge myself for some unknown reason.

Scott's mom was there, with her husband. They showered me with gifts. One is a beautiful metal bird that I intend to put on a Christmas tree.

But more importantly, they brought Scott's purple Ibanez bass and gave it to me. This is the bass we recorded on. It's strange having a dead man's bass in my room. It is happy though, because he loved making music. Cherished it.

But you see, this is how many instruments come into my life - from random places, as gifts. It's been awhile since that happened, actually. Nice to know such things are still possible.

It was funny seeing how it is to play with classical types, 'cause it's been a long time since I did that.

It is different and the same. A church instead of a stinky trashed rock club. Still the crosses, though. Still the nervous backstage anticipation.

I feel like all of this will make me a better performer. More seasoned. Tasty!

I am so fortunate to have so many opportunities to perform lately across a wide spectrum of genres and instrumentation. The past month has seen me perf with:
Black Fortress on vox, mando, gtr, melodica
Bill T.Miller's Orgy of Noise on improv vox, skull shaker
Martin Bisi on diva/siren vox
Ensemble 44 on harpsichord

I feel like I'm racking up some things for a portfolio. I am an excellent record-keeper, and therefore I have every set list, program, and press clipping for anything I've done in the past 5 years.

It is my life's work, and humble, but satisfactory for this little mouse.

So yeah, last night was loaded with people and events. After the concert, Tony and I drove back to Boston and met up with my friend Leah, who was in from LA. We went to The Marliave (gracias to Frank for the rec!) which is the coolest most old-school bar you'll find around here. I wouldn't mind checking out the food sometimes, there. It was spare, and very empty. Perfect for catching up with old friends.

And then yesterday morning I fortuitously bumped into Mehran. He was also heading over to my neck of the woods, so we had breakfast together. It was such a nice spontaneous thing. Pretty tasty too, though I think I'll stick with my dear old 1369 for my espresso needs. We spoke of our lives and the Middle East, and leather ventures!

Currently listening :
Smash the System: Singles and More
By Saint Etienne
Release date: 2001-09-24

Big show at TT’s 10/23

2008-10-22T06:56:00.001-07:00

Current mood: playful

Tomorrow night (Thursday) is the big show at TT The Bear's (www.ttthebears.com/). This is a huge show for us, and I hope people come out and dress up - it's Hallowe'en season of the witch.

There has been a line up change as well. Dorian Wood had to cancel due to personal emergency.
Instead, we found a great fill in - Emperor Norton's Stationary Marching Band. "ENSMB is a group of raucous and rambunctious musicians that will honk, wail, blow, beat, bounce, scream and serenade their way into your hearts. This 11-piece ensemble plays an eclectic repertoire that combines the rich musical history of the circus and the vagabond peoples of Europe with the raw energy of avant-garde jazz and the irreverence and fun of today's Vaudeville for a sound that is somehow familiar yet like no other."
http://www.ensmb.com/

9pm What time is It Mr.Fox
10pm Garvy J (w/special guest Scott Dakota from The Moors)
11pm Black Fortress Of Opium (with special guest)
12am Emperor Norton's Stationary Marching Band

TT's the Bear's Place
10 Brookline St
Cambridge, MA 02139
red line to Central Square stop
18+
8:30 doors

P.S.
Black Fortress of Opium has some new schwag: Girlie T's!!! You can snag one at the show.

PPs - I've been practicing my ass off. Come check out my hard work. I'll wear my fake eyelashes for you;)

Report from The Garden

2008-09-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

Current mood: satisfied
Category: Music

Last week, Mali from Jaggery asked me to do a solo set at a party she was throwing.

I said yes. It was a lovely setting, I played at dusk in a green courtyard, as autumn bourgeoned around me. Dusk is my favorite time of day~Magic Hour.

Here is my set list:
In the Garden That Day
Southern Hymnal
Unraveling
Chestbox
Get the Timing
Afyonkarahisar Battle Cry

This set included the following instrumentation:
banjo
mandolin
keyboard/piano
guitar
female vox

Nicki Jaine played before me, and that was cool to check out. She's from PA, and Ned Raggett (who reviewed the Black Fortress CD for the All Music Guide) once mentioned we should play with her. He predicted the future!

Tony got a nice picture of me testing the keyboard; that's why there is a pick in my mouth. It's my fave one, given to me by Warren Defever, of His Name is Alive. It's pearly and thick, and though I have so many other picks, I never perform with any other one. This one is preferred. I have managed not to lose it for 4 years...

Got the fall sick blues...

2008-09-23T15:35:00.000-07:00

Current mood: sick
Category: Life

Yeah, I've got a nasty sinus infection. Coughing really badly. Ruining my voice temporarily. I'm on antibiotics - 3X/day for 10 days. Don't think I've had a script like that since I was little. It is helping, but it's the cough that kills!

So I've been trying to sit still for a few hours at a time and "rest" which is a mega challenge for an Aries, but whatevs...here I am online instead. TGF email.

I'm trying to stay optimistic about the economy/state of the nation, right now. I heard some things on NPR today that were heartening and disheartening. Experts saying Americans have the ingenuity to get us through this; experts saying the bailout is privatizing gains while making losses a taxpayer issue. That I am really not cool with.

Someone has to pay for these mistakes made in the name of the greed crusade. How about the people who made them, and the lawmakers who allowed rules and regulations to be changed in moments of short-term thinking?!

If someone always comes to the rescue (the Gov't), then what incentive is there for people (lending co's, etc) to get their sh*t straight and stop being so greedy?

The program I heard on NPR was so awesome - all about greed in the market and the nature of humankind, some defending it, some lamenting it...Very philosophical and thought-provoking, IMHO. They emphasized the need for considering the common good. Right on.

Got some fun things coming up I'm looking forward to, once I'm feeling more myself. Got gigs starting with Squawk next week.

JJ and Marisol are coming from LA next week, too, to hang for a few. Haven't seen 'em in 2 years.

Tony and I finished Season One of Twin Peaks, and are about half way through Ben Hur, which is amazing and touching. Damn films used to be good - and with so much less technology. Maybe that's why, partly.

Soon it'll be time to head over to the Pumpkin Patch and pick out something nice for the porch. Autumn in New England is such a treat (so brief!!!).

I played at the Cloud Club on Saturday, and that was a treat. Performing outdoors!!! In a fall garden setting, no less! I did 2 guitar, 2 piano, 1 banjo, and 1 mando tune/s. Tony got pictures, maybe I can post them somewhere...I may play in NYC again very soon, with friends. We'll see.

Please send me some good mental energy to help me get over this illness!

Waterfire & Open Mic

2008-08-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

Current mood: caffeinated
Category: caffeinated Life

Last weekend, Tony and I went to an open mic downtown. Hadn't done that in a few years, when my buddy Jonny Pape dragged me to the Zeitgeist. That was when I had recently written 'Your Past'.

Anyway, Tony's a guitar teacher and he was accompanying some students, so we decided to do a few songs on the fly. Very good exercise for me. If you can just walk into any bar and get up on front of strangers and do your thing, you're strong and no one can f*ck with you, IMHO.

We did Heaven (Talking Heads), Model Cafe, and Hallelujah (L.Cohen). It was a tough crowd, but it's so good for honing craft!

I had fun, and a few cocktails, courtesy of Tony. Cosmos.

Then, last night, we went to Waterfire in Providence, RI. I like journeying to this littlest state. I had heard about Waterfire from some Goth friends years ago, jealous they didn't offer to take me. Anyway, we went and now I have a bit more respect for the city. Tastefully done, from the fire to the music. I enjoyed the hushed respect that reigned over the masses.

The awe of fire. Eternal, primal, pagan.

There were 100 fires, I think. Gondolas sleek, black, and sexy like limos. Limos - many of which cruise through Providence like sharks hunting for The Kill.

Ten31, a living statue company, had a few of their folks situated near a monument. Tony and I each went up individually to The Oracle to receive a message. Mine says:
"Know when you are full."

My hair still smells like woodsmoke, and I love it. Reminds me of Texas pinon.

We've been on a Roman kick. Watched the TV series "Rome", then "I, Claudius", and also went there. Pretty cool, I must say. It's fascinating to see Tony getting so into it!

Anyway, I like how in shows about Rome, there are always little pans of fires outside homes - mini-pyres, I suppose. Personal fire.

Predictable I would like such a thing, non? Being such a double Aries and all!

We need some pyrotechnics on stage.

Guess I’m Goth?

2008-08-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

Current mood: pleased
Category: Music

http://ink19.com/issues/august2008/musicReviews/musicB/blackFortressOfOpium.html

From Ink 19 online 8.23.08
Black Fortress of Opium
Black Fortress of Opium
By Matthew Moyer

I'm not exactly sure how this album made its way to me; someone must have been reading my diary. And I'm glad they got to the page where I was lamenting that there weren't enough groups mining the stately gothic folk-baroque sound of later period Swans, Mors Syphilitica, Faith and the Muse, and Faith and Disease. So we're agreed that Black Forest Of Opium is a good thing? Fuck yes. No arguments. Named after the English translation of the Turkish town Afyonkarahisar, swear to fucking god, our blackhearted trio shows amazing promise and creative poise for such a new band. The album is a heady brew of melancholia, exotic instrumental flourishes, sinister glances and a sound that is as gothic as it is Appalachian and European. What? Yes.

"Edward Devotion" -- love that title, reminds me of other cool name songs like "Jack Luminous" and "Little Johnny Jewel" -- is a skeletal summoning of the marble tomb sound of the Swan's White Light From the Mouth of Infinity, regal pacing and tense sadness in every note. "Black Rope Burns" comes off like a bleak murder ballad, mandolin and vocalist Ajda's exhortations to "tie knots/ strong knots/ tether his heart to mine." And the music, god! The images and stories they conjure up, long tales of dissolute lovers and centuries' old curses -- for instance, the hypnotic hymn "Ari." My god, it's a song about Nico's son Ari and their diseased relationship! Amazing. The little lyrical details and the eye for scenes in a lost life, it's... it's a conjuring, it's a laying to rest. Better than any biography I've read thus far. Elsewhere, numbers like "Crack + Pool" call to mind Faith and the Muse at their most florid and beautiful, as much as it does the Carter Family and string band numbers, lonely mandolin and vocals set against an uncaring void. There's a reprise of this same song later, in a full-band format, and it couldn't be more different, snake-hipped psychedelia that's all smoky and bad trip scary. "Twelve Gross" is a tensely restrained, paranoid creep through darkened ruins and broken promises, bass and drums threaten to crash forth, but always held back by a lattice of smoldering guitar feedback, until it explodes into a howl and stomp.

Now, notice how the second half of the album gets markedly more experimental, shedding skins and trying on masks as fast as the needle skips from one track to another. "Your Past" feels markedly different from the rest of the record, it's all candy-apple-filled-with razorblades grungy sweetness, taut acoustic guitar giving way to downtuned sludge -- calling to mind the Wipers, Sonic Youth and Calamity Jane all at once. "Model Cafe" then shoots off in another direction, a deliciously melancholy slice of classic country torch along the lines of Patsy Cline live at the Grand Ole Opry, with delicate teardrops of slide guitar, brushed drums winging quietly, and Ajda's lyrics telling a simple and sweet tale of lost love. Wondrous. "From A Woman To A Man" mixes things up a-fucking-gain with a smoldering deathjazzblues shimmy in humid slow motion -- the gospel-meets-haunted house organ (and a searing guitar lead, hey what woah?) will make you fan yourself profusely.

Toying with different genres in the same album can be a very good thing, when it yields results like this. Add the Band, with their voracious appetite for a wide-open world of musical possibilities, and a deep sense of musical tradition, to the list of influences. I'm claiming this group as Gothic right fucking now and saying this is how Gothic should be.
Black Fortress of Opium: www.myspace.com/blackfortressofopium

RIP Scott

2008-07-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days now since I heard about the untimely passing of my ex-boyfriend and ex-bandmate, Scott Jensen Roy. My current lack of mental acuity is thusly due, and I am pretty exhausted.

Only now that some dust has settled on my shock do I feel able to publicly address this tragedy. The details of what happened are of penultimate importance, and simultaneously totally unimportant. For from this mortal world, he is gone - his memory to survive in our hearts and minds.

I have never lost a friend, or a lover, before, and it is indeed strange, leaving me to feel lost and confused. Scott and I had not been involved or much in touch between 2005-2007, but we shared a big world when we had our band Turkish Queen. Love and music were conflated in the most beautiful and natural of ways. Scott was there when I took the crucial first steps to strike out using my own voice and vision as a frontwoman. He believed in me and he took me seriously.

As a friend, you could really tell him anything. He was a very sympathetic ear. If you were in pain he would feel it with you. He was intensely loyal.

I am proud of Scott for making his way out West, for which he had so long desired. I am thankful to his longtime friend Matt Willis, for helping Scott get there, and being there for him in a way no one else could or would. I am very proud of Scott's personal achievements in the weeks leading up to his death.

I am thankful that Scott and I had been more in touch recently, over the past few months, and that I had the chance to speak with him one week before he passed. In that conversation, he was in a spiritually high place, and it was so good to hear.

It comforts me that his final moments were spent in a peaceful place doing a pleasant summery activity, in his beloved Olympia - near a trail, on a river. He was, after all, a nature boy. He did, however, also love the city life, being such a sociable creature.

I am comforted by Tony and my dear friends at this most trying time. Please say a prayer for Scott, his family, and his friends.

A memorial page with service information can be found at http://pan9factory.org.

My Vacation Blog

2008-06-25T07:50:00.001-07:00

Current mood: mellow
Category: Travel and Places

Hey sleepy peeps, or, wait, that's me...

Yeah I feel more relaxed after my vacation, but part of it (which Tony noted) may be jet lag.

I temporarily feel more at ease and open and new to all that life has to offer.

I think there is a real power in knowing you can go away and come back and start over, or continue on. But getting away from my routine helps me look at things from a new angle. And that is a blessing.

When I typically return from a summer trip, I wanna come back and do summery things - go to the beach, barbeque, eat ice cream, and chill out. This usually lasts for about a week. Before all the dreary details of life drown me out. Before I am torn in 100 different directions by myself.

And I will try again, nobly, to sustain this beautiful feeling and get in an ice cream cone and a shrimp po-boy.

The trip to Italy was a blast. Tony and I travel well together. He's sweet and helpful, and quite good at chilling on the beach or exploring the city, as we did in Rome, and Sicily, alternately.

Rome, the former Capvt Mvndi was great. Many lush fountains and squares in which one can relax, gaze at huge sculptures of triumphant men and their horses, or seahorses (they love Neptune there).

The Pantheon, and the way light plays through and across the aperture, is truly something to behold. The audiogiude compared it to Stonehenge for the way it can show the seasons. That and the Trevi Fountain were my faves. Much of the town and the art/sculpture is very masculine and a little hard for me to relate to, but the domes soften it all with a more feminine feel.

The streets are quiet, even though there are people around. I was a bit surprised when it turned out to be more subdued, like Prague or something. No loud honking or people shouting. Rather contained...

We visited the Vatican & museums (Sistine Chapel), the Palazzo Barberini (where we saw some El Grecos, Holbein's portrait of Henry the Xiii, some Caravaggios), a Capuchin chapel decorated entirely with human bones and skeletons (thanks to Cynthia for the recommendation), the Trastevere neighborhood, the Palatine and Colosseum, and more.

In Sicily, we were stationed on the beach at Giardini-Naxos, within view of Mt.Etna, where we could see LAVA FLOW on fire, liquid fire. We chilled there, and enjoyed the Ionian Sea. I swam in it a few times and it was cool like liquid glass and very refreshing. I went digging around near some rocks and presented Tony with 2 tiny hermit crabs and a sea urchin (which I tossed back in the water, of course). It's not summer vacation for me unless I'm at the beach with urchins nearby!

One day we drove across Sicily so Tony could meet some of his relatives and see where his mom's side comes from. I know it was a profound experience for him. I think it's comforting to go and see where one's people come from.

We also journeyed into Taormina - a little town on a cliff near Giardini-Naxos. Here we visited a Greek theatre suspended between sea and sky - the most complete one I've seen (many in Turkey too). We took a cable car ride down to the beach at Mazzaro, and chilled there for a bit. In Taormina, there are old churches (12th & 13th century) and winding narrow streets. Tony picked up a lava rock souvenir of the sign of Sicily, which is three legs sticking out of Medusa's head, symbolizing the tri-corner shape of Sicily. And we ate the best canoli either of us has ever tasted. FRESH.

I must say, I used the Lonely Planet guide to Italy for this trip (as I have for Turkey, London, and others) and it never steered us wrong. We tried the restaurants they recommend and it was always great. The history and background of the places combined with the practical info of sights/hours/eating info make it an essential investment that pays for itself. I know for a fact I got more out the trip because of it.

Looking forward to seeing Peter Murphy this weekend here in Boston, though he makes his home in Istanbul...

Currently reading :
Istanbul: Memories and the City
By Orhan Pamuk
Release date: 2006-07-11

2 much fun!

2008-05-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

Weekend report:

Well, Tony and I had illegal amounts of fun this weekend!!

Friday:
Went to see Firewater at the Paradise, one of my fave spots to see rock shows. It was tropical, upbeat, and worldy. Fun percussion. Great band! Good to see Tod A. doing his thing. The show involved a birthday cake and a funny monkey balloon!! Saw my old roomie Ed & his g-friend Kristen, and some other pals from the local scene there digging the music too.

Saturday:
I went to see The English Beat with my homegirl Irina and some other associated peeps down at the Hatchshell as part of some outdoor fest. Free snacks courtesy of Whole Foods. Also caught moments of Cracker's set. I had no clue they were the original writers of "Eurotrash Girl"!! Popped over to Joe's on the Newb for a Piña Colada w/Irina & co.

Met up with Tony and went to our fave dining spot (for rodizio, anyway) Midwest Grill. Feasted on copious meats (skipped the blasted chicken hearts) and treats, including a lovely mousse cup for dessert. Then we went over to the Kendall Cinema to see OSS 117 - the French James Bond spoof. Very French sense of humeur...

Sunday:
Went to the Stone Zoo to see the new black bears, Smoky and Bubba. They were playfully splashing about in their little pools, and roughhousing with blocks of wood and whatnot. Lots of other animals, too - wolves, flamingos, yaks, snakes, tarantulas, owls, bald eagles, cheetahs, and more. I liked the desert vibe of the place - cactus made this Texas gal feel right at home. It was a lovely sunny day for us too. Later, we went to Tony's pop's place, ate some yummy home-cooked BBQ and looked at pix galore of his dad's recent European trip.

Got a mysterious text about some friends meeting up for a drink in town, but when we arrived they were MIA. So we went home and watched the Ridley Scott-directed "A Good year", which features Russell Crowe. Very French, once more. French vs. British. Romantic comedy about the past-paced city life versus the peaceful yet passionate rural one.

Monday:
Went shopping for some necessary items for the upcoming vacation with Irina. Kind of a quiet affair. Met with a new friend for coffee at Pamplona. We sat outside and I proceeded to get WIRED on espresso. Then Tony and I went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. We liked it. I enjoyed it because I allowed myself to suspend disbelief and let myself be transported.

All in all, much fun was had. And today looks nice and sunny again. It helps!!!

Weekend Forecast

2008-05-22T09:46:00.001-07:00

Well I'm feeling much more content and calm today. Yesterday too, though it started out a bit rough.

I wonder if it has something to do with the full moon Monday night. Scorpio full moon, too. The second one in a row!! I've read that supposedly when the moon is in Scorpio paranoia and suspicion run rampant. Tides of the moon pull at my body water sometimes and make me temporarily wacky...

But, ahhhh, I feel so calm now:)

The show went very well on Tuesday night. Many friendly peeps appeared, from past and present. 'Twas a real convergence! Ladies in the crowd were swaying with each other to several songs. A pleasing sight. People seemed entertained. Minimal weirdness, excepting the gremlins onstage for our set which attacked my guitar and Tony's stuff, too.

Had a lovely tapas experience last night with my friend Wendy. We went to Tapeo on Newbury St. My God, it was good.

Here's what we had:
red wine flight - tastes of 3 wines, Spanish, Argentinian, and I forget (one was a Malbec)
tapas incl. beef shortrib, chicken croquettes, pork tenderloin, fried goat cheese with honey and sweet onion, potatoes with aioli/piquant sauce, sizzling garlic shrimp
dessert: flan with orange sauce, flourless chocolate tarte
I also had a lovely cocktail of Cava and blood orange puree. Divine!

It was thoroughly enjoyable! I recommend the place to anyone with an appetite. I would skip the dessert if I were you though. IMHO, not worth wasting the calories. Go somewhere else for dessert. The chocolate tarte was a bit chalky...

This holiday weekend I'm so looking forward to hanging with Tony and seeing Firewater tomorrow night, and then Sunday going to see some bears. Real black bears Smoky and Bubba, who hail from the Appalachian area, are coming to the Stone Zoo in Stoneham. Should be a real treat!!

Yes, first wolves and now bears. What can I say? We like the furry creatures:)

CAFE VIENNA | BELLS

2008-05-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

Current mood: fascinated
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Hello,

Well I want to post about a lovely dream I had last week...

I woke up in the morning after having had a pleasant dream that left me feeling blissful. Tony and I were in Italy (as we will be for real in one month!!), and we were at a cafe. We ordered 2 iced lattes, and they were served on a tray. The glasses were tall, like old coke bottles, except the mouths of the glassed were gold-rimmed. And the shape of the mouths was strange and beautiful - much like a Rococo Grandfather clock or something of the sort. It was bright in the place, as if the sun were shining.

I fear this dreary Boston weather has taken a toll on my subconscious.

We've watched a few movies lately:
The Proposition (screenplay and score by Nick Cave)
Divorza alla Italiana (w/Marcello Mastroianni)
3:10 to Yuma (w/Christian Bale & Russell Crowe)

A wonderful trio.

The Proposition is beautifully shot and scored, but definitely leaves one feeling a bit misanthropic as it highlights the most negative sides of humanity.

I guess we're on a Western kick again!

Today I spent a misty afternoon in a bell tower (No, I'm not goth, dammit!). The Russian bells at Lowell House were featured in a special presentation as part of Harvard's Arts First Festival. I could have omitted that small detail, but when I walked into the presentation, I was reminded, "Oh, yeah, I'm in Cambridge - at Harvard" by the comments of the house master. She compared the use of the bells for secular purposes, despite their original Russian Orthodox creation (from the Danilov Monastery), to the playing of the Brahms Requiem in Sanders Theatre - originally created for a religious purpose, but able to be enjoyed by peoples of all faiths.

Anyway, we climbed up 6 stories to reach the top. Kybele was there{ goddess of high, windy places}. The mother bell is 12 tons. That's right. The bells are so beautiful.

Part of why I was so interested is that a few years back, I made a field recording of the bells as they rang on Harvard's Commencement Day.

It is the only complete set of Russian bells in the US, and it plays a mighty scale.

It is set up via a system of pulleys and levers. There are little tinkly ones, and the huge, low, majestic ones. The large ones have Byzantine-looking religious icons on them and lovely, cryptic Cyrillic.

All kinds of details abound on the bells. They inspired me nearly to tears. That man's faith devotion to God can be reflected in such a way - like Cathedrals and great works of art.

Heavy, like so many things Russian. I am continually fascinated by their culture. One day I shall go to Russia.

Kultur vd Sanat

2008-04-13T16:20:00.001-07:00

Current mood: rushed
Category: Life

Today I went to a Turkish music concert, specifically that of a master kanun player. It's kinda like a zither - plucked with many strings, probably like 20some sets of 3 strings each. It makes a beautiful and watery sound that my ear finds atractive, in a somewhat similar way to the harpsichord.

This concert is part of the Turkish Film & Music Festival taking place in Boston over the past month. I saw a few of the films, and I wanted to support some more, so I took in this concert.

My father just arrived in town today, and was supposed to go with me. He was too tired when he got in, though, so I ended up going *alone*. Sigh.

I went to see melancholy, heavy Turkish music on a gray shitty cold day by myself. I was bummed, but once I got there, and the concert began - I was fine.

I am determined not to lose the connection with this half of my heritage, from my mother's womb. I went for her and me, I guess. And I think it is a blessing my dad didn't go, as it may have been too painful a reminder of her passing for him.

Here are some thoughts I jotted down, while the music played:

"The Turks in the audience began to rock gently in their seats, like their mothers lulled them to sleep as infants. That is what the music does for them now. It is a sound of the soul that is so ancient and comfortable, putting me in touch with my tribe. It's hard for me to be here and hear this music, for it so obviously reminds me of my mother. Yet, something compels me to stay close to her and the soft strong heritage that put me on this earth...this music is so melancholy, it is only for those with a high threshold for sorrow, grief, and pain. But it is not all so heavy; they did a cover of 'Take Five'."

True. They also played a lot of lively upbeat music, more for dancing (for bellydancing esp.).

But the somber passages reminded me of my experiences there in Türkiye - riding busses all over the countryside, while soulful folk music played quietly through the bus PA. Not to mention, the music often used in Turkish films, particularly at the end, when a tragic twist of fate is revealed.

I imagine it is the ancient sound of a caravanserai traversing the wheat fields and black roads, or karayollari.

Post-show report & Turkish events

2008-03-31T20:01:00.001-07:00

Hey My Birthday is coming up...April 16th, and my dad's gonna be in town. I think we'll go get some Middle Eastern food and maybe go see a play - SO MANY Turkish events going on around now. It makes sense, given the tulips are coming to Boston with the approach of (Insallah) springlike weather someday soon. It's one thing I do dearly love about this godforsaken dreary place. OK, I'm a little weary of the gray cold.

Anyway, tulips are a symbol of the Ottoman Empire. And it just so happens that there are a plethora of Turkish events going on over the next month or so - plays, concerts, and films.

Curious?

Check out:
http://www.bostonturkishfilmfestival.org/
and I read about a play at The Huntington Theatre called 'The Cry of the Reed'
http://www.huntingtontheatre.org

I already went to one film at the MFA the other day, and it was cool. Pretty typical of Turkish films, but of course just the vistas and the sheer sound of the language alone reeled me in, so to speak.

And then the Turkish concept band (hee hee that's what I should refer to it as when people ask!!) Black Fortress of Opium played our CD release party at the Abbey. It was a success. We got a bunch of video I hope to post someday soon, and over 100 people showed up. The men loved the belly dancer...she was quite enchanting! And people misheard me when I said "Go up to the Bull God and grab a sticker" and thought I said Bull Dog. No no no. Yeah, we got merch now! It's fun !

As for me, everyone asks how it went but it's as if I weren't even present. The sound flowed forth but it was over in such a flash.

My whole life is speeding by.

It was cool to see who showed up and who didn't. There were definitely some surprises.

Martin came and hung out the next day a while, too. I helped him find the sweet spots for the flyers for the show we're doing together in May. And we checked out this awesome place for brunch called Deep Ellum in Allston (thanks for the tip Irina!). Do folks around here know that's the name of a neighborhood in Dallas, TX?

Anyway, it's the best friggin' breakfast burrito I've ever had, but I recommend skipping the hot sauce.

This weekend Tony and I are gonna go to the wolf farm in Ipswich. Can't wait!

Ethiopian food , Death, & Yak Fur

2008-03-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

My life as of late...

I’ll start with Sunday night, as I’ve been wanting to post about it for a few days.
Tony and I went to Asmara, an Ethiopian restaurant in Central Square. We tried something very new! I had no idea about how Italians had colonized Ethiopia, and thus left an indelible mark upon the land. We ate enjera bread and meats and potatoes with out hands. I tried a cabernet from South Africa. All was lovely. Tony spoke a little Italian with the waitress. So cute!! {He’s been informing everyone around him of Rome’s history and influence - my landlord, the waitress, me - his knowledge of history is impressive} When the waitress brought the dessert menu, I almost died. It was just like in Türkiye - where the dessert menus at the cafes have little pictures of each delectable treat. These Italian desserts at Asmara were provided by Bindi. I’ve seen their trucks around town, but never knew what delights they held within their inner sanctums until that moment. Tony seemed familiar enough with them - he knows them or something. We got 2 so we could sample each - a "Black Forest" cake with seemed more like Tiramisu to me, and an "Exotic Bomba". That was basically a big scoop of vanilla, mango, and a spot of cherry ice cream encased in white chocolate. YUM!!!***!!! It was kind of like some divine Easter egg of sugar...

Then we went to see "The Other Boleyn Girl" with Scarlett Johannson and Natalie Portman. The story is cruel and tragic. The king has the best costumes - lux tapestries of rich colors, and lots of pelts draped about shoulders! I found that the best acting came from supporting characters, and not the leads. I chalk this up to the fact that the 2 leading ladies are still pretty young.

It was a lovely and charming Sunday evening.

Then, Monday morning, things turned very very dark. Upon coming home on the subway, I exited the station, as usual. I noticed the intersection I normally cross to get home was blocked off with tape that read "Police Line Do not Cross". I looked to my left and saw an eighteen wheeler from a supermarket stopped in the street. I saw police bending down near it. I also saw what looked like orange plates in the road with numbers on them - marking a crime scene. I also saw what looked like a streak of water or something in the road, in a line that is similar to a skid mark.

I felt a HEAVY vibe pervading the air; it clung to me and stuck in my mind all day, bringing me way down. I saw nothing directly that would indicate what had really happened - that a 28 year-old Harvard doctoral candidate, Isaac Meyers, had indeed been hit and killed in that very intersection almost 4 hours before I arrived - hit by that truck, and the body dragged for a block.

I have found myself so affected by this. I sensed the death in the air, and I wonder if this is a newly heightened sense, after my mother’s passing. Even still, I am disturbed, and it casts a shadow over me.

One day you’re here, one moment, even. And then gone. Gone as the wind blows. And in that absence is such a questioning sorrow. Out with a whimper, for sure.

Despite all that I have other news to report. Thanks to Tony for being cheerful and getting and keeping my spirits up most of the time, though I know sometimes it must seem an impossible task!
Yak fur portion:
Friday night, I did a solo set at the MidEast Corner. I never have to do a gig like that again and I am so glad about that!! As Tony put it, "It’s ghetto!" It is a background music kind of spot, and I played it with my quiet instruments on a noisy Friday night. But the fact I was able to get up there and do it all by myself and overcome FEAR and ANXIETY (didn’t drink coffee for 2 days before the gig) is a testament to a strength for which I am thankful. Some friends came and supported, and that rocked!! It was a benefit for Tibet’s cause against China, so to speak. I was given a yak fur bracelet woven by a Tibetan nun. It is a symbol of opposition and resistance, and I wear it now.

I mistakenly brought an amp which was about 5 times bigger than the gig demanded (or the size of the stage), but where pilgrims go, there is the Ka’aba. Next time, I’ll leave the Stack at home;)

Thursday, Tony and I performed "Halellujah" as written by Leonard Cohen. It was at Squawk - a Cambridge happening where poets and songwriters gather to express themselves and share words and song. The hostess of the night gave me such a nice intro. It was cool performing in a church. Siunded so nice, and the people looking at me, I felt like a preacher of song. I imagined what it mustn have been like for Marianne Faithfull to perform at that church in NYC with Marc Ribot on gtr...etc.

The band:
We’re getting Tshirts made for the show, etc. Dave Tree is silkscreening them, and we hung out in his studio last night after practice, listening to the Butthole Surfers and joking around.

We’re doing a short live set on WERS on Friday morning @ 10:30AM that’s 88.9FM in Boston, and we have an interview on WAAF Sunday night.

The show is imminent!

Black Fortress CD release party!

2008-02-28T08:13:00.001-08:00

Current mood: ninja
Category: Music

Big news!!! Black Fortress Of Opium will be celebrating the debut of our S/T CD release at The Abbey Lounge on Thursday March 27th, 2008.
3 Beacon St
Somerville, MA 02143
Admission: $8

The CD was recorded in Brooklyn NYC and produced by Martin Bisi (Dresden Dolls, Sonic Youth, Iggy Pop)...We are trying to get Martin to come up and play a song with us!!!

We will be joined by friends and very special guests...

9pm: Ad Frank (solo)
9:45pm: Garvy J (X-Elevator Drops)
10:45pm: Black Fortress of Opium (Rich Cortese will be Joining us on Bass Guitar!)
11:45pm: The Invisible Rays

It should be a fun night filled with music, belly dancing (YES BELLY DANCING!!!), Egyptian lore and other stuff.....WEAR YOUR EYELINER!!!!!!!

http://www.blackfortressofopium.com
http://www.garvyj.com/
http://www.theinvisiblerays.com/
http://www.adfrank.com/
http://www.abbeylounge.com/

Music in film screening!

2008-02-27T12:32:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

I just wanted to share some exciting news!

You may remember I had worked on composing new music for an indie film by director Alice Cox last year, and for which Black Fortress of Opium also recorded the cover of Magnetic Fields' 'Born on a Train'...

Well the film is going to be screened at the Atlanta Film Festival.

The film is called 'Ana's Time', and the festival dates are April 10-19th.

I will post more info when I have it.

Cheers,
Ajda

U23D

2008-02-27T07:07:00.001-08:00

Current mood: sleepy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Tony and I went to see the U23D movie on Monday.

It f***ing rocks!!

You get cool 3D glasses to wear, and they take you on a real trip. The film was shot at a concert in Buenos Aires from their last tour.

It's really outstanding and amazing.

I saw them live once, and it was just as good, in a different way.

It really re-affirmed the rock and roll dream for me.

They just know how to do it. They took my ass to school. Rock School.

The sound is spectacular and the showmanship truly genuinely supreme.

It is thrilling to see tens of thousands of people in that arena; when they all bounce it looks like a real goddamn wave.

We practiced last night. Getting ready for the CD release show. Rich Cortese is on bass. After rocking out, we went to a goth night friend Mistress Laura is holding at the Plough. We hung out and chatted with friends, listening to Siouxsie & the Banshees, Bauhaus, etc, munching on dark chocolate M&Ms. I had some refreshing gin&tonics.

It was fun. But we were real bad on a school night and stayed up too late. Now I'm tired at work:( It's all good though, cause I got rock'n'roll to keep me going...

Palmer’s Throat

2008-02-01T19:25:00.000-08:00

Current mood: sympathetic
Category: Friends

I just read about how Amanda is having surgery on her throat because she has vocal nodes.

My heart goes out to her. But it is good she's addressing the problem now so she doesn't permanently damage her voice.

Jeez, and she doesn't even play with loud guitar amps or anything. She's been singing her ass off, though, for many years now, and for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Unfortunately, such things can happen when people work it too hard, I guess.

Anyway, I wish her a safe and speedy recovery.

There is nothing sadder than a songbird who cannot sing.

Home Sweet Yurt

2008-01-14T07:56:00.001-08:00

Current mood: relaxed
Category: Life

My Yurt
I love this picture. I would like to live in one - a yurt.
Photo by David Samuel Robbins.

Currently listening :
LDN
By Lily Allen
Release date: 26 September, 2006

Lagerfeld and Slash

2008-01-06T16:05:00.000-08:00

Current mood: confused
Category: Art and Photography

New year, new blogs. Yes, this is the time when I ingest ideas and inspirations in hopes of turning them into something in the spring.

For now, right at this moment, it is Karl Lagerfeld, and Slash, of Guns'n'Roses.

I saw a documentary on Lagerfeld today. It was interesting and inspiring. I love fashion movies, and it's been years since I've seen one. Anyway, there is a Cambridge cab driver I have had and see around the neighborhood from time to time. I asked if he'd ever driven anyone famous, and he said Karl Lagerfeld...

Lagerfeld doesn't have personal relationships i.e. boyfriends. He talks in the film about being detached. He also talks about his mother, and what she was like. Cold. But he claims to have liked it, and think other mothers were silly. Yes, detached is what he claims to prefer. The film resultingly makes him seem isolated. The man is an enigma, for he seems simultaneously inhuman and casually human. Who knows what is really going on in there. But he claims he doesn't want anyone to really know him, not even the ones he loves deeply.

Slash's autobio is very entertaining but so real. He talks at great length about what the other band members were like, and how they all interacted, their working methods, group/individual dysfunction, etc. I eat it up.

But I feel both things are bathing my brain with information that gives me more insight into the human condition from that fortunate perspective which is not my own.

Currently listening :
Sister
By Sonic Youth
Release date: 11 October, 1994

I am a Siren

2008-01-02T17:02:00.001-08:00

of the Apocalypse...

Er, at least according to Martin Bisi's new record, I am.

See track one and get a dose of my vox.

The artwork is lovely too!

Death, Death, Death Until the Sun Cries Morning

2007-12-30T10:27:00.000-08:00

One year ago today was the last time I saw my mother alive.

Tomorrow is an even more painful anniversary.

I am so dying to get out of town right now. Car trip to the casino, Lexington, somewhere or anywhere.

Napoleon and Winter

2007-12-28T12:54:00.000-08:00

Current mood: heartbroken
Category: heartbroken Life

Well, my father left today after a brief visit. We packed a lot in.

Unfortunately, the Boston he saw was kind of dirty and depressing. Winter doldrums taken hold, and what not.

We did spend some very nice time with Tony and his mom, and friends. Intricately decorated desserts were involved. And thoughts of them cheer me now. The moment they were unveiled was something else, I tell thee.

And the bite we shared of a Vicenza d'Amore was a cherry bite of heaven in my mouth.

Santa was good to me, indeed, bringing gear, soaps, books, and sweetmeats. I am very fortunate.

My father and I took in the Napoleon exhibit at the MFA yesterday. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Very interesting how the man looked to Rome, Egypt, and other great civilizations with which to visually align his empire.

So many of the details on the furniture (such as bed frames) and cups and candelabras referred/alluded to love and time. Poppies were oft used to symbolize these things - sleep, love, and the intoxicating nature of the 2.

The romantic in me sat up and took much notice. It was very engaging.

I bought some poppy candy from the store at the Museum. Artificial poppy flavoring...

The assassination of Benizir Bhutto and the rapidly approaching anniversary of my mother's passing have me in a rather dark place this week, but I'm trying to get through. Little bits of sunshine help.

Currently listening :
La Guitara: Gender Bending Strings
By Various Artists
Release date: 01 November, 2005

Winter Slumber

2007-12-05T08:25:00.001-08:00

My arms are so tired, so is my mind and eyes. I ache with longing for rest. Winter slumber.

The whole year weighs on my back with memories of activities. More work than leisure, perhaps than ever.

It's like the end of the week, when I am tired and ready for rejuvenation. The cumulative weight of days bringing on weariness.

Is myspace becoming a ghost town? It feels quiet, but maybe it's just the settling in of Old Man Winter who is truly here...

Maybe I'll just hang out in this old wooden saloon, and write something new while everyone else is buying Xmas presents and whooping it up.

Who knew my thirtieth year would turn out so? Too much to log, too much to say.

I cannot help but wonder what the next year shall bring.

Life, Love, the Pursuit of Heart’s High

2007-11-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

Current mood: happy
Category: Life

Yeah, I'm in a glorious mood today:)

Sunny out and love is making me happy and on high.

Band stuff is rocking. Damn, practice sounded gr8 last night. I got me a *real* amp, and have now joined the Boys' Club. It seems as if they can actually hear what I'm doing now. Ha hah!

A real progression, I'd say.

Anyway, we jaunt to NYC this weekend for a show, and Tony plays with his other woman (World's Greatest Sinners) there on Saturday, too.

Family news:
Had an OK Thanksgiving with my Dad. We were there for each other, and that's the most important part. We went shopping, had coffees, and worked out together.

He's interviewed to join the Peace Corps. He's retiring this December, at the age of 65, after teaching for 26 years in the ghetto in Houston. The man is a veteran.

I bought some new exercise equipment while in Houston - a simple resistance cord, but it's gr8 for travel. My home gym has come a long way. I now have:

2lb. medicine ball
stability ball
3, 5, and 8lb. weights
ankle weights
mat
resistance cord

Got some new sneaks, too. Reeboks. Nothing too fancy, but fit for the job.

More band stuff:
People can now hear some of the new album online. 3 of the 10 songs are posted at http://sonicbids.com/blackfortressofopium.

And we were in the Boston Globe last week, in the Sidekick.

Ramifications

2007-11-20T14:20:00.000-08:00

Category: Life

The title of today's blog bears no significance. I just saw the word somewhere else and liked it momentarily.

I'm like Beuys over here - using car parts, bottles, and cutlery or whatever I find lying around to amuse myself.

No I haven't lost my mind just yet.

I'm feeling accomplished, which = relaxed, for me anyway.

I just had a tasty little lunch of chicken and shrimp Pad Thai. Delicious lunch special @ 9 Tastes in Hvd Sq.

I feel accomplished because the end of the year is nearing, and I have done much. I am creatively behind in some ways {new material}, but considering the energy and time spent making the record, it is well worth it. I don't want to have tunnel vision.

Heroes' Tunnel. We'll be crossing it soon. Playing in NYC next weekend.

Played Upstairs last night to some enthusiastic friends, and gained some new fans.

The record is off to the pressing plant now. Out of my hands. Boy am I glad. The limbo was killer. Discs should arrive in about 3 weeks! And it'll be like I had 1000 babies with 3 different daddies. Yes, scary thought. Though Martin is probably the Big Daddy, or more the grand-daddy.

I'm just being silly. The show is over, the record's nearly done, and I'm flying home to Houston for the Holiday. I daresay I'm excited or something. Or at least in a good mood.

I have some fun things to look forward to, and that makes me happy.

And as far as Thanksgiving, well I have some things to not be so thankful for; this is the first Thanksgiving of my entire life without a home-cooked meal. The first year without my mother. She used to get so happy when I came home. She would decorate, etc. I feel now like my dad and I are a little orphaned. There will be one empty chair this year.

But I am still so very thankful for many other things and people in my life. For Providence.

Currently reading :
Intimacy and Solitude
By Stephanie Dowrick
Release date: February, 1996

Special Guest

2007-10-25T06:41:00.001-07:00

Current mood: chipper
Category: Music

Tonight Martin's band is playing @ Church, and I'm gonna sit in on a song. It's the title track off his new album - Sirens of the Apocalypse. It's a fun and funny song. I been workin' on memorizing it, but also Martin's gonna bring the cue cards. LOVE IT!!!! I'm curious to scope out the place, too, since we have a big show there next Fri...

Energy adrift. The clouds have been looking so pretty lately. All kinds of different shapes. 2 days ago, there were beautiful canyons of clouds shrouding the city. It all looks so dramatic and I just eat it up.

Album art is still in the *almost there* phase. Fine. Rome wasn't built in a day, to use a trite expression. Some things are worth waiting for and all that, though my Arien firespeed nature abhors waiting!!!!!! Witness this phenomenon as I painfully try to get better at harpsichord. Still a beginner, though now reaping rewards and fruits from hard-earned hours spent toiling away. I've been taking my little lessons and practicing regularly for 3 years now. "Consistency is the key to results."-THE FIRM workouts

Went pumpkin-picking this Sunday. Tony took me to Arena Farms. Got a 60lb. one and a 35lb. one for carving. Plus a lovely albino blonde one the size of a Texas grapefruit. We also checked out open studios in Fort Point and that was fun. It was a lovely day for walking about. One of Tony's friends/neighbors makes jewelry and metal wares, and from her he bought me the prettiest hand-hammered copper coffee scoop. Now I gotta buy some decaf!

Cinematic Soul

2007-10-18T09:51:00.001-07:00

Current mood: moody
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

So I've seen a lot of movies lately:

Lust, Caution
Inland Empire
Ballad of Sad Cafe
Moonstruck
Elvis '68 Comeback Special

I thought the sex scenes in Lust, Caution were too graphic. Not the nudity per se, no, that was tasteful enough...I just felt like it's unfortunate that actors have to get that intimate with each other...I mean that's not natural or healthy, to me. Oh, I understand it's purpose and all, but how can it not be psychologically damaging in their personal lives?

Case in point: Inland Empire
Layers upon levels about actors, Hollywood, cheating, death.
I enjoyed watching this so much. It had all the tone, mystery, and mood that is typical of David Lynch. I liked it much better than Mulholland Drive, though still not as much as Twin Peaks or Blue Velvet...

And the Eastern European element this time was nice, as I recently saw 'Eastern Promises' and have had all things Russian (Faberge eggs, etc.) on my mind since.

My favorite bit about Inland Empire:
When Laura Dern is recounting what's happened to her and she talks about how men gradually reveal themselves - who they really are. I could totally relate to that whole speech.

Ballad of Sad Cafe:
A strange movie about the West(?) starring Vanessa Redgrave - a master actress. There was a bit in this movie about LOVE...what makes a couple being the "lover" and the "be loved", and how the "lover" craves the love of the "be loved" and how hard it can be to be the "be loved". Made a whole lotta sense to me.

I feel a blog coming on...

2007-10-10T07:29:00.001-07:00

Current mood: calm
Category: Life

OK, I know it's been awhile since I blogged...

News of late:
Went to Spooky World on Saturday with Tony. It was good clean trashy American fun. They had a little magic show which incorporated live animals - doves, a big bunny, and a huge poodle.

Tony won me a little stuffed bear with his prowess at darts.

I screamed my head off. Not good, considering I had a vocal sesh the next day...but oh well.

I did vocals for the Narcoterror record on Sunday. I am very pleased with how they sound and can't wait to share with others!!

Yes, yes...This year had been a big one for recording for yours truly.

Soon my vocals will caress your earwaves~~~~~

Last night the Black Fortress of Opium began working on some new material - I presented 3 songs. This band is too good!! They rocked out immediately...We may even have a new song or more for the big Church set coming up on 11/2!

I tuned into my old buddy Peter Choyce's show out in LA on KXLU. Victor Venckus from ZBC was on and it was like a total flashback too a few years back...It reminded me how much I fucking love hanging out there in LA, so I made a foiled attempt to go and see my West Coast friends. But it was not to be yet.

I should really be going back to Türkiye, most immediately, as it seems too hard for me to be an effective business partner from an Atlantic Ocean away. Tix are cheap, and I have no more fear of travelling alone btwn here and there.

I finished reading 'Cat's Cradle' a little while back. Nice read. Quick one, too.

I bought tix to see/hear Mozart's Requiem in February. Yes, it's actually for the day after Valentine's Day...hee hee. I am very excited. I want to get back to supporting the arts.

In some ways, I feel like I'm getting to know Boston in a more committed way. I've been here over 10 years now, and while I suspect it will never feel quite like Houston - I have spent most of my adult life here. Typical Aries that I am, I feel my eyes are just now opening like a little kitten. Rebirth. I feel very grateful to have been blessed with a huge surplus of faith and hope eternal. I have ceased wondering why or from where it comes. It just does.

Went to a spa with my homegirl Irina. That was very nice. She's is a terrific hang. Feels like family.

I've been grooving out on my new guitar, which I adore.

Told SJ Roi about it. He wants to do a TQ reunion. I'm down, with the caveat of many rehearsals first. But anyway, some of those songs we used to do never even got recorded and it's just a goddamn shame. Chestbox, anyone?

Been playing my flute again more. Tony's giving me some session work on it, and it just feels so good when I play it. I have a skill on it that I don't have on any other instrument. I feel like it's a powerful weapon when I play - especially fast. Yes, I have hope a-plenty, but little patience when it comes to practicing slow. It KILLS me to practice slow. But my teacher says really good players do a lot of slow practice.

Oh yeah. I bought the new Siouxsie album, plus the new PJ Harvey, plus PJ's 'Uh Huh Her'.

Israel

2007-09-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

Current mood: aggravated
Category: Music

Tony loaned me his current issue of MOJO music magazine, b/c in it there is an interview with Siouxsie (born Susan Janet Ballion). The interview is supposed sum up the life of the artist, though it touches lightly on the fact she has a new album out called Mantaray.

Anyway, the interview is dramatic enough - she leaves at one point. She got pissed when the interviewer brings up the infamous (though I was unaware) picture of a young Siouxsie with a swastika armband.

They mentioned the song Israel, which she admitted was done in part to atone for the sin of wearing the armband, though she claimed that was done in complete innocence...

It got me thinking, and jogged a memory of how I once found a 7" single of that very song in a junk pile in my old house, at 141 Western Ave...I went upstairs and put it on my stereo at the time, liked it, but wasn't sure who it belonged to, so I put it back after spinning it. Although, now I feel foolish for not taking it, b/c it obviously didn't belong to any of those roommates!

THE ALBUM IS DONE

2007-09-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

Hear Ye,

The album is done. It'll probably be self-titled as Black Fortress of Opium, lest we make it unduly hard on publicists and critics, etc who can't get with the concept of something not in comfortable, safe English. Yeah, OK I'm a little pissed about doing this but whatever. It's the music that matters most, and the concept is secondary.

Anyway, it sounds so awesome, and REAL. Sounds good in the car, or headphones. It's an accomplishment the likes of which I have never before achieved. But the real task lies in the details of getting the artwork finished up so a real product can be made. The actual follow-through is multipart.

My eternal thanks to Martin for sculpting our sonic clay into something full of beauty. A hand-stitched item, as it were.

Other tidbits:
Started reading 'Cat's Cradle'. Digging it. It feeds right into my newest song, which was actually inspired by PK Dick's 'A Scanner Darkly', but there are Bokonian threads...Reading about the scientist got me thinking about Tony, and how I can see a bit of his father's scientific method in his actions. His dad was a nuclear physicist at MIT, and Tony was accepted into West Point, but chose instead to be a soldier of the guitaring kind. I bought him a little present today - one of the fruits from Hell...

Hee hee. Anyway good news as his mom's back surgery went better than expected.

I think I might check out the big gtr expo this weekend. I need new gear. I wanna get all American made instruments.

We're gonna jam with a new bass player this weekend. An absolute must after I had to let Joel go, and go off and do other things. No hard feelings on my end, though.

I bought some pussy willows today at the grocery store. They remind me of my childhood - not of any particularly fond memory per se, as I don't have many from then. No, more of a mood and tone thing, really. They used to grow in ditches alongside back roads where my dad would drive me around. We'd go exploring there, near an old salt mill (ironically near Sugarland, Texas) and pick up things like discarded test tubes.

It's all about the science.

Currently reading :
Cat’s Cradle
By Kurt Vonnegut
Release date: 08 September, 1998

Return of the Blog!

2007-09-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life

Today is going OK.

Got some good news in the mail - ASCAPLUS award for some $$$ for like the 4th time.

I have been in need of good news.

Today is pleasantly uneventful, thankfully.

I am preparing to go back down to NYC for mastering this weekend. To put the cap on the deal, or something...

In the latest Interview magazine, I read Bob Colacello has a new book coming out called 'Out'. A coffee table sort of deal - photos of Andy Warhol and that scene etc. Harvard Bookstore doesn't have it in yet.

Autumn is rolling, er creeping, in. Though today is kinda hot.

I'm almost back to normal after a nasty bout of bacterial infection. Feeling optimistic about the future. Things feel momentarily stable, and all I have is the moment.

I walk around the city and though I usually am left with an empty feeling at summer's end, between seasons, I feel hope in my heart once more. With all the change around us, good, great, and better things than we could ever imagine are possible.

I like feeling on the cusp of something good and exciting.

Finished watching Art School Confidential last night. Very funny until about 2/3 of the way through. Follow through is rough for filmmakers it seems...I am frequently disappointed with a movie's ending. But that is just myself.

Chelsea Hotel & NYC Adventures

2007-08-29T16:36:00.001-07:00

Current mood: sick
Category: Life

This is from yesterday...

Slept straight though the night for the first few hours. Woke up crying again. Dreaming about my mother again. Fall back asleep. More dreams. Bloody and possibly sexual. Then I dream of my mother telling me President Clinton is killed in a car accident. A vision of him bloody appears in my asleep mind.

I have no idea where all this is coming from. But perhaps it is not for me to know.

Tony and I stayed 2 days in the Chelsea Hotel. For the record, let me say I believe in energy, but have never seen a ghost or spirit. There is a definite vibe in that building. We stayed in Room 830. I am not aware of anything particularly interesting happening in there, unlike Room 100, where Sid & Nancy lived, and Nancy was murdered.

We mosdef saw some freaks in the joint.

Day 3 of the last batch of mixing:::We go over the first-ever field recordings I made, in Türkiye in 2000. Some snippets made it onto the records, let's just say...As my mom would have said, it is kismet.

You’re Feeling Old and Your Heart is Breaking

2007-08-16T11:17:00.001-07:00

Current mood: mellow

'And before you know/You're feeling old/And your heart is breaking/Don't hold onto the past'
~Madonna

The age thing is a wave, I find. Sometimes I feel age creeping over me, but then other times I feel perfectly youthful, especially given the current average life expectancy. Although, I honestly don't expect to make it past 50 with my family history, etc.

Anyway, a good friend of mine who is about 46 told me he regrets how he felt old when he was younger - like my age, or younger. He's had it all - professional success and a child.

I think this is sound advice. Feeling old is a drag.

If anything, it's the little struggles that don't seem to get easier (enough) that make me world-weary. But therapy helps so much.

The weirdest thing of all is to find yourself changing, changing into someone else, or very different from who you thought you would be. When you were young, how you balked at such things. You knew better...Ha ha. Time has the last laugh.

Spent last weekend in the studio again. Now 4/10 done. Wore a black armband for Tony Wilson. God rest his poor soul. In honor of him, I listened to '24 Hour Party People' about 20 times in a row. It's just as good every time. I meditated on 24 Hour Party People, Party Monster and the Hacienda...Funny, this Nico disc I got a few months back (ATP) has her performing live at the Hacienda BDay Party.

Oh to have been there, or at the Hacienda EVER!

The band is releasing a new song online in honor of the show next week...only a few more days now...

Currently listening :
Public Image
By Public Image Ltd.
Release date: 26 March, 1996

Reconnecting with the Past/Stonehenge!!

2007-07-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

The sacred invitation to Stonehenge came this morning. Each year, I wait, and am again rewarded. Last year, er was it 2 now, Lee set shit on fire. Hee hee that was fun.

Anyway, nothing like a little late summer fun.

In the past week, I watched:
For a Few Dollars More
The Queen (saw it outdoors, a treat)
Spinal Tap

Lord God please save me from playing on bills with puppet shows.

Instead of going to ArtBeat last weekend, I grooved out to my new Brian Jones Jajouka CD, playing bamboo flutes my friend Joseph made me. Er, trying to play them. They're like trick flutes! I can barely get a tone out of them. Later that night I went to see Tony play with the World's Greatest Sinners at the Scooter Rally. Some band called The Raging Teens was also on the bill. They had a clean look - very 50s, upright bass, and all. And the drummer had the biggest bass drum I've laid eyes on, but the soundman sucked so bad you couldn't hear it. There was feedback the whole night. Sigh.

I presented a new song to the band which they're digging. A Battle Cry. I can see the video already. Originally, I wanted to have a theme song for the band. I always found it adorable when bands do that...but now I've just accepted that this piece has its place.

Back to NYC this weekend for our last tracking session with Martin for this album.

I connected with some friends from the past this week...local friends...from 1998...from 2002. It was nice to hang out with familiar folks. I do feel my life has been in a bit of turmoil since mother passed. It's so fascinating to see how we all change as we age. I laugh more like a survivor now.

My daddy's birthday is tomorrow. He'll be 65. He sent me a postcard from Alaska this week. It came at just the right time.

Tony's mom's BDay is today, so last night I took over a Pear Frangiapane tart, which we shared over laughs.

Microcosm Star Watch

2007-07-20T10:06:00.001-07:00

Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

Ah Cambridge.

Why, just this morning on my way to the post office and back - a >5 minute walk - I saw many stars. Skinny Mike, Betsy Nichols, and Adam Glasseye. Every one of them friendly. That's why Alice and I like it here so much - it's a lot like Texas.

Grooving to Brian Jones Jajouka.

Despite the noises made by strangers outside my door, I sense a collective unconscious rhythm rising to the fore.

Currently listening :
Brian Jones Presents: The Pipes of Pan at Jajouka
By The Master Musicians of Jajouka
Release date: 26 September, 1995

Stairway to Cambridge

2007-07-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

Current mood: chipper
Category: Life

Birds are chirping, despite the grey outside. Maybe they're happy to get a little bath from the cloudspittle.

I was a birdie last night at the space. Ah learning to let go and touch in touch with my inner dervish and grab the ecstatic is a glorious thing. Little melodies that can't be tamed pouring out from my throat and soul. My mando is my greatest weapon!

Saw many films in the past 5 days. Werner Herzog's newest, 'Rescue Dawn'. Nothing like Stroszek which is good. A completely different tone.

Then I went to see 'Lights, Action, Camera' - a presentation of local/New Englande filmmakers/animators works. Some friends had a music video in there. It definitely stood out amongst the numerous student pieces/bad goth/experimental films which went on and on...It's like, jeez, look at the plug ins the kids can use now. So much sameyness. Some of the animations were funny - like the one about a married man whose wife conivnces him to start using a daily planner. He becomes so organized he starts multi-tasking and gets too busy, starts using coke, goes crazy, and gets fired. Very funny, and tres modern.

Tony and I watched 'If You Only Knew'. It's a documentary on jazz singer Jimmy Scott. Tony's getting into him now, and we might end up covering 'Sycamore Trees', one of my fave cover songs in my repretoire. We'd wait until the autumn, naturally.

Some of y'all might remember when I read the book on Jimmy - 'Faith in Time', by David Ritz. I blogged about it surely...

This man has definitely influenced me. Did you know he worked with Lou Reed? Yeah, and Ray Charles.

Weirdness:
So the night before last, I was on the phone to my LA homeboy JJ. We were talkin' music biz an' all dat, when we started brainstorming about rent-a-pet centers and coffee shops. He told me about a new one out there {called Choke} which is like also a scooter-repair shop. Anyway, we came up with the name Church b/c people are so religious about coffee. I could even imagine the neon golden sign. Cursive, italics, not sure which font.

The next morning Tony emails me about a new club in town opening under the name - CHURCH. I kid thee not.

Crazy coincidence!! Or maybe just collective unconscious?

Started watching a doc on some guys trapped on their ship in solid ice for 635 days back in the early 20th century, but didn't finish it yet.

Speaking of ice, my dad is leaving for Alaska today. He hasn't been there in probably 40 years. I asked him to bring me some scrimshaw. Hee hee. Or a totem pole.

New York Purge

2007-07-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life

Back from NYC again. I'm a ding-dang yoyo.

I'm high on roughs from the session. OMG, sounding SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD.

Happy Ajda, and that's a good thing.

Sunday Martin and I worked about 12 hours straight on the traxx. 7 hours the next day. We are nearing the end of tracking and it's so glorious to hear the progression.

The Breeders' version of 'I Can't Help It (If I'm Still in Love with You)' has influenced me lately. I used to have the single...now it's not even on iTunes!

~~~
Went to the MidEast last night for a bite, ate at the bar, and while sitting there heard awesome music - U2, Jeff Buckley (doing Leonard Cohen), and some other stuff. It was nice to be out and about and hear cool tunes:)

~~~
I had so much fun in New York, despite not making it to the Swiss Institut. I took the Acela down, and that was most pleasant - hanging out in the Snack Car, etc. The train goes right by the water and that was wonderful and relaxing. The train speeds along, alright...

I stayed with Cynthia Friday night. First, we ate at Spice Market, near the loft, and then went for a drink at the terrace bar of the Gansevoort Hotel. Very nice, sunset-time, breezy, and we could see the Hudson clearly. Then we walked around the West Village looking for a cappuccino spot. We didn't find anything, and I was dragging my suitcase, with my as-of-late bad knee, and it was rough, 'cause of course I wasn't wearing practical shoes, either. Finally, we asked some locals hanging out on the stoop, and they recommended a place called Cafe Angelique, which was most excellent. Very good rugelach!

We took the Staten Island ferry back to Cynthia's castle, and her Pomeranian, and numerous cats, greeted us happily. The ferry was so nice. Air and water. We passed by the Statue of Liberty, which glowed in the night. It reminded me of taking the ferry in Istanbul only a month ago...

The next day I checked into my hotel in Manhattan. Met up with Martin for lunch at a fave spot of mine in the East Village - Le Petit Gamin. Headed out to Brooklyn, to see Bliss, and then we went to Coney Island for even more summer fun. Kinda ghetto, as it were, but I had a corn-dog and a beer, and we rode the ferris wheel and a wooden roller-coaster. Damn, that thing was violent. It kept going and going, much longer than I expected. It was a tortured kind of fun!

The rest of the trip was mostly work.

I'm pretty happy with the shape this summer is taking. I went to Turkey, the Cape, NYC...it's good.

Currently reading :
Carry On, Jeeves
By P.G. Wodehouse
Release date: 31 March, 2003

Musashi

2007-07-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

Current mood: productive
Category: Writing and Poetry

I have finished reading the epic of Musashi as given to me by Tony.

Through many months and many dark moons I have read this book. I have carried it all the way to Asia and back.

And now, just like that, it is done.

Next I shall read British butler short stories, and then a female epic - that of Marlene Dietrich.

The year is balancing out a bit, I feel.

Energy is returning; fears being dispelled.

Away again to NYC I go tomorree, for more recording, Coney Island summer fun baby, and visitation with the Countess. I also intend to make it to the Swiss Institut for the Fischli-Weiss exhibit.

Played my flute for awhile today. I went through a full warm-up - long tones, scales, thirds, tone exercises, etudes, and polonaises. Felt good. Then a little guitar practice, too. I love my classical.

Watched Casino Royale last night. I was kind of surprised at how long they let the romantic scenes go on. One truly got the impression 007 was really in love and allowing himself to get vulnerable.

SO DEPRESSED-CITY CHANGES

2007-06-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

Current mood: sad
Category: Food and Restaurants

After work today, I was SO looking forward to going to Caffe Paradiso in Harvard Square and getting a cappuccino or gelato affogato or something. What I found in its place was yet another empty building.

It almost broke my heart to still be able to see the neon Cappuccino sign inside. I had been going there for 10 years through sun rain snow and various boyfriends.

Where did it go? Why did it go?

I read just now that the Greenhouse is also gone.

Harvard Square is becoming less and less of a destination.

Casualties in the last year alone:
Caffe Paradiso
Greenhouse
Ferranti-Dege
Toscanini's

WTF??? I come back from three weeks in Turkey, determined to get on with things, genuinely feeling better and more energetic only to come home to this? I don't recognize it anymore around here. I'm only 30, but it makes me feel like an old woman. Out of touch and irrelevant to the goings-on around me.

{And half of Cambridge is completely torn up beyond recognition, making it look burnt out like some war zone.}

I am so saddened.

Has style gone out of style only to be replaced by temporary dollar signs? I am disgusted. Who is behind all this and how did they get in control of everything?

I feel like not a citizen of this world when things like this happen.

Mercury Retropost

2007-06-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

Current mood: tired
Category: Life

Feeling calm and collected now, mellow even...

This morning started off with a car crash. Literally. I was waiting for my baby to come home from the gym, and I had been lying in bed thinking how peaceful and quiet it was, when all-of-a-sudden, I heard THAT sound. Screeching wheels and metal scraping and klanging against metal. I don't like it! I had just spoken with my true love a little while before the sound. All I could think of was how sometimes he doesn't put his seatbelt on right away...I told myself it couldn't be him, and that I might've just heard some construction noises or something like that, but then I heard a fire engine whirring. I freaked out and went towards the window. I could see it, and it was BAD. A car {not his thank Heavens} had crashed into and knocked down a cement light pole, as well as some street signs. Anyway, rubberneckers were lining up and there had been children in the car and they were being treated by EMTs. Just as I was going to look in the window I heard the front door open and my baby walked in.

I was struck at how fragile and vulnerable life is. A lesson I would be reminded of again later in the day as I learned one of my bandmates had a cancerous tumor removed yesterday. Lord be with us all. I'm going to visit him tomorrow. After what I so recently went through with my mom, it's pretty freaky, but now I see all the more clearly how much certain things (like hospital visits) can mean.

All the strangeness aside, today was nice and I say again how good it is to be back at home. On my promenade through the city this morning, I saw and heard from {through myspace, no doubt} a couple of people I know, from the past. It was nice hearing from old acquaintances:) Dietrich says Mercury Retrograde is a time during which lost things can be found. It's so true. A day or 2 ago, I found one of my favorite earrings I hadn't seen in months. I had given up on it, but still kept the other half of the pair. I did some ab routine, and I was getting up off my mat and just saw the little earring on the floor. Unbelievable considering that I had vacuumed that spot several times and moved furniture around and never found it. But there it was, just sparkling at me. Hope lies eternal.

There is a condo complex across the street from my house, and it has a lovely entry way. It says "Arden Court". There is a wrought-iron fence that features lovely scroll work, and there are very pretty, simple flowers growing in and around the fence. Magenta roses, I think, and some tropical looking orange flowers that have long stems and look vaguely tuberous. I think I'll take some pix of the place. It's a lovely little view. It cheers me.

Travelling in Turkey end post

2007-06-18T10:08:00.001-07:00

Current mood: pained
Category: Travel and Places

{Pictures from the trip forthcoming}

Istanbul. 5AM Sunday June17th.

My father and I said goodbye, as he departs for Amsterdam and me Milano.

It has been 3 long weeks, and I am definitely ready to be home. It's always like this. This long is my breaking point.

A) To be in my own home instead of others, or hotel rooms, no matter how luxurious. Nothing compares with home.
B) To be amongst my own things...stereo, instruments, my own bed!!
C) No more plastic bags. I travel Eastern-style, which means all dirty clothes, shoes, and cosmetics go in separate bags {Tr. is "torba"}

Overall, we went to Istanbul, Ankara, Kayseri, Afyon, Bodrum, and Fethiye. I guess Istanbul is my favorite. I like big cities, and it qualifies. Plus it has ocean all around. So there is the double happiness of city and sea.

We traveled by plane, by bus, and even rented a Fiat Albea (kind of a shi*box, that one...).

Across land and sea to fulfill my mother's last wish, to take in the culture of my ancestors.

Our last day was nice. Back in Istanbul. An old family friend called, and we caught up for almost an hour. She remembers everything my mom had told her about our affairs, relatives, etc. She is such a nice human being. Maalesef (Tr. for "unfortunately"), she lives in Ankara, and though we rang her and emailed, meeting up was not to be. Ayla's family is from the Black Sea area of Turkey, near Russia, and I have been there, but I was too young to appreciate it. I got pinched there by some stranger on the street because I was wearing shorts, of modest length even. It's not like that everywhere, but I still feel wary of showing a lot of leg and arm at the same time.

Men are like wolves, you see, and they wanna gobble you up! At least that's what their burning eyes seem to say sometimes.

Sigh. What comes next, I don't know. More of the same? Something better? A world-wide tour? Bring it.

Travelling in Turkey pt.2

2007-06-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

Current mood: calm
Category: Travel and Places

Hello from Turkiye, still...

I'm in the home stretch now. After 2 weeks of chasing around lawyers, business partners and other complicated bureaucratic shit in several cities, we are at the beach. Fresh air, ocean breezes, gorgeous sunsets, amazing 5 course meals and beaches and all that.

It's been the hardest year of my life, and now my dad and I are taking some much-needed vacation time.

Anyway, it's so hard to unwind from being so wound up all the damn time!! Thank Higher Power we have a few days here. I think I actually started enjoying myself today.

Last night, at dinner, there was a cheesy duo with sequencers playing live music. GB. General Business. Covers I despise. They were playing all SAD stuff, and my father was very emotional. Crying...So I asked the maitre'd to have the "band" play something upbeat. Normally, being a musician and all, I would NEVER do this, but I couldn't take my dad getting so upset when we were sitting down to a nice meal for 2 hours. They misunderstood me, and thought I was sayng he wanted to sing a song, and, through our waiter, told me they thought I was being rude. Finally, I managed to make myself clear, and they "got happy".

Poppy kebab, in Istanbul, for Amy, who I've never even met...
It was lamb, I think, and it didn't show any signs of flowers, and I didn't get high after eating it, neither!

Saturday, my dad and I went to Afyon, er, more properly Afyonkarahisar. The town the band Black Fortress of Opium and our album proper is named after. He, almost 65!!, and I climbed all the way up to the top. There was a small boy about 11(?) who served as an informal guide. It was about 700 crude steps up, and tough in the heat. I was pouring sweat, but I had to do it.

Now, I'd seen the castle in pictures, but it was nothing like seeing it up close, or from a short distance.

So awesome! Such an impossible rock. Jagged every which way.

I think I can understand why people climb mountains now.

I had to do it for artistic inspiration and to prove something to myself. I hope it will make me a better artist. More able to express truth and reflect the depth of human experience.

I have only a few days left of this relax time and I must enjoy it.

Thursday we will travel yet again, this time to spread my mother's ashes in the ocean at Fethiye. My father has brought them from Amerika, and they have been with us all this time. My mother is with us.

Travelling in Turkey pt.1

2007-05-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

Current mood: hot
Category: Travel and Places

Well,

Here I am in the motherland of Turkey. I've been here in Istanbul for 3 days now. We're leaving for Ankara tomorrow AM.

I meant to blog sooner, but jet lag, trying to enjoy the culture/food/etc. here, and dealing with family business has kept me busy, and/or tired. I hope to be able to sleep through the night tonight, finally.

I've sent many postcards already. Found some really nice ones this time.

My trip in review, so far (BBC news on in the background):
Upon arriving, I met up with my father at the airport. Once we left, I immediately felt at ease, and like I was at home. Seeing the Sea of Marmara and the Bosphorus, and Turks lazing about picnicking on Sunday comforted my soul. My father had the Godawful task of transporting my mother's remains with him. She is in 2 boxes, and kinda heavy...I know it's very hard on my father, being here and going through all this, and not speaking Turkish. So many memories must be tormenting him.

Despite all this we are doing OK. I feel strong enough.

Sunday night, we chilled at our hotel. A boutique affair, very nice called Celal Sultan Hotel. Clean, and very friendly staff. Hotel is situated near the 2 most famous mosques in Istanbul. Cisterns and obelisks abound, too.

Monday: Business day. Lawyer's office. Very nice. I made a good choice months ago. Their office has a stunning view of the water around Istanbul. No shabby affair. We walk around the surrounding streets before and after the meeting - Istiklal Caddesi. Hip area. I bought 3 CDs. Two of them are by artists I discovered through the movie "Crossing the Bridge" which features Alexander Hecke (from Einsturzende Neubauten) recording cool Turkish bands. These artists include Ceza, the Turkish rapper, and Aynur, who performs Traditional Kurdish and Turkish folk songs. We went to a little coffee shop called Kaffeehaus Istanbul or something like that and I order an iced caramel macchiato. Weak 'cause they don't seem to get the iced coffee concept. We bought some almonds. Turkish nuts are the **BEST**. But we got ripped off 'cause we didn't mean to buy as much (40 Turkish Lira/kg) they gave us. Walking past the shops amidst the hubbub, we saw some guys dressed up in traditional garb, wearing fezzes, handing out little brochures for a restaurant. We asked one to take us to it and he led us down some small narrow streets and my dad got a little nervous, but it was OK. A very cute rustic type place, it was, and I ate a poppy kebab for dinner.

Anyway, in sum, after meeting with the lawyer we realize we have a complicated road ahead, which we already knew.

Tuesday: Wonderful Turkish breakfast included every morning. Olives, cheeses, teas, breads, cucumbers, tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, cheese pastries (savory not sweet), watermelon, and more. We decided the night before the check out the Kariye Muzesi today- the Chora Church - which contains beautiful Christian mosaics. Cum usual, many of the faces and eyes of the icons have been rubbed out or chipped off. Golden and shimmering, many of these artifacts are...I bought some things at their little museum shop, after the polis tracked down the vendor, who had been busy eating lunch!

Then we ate lunch at a restaurant next door, called Asitane. They specialize in Ottoman recipes, and we tasted some exotic things. Apparently, Ottoman cuisine is more often baked, whereas a lot of Turkish food is grilled. The Ottoman food reminds me a little of Indian cuisine - apricots, nuts...

The next part of the day was totally botched. I read about a Yoko Ono exhibition going on at a local university, and decided to check it out. So we took a ferry across the sea to the Asian side of Istanbul. We get off amidst buses going all over and spewing diesel exhaust in our faces. I try to ascertain which bus to take. Some guy tells me a number, and we get on. That bus driver says there is no direkt servis from here, but he'll tell us where to get off and take another bus if we get on his.

One hour and 15 minutes later, he turns around and says OK, here. At that point the gallery was closed and we just wanted to get back to our hotel ASAP. He lets us off and we catch the same number going back.

A complete waste of time. Dusty poor neighborhoods I have no desire to EVER see again.

My mom's cousin {now my 2nd?} agreed earlier in the day to pick us up for dinner. He does, and his wife, 10 year old son, and the son's lovely young English tutor come along. They take us to a wonderful place, in a grove. Beylul, it's called, and it was formerly a summer home of sultans. We sit outside, as we have for almost every meal here so far. Lovely trees, the cloak of night, and a nice view of the water and the evening lights contribute to my good mood. My mood has been pretty good actually since I arrived.

Tony calls, and he asks if I've seen any Ottoman Turks. Not yet I say. I tell the family, and they assume he means the big turban-like hats...

We chat about light stuff, and heavy stuff {family land/affairs} like my mom's passing. They are sympathetic. I like hanging out with these people. They are smart, and modern, and friendly. If I have to be away from my loved ones back home, these people sure do cheer me temporarily. It's nice to break up the energy between me and my dad, too. Crucial and essential.

After dinner, cousin Murat and his wife take us to a bar - the nicest in Istanbul according to him. It's in a ritzy area called Bebek. He and my dad have raki, and I have whiskey. Again, we sit outside. But this time we a re right on the water. Little dinghy, nice yacht, and barge alike coast by - some stealthily in the darkness. The lights and hills are so beautiful!

It may sound like a broken record, but sitting outside and enjoying the view are big pastimes here.

They drive us back to our place and we bid goodnight.

Today Wednesday: Did some shopping with Dad. The tiles in Turkey are so beautiful, and bountiful. Some very special, unique artisanal crafts can be found here. Zengin olsam...{If I were rich} Took it easy today. Nice dinner outside at a place with a Medusa theme...almost full moon tonight.

Leaving Soon

2007-05-23T11:47:00.001-07:00

Current mood: hungry for a cookie
Category: hungry for a cookie Life

Allahim.

I'm leaving in less than 3 days. Some friends called to say they were worried 'cause there was a bombing in Ankara - one of the cities I'm heading to, most likely.

Anyway, I'm freaking out over here, but I am also trying to methodically get everything organized, gathered, paid, and laundered. My laundry I mean.

Amidst the mania of the documents and travel info, I am actually getting a bit thrilled to go. Somehow knowing I have people in my life who really love me strengthens me so much. I feel a spine to lean against.

I read today about orchid ice cream I can get in Istanbul. Very interesting. It's so thick you have to use a fork and knife to eat it! It's called salepi dondurma, but salep comes from Arabic sahlab, which means "fox testicles".

It has something to do with the shape of the dried tubers from which the flour/paste is derived.

Anyway, edible flowers are where it's at. Are you sensing a theme yet? {Afyonkarahisar}

Also in food news, I attended a cheese tasting last night at Whole Foods near Charles St. VERY NICE!!! We sampled 12 cheeses, all from New England. Sssssooooooo good. Especially the goat cheeses. The cheesemaster giving the class was English, and works at the Alewife store. He was born outside of London...he thought Frank, the Californian member of the supper club who went with me, was English before Frank even uttered anything. Funny.

Our palate cleanser was POM peach white iced tea. We had crostini and crackers, and even little Spanish tortes with anise with the cheeses. Also orangle blossom honey.

Afterwards, Frank and I wandered through Beacon Hill to No.9 Park for a cocktail, but they were closed for a private dinner. So we walked on to The Last Hurrah at the Omni Parker House. Along the way, we passed a cute little al fresco sushi joint called Zen that looks fun. Felt like I was in a different city, and I live for that sensation. Mysterious wonderousness reminding me of new things!

At The Last Hurrah we sat down for our drink and discussed many things. I told Frank about what I'd been up to the past several days. Show Thursday. Described it and the drama surrounding it. Groupies! Cowgirl hats! Video-cameras! Ok, well I forgot to tell him about the last 2 but anyway...Friday show with Garvy J and the long-winded Cirkus Jirkus or whateverthefuck they're called in Worcester/burger. Saturday dinner with some of Tony's family. More red meat:) Sunday early rise and off to NYC for 2 straight days of sessions. The record's mostly done being recorded!

**I blogged somewhat more poetically about the recording on the Black Fortress of Opium myspace blog page, so feel free to cross-reference there. **

Anyway, while the server shook and blended our individual little drink shakers, which created a very soothing sound, and we noshed on freshly warmed mixed nuts, Frank gave me some gr8 news.

It turns out, my bet for the Kentucky Derby won after all. Well, it came in 2nd. I won like $14! You may remember me saying this was a horse named Hard Spun whose mother was called Turkish Tryst, grandfather called Turkoman, and father namer Danzig. How cool is that?

When I first googled Turkish Queen years ago, a racehorse going by that name came up. I couldn't find a pic of it though. I like the racehorse metaphor. It's a hardworking machine, but alive, with the softness and vulnerability of warm flesh.

Some events I'll miss while I'm gone to Turkey:
2 parties this weekend
Psychic TV, who I've never seen live

Apocalypse Now

2007-05-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life

Still half-awake. Very unlike me, usually once I'm up, I'm up.

Had an apocalyptic dream again last night. Or, actually, I suspect it was this morning. Tony's building was crumbling and there was smoke streaming out of several places. Ay yay yay. I didn't even wanna tell him about it. Felt like I was bearing bads news or something. But I also felt a duty to tell him.

Whenever my grandmother or mom had a dream about us, she'd call and tell us. Yesterday, my appointed social therapy day, I had another dream with my mom. I think she spoke this time, but can't remember what she said...probably just a memory...

Going to Türkiye on May 26th for 3 weeks. I've begun gathering the necessary supplies - legal papers, sunblock, SIM cards and all that yazz.

I'm nervous about having to first understand and secondly translate everything once I get there! My father speaks no Turkish. It looks like we're gonna fly around mostly, but possibly rent a car to travel to certain spots, like AFYON, the town named "Opium". I MUST visit this place and learn its secrets.

APOCALYPSE NOW:
Watched it Friday night. Tony is obsessed! Keeps talking about Captain Willard and Colonel Kurtz, and wearing camouflage...hee hee. Man that is one gritty film. Martin Sheen was so cute:) I thought music was hard to do, but film is a whole other level, or several. You really have to be insane to do film. It requires SO MUCH help! Building shit just to blow it up, etc.

Now we're about 20 minutes into Fellini's Satyricon. WEIRD. Very colourful, and great burnt out imagery.

Went to a rock and roll social yesterday. Seriously anxious first. But once I got there I was semi-OK. A friend helped and then more friends showed up. Girlfriends. It's good to get some feminine energy in my life. And it's super cool when it's femmes who do music but aren't competitive or weird with me. Then we can chat and commiserate like the boys but in our own girly way.

Anyway, I'm glad I went. Met a few people, handed out some flyers, and I won a haircut. I was so hoping to win and the universe heard me!

I wanna lessen my locks for summer. Just a trim.
******
Got in the mood do do some cooking this week. It's hard with so many roommates buzzing around like flies. But anyway, I made some Tiger Balls. Yes, unfortunately named, but tasty!
powdered sugar, chocolate chips, graham cracker crumbs, 2 sticks butter, organic pnut buttr
rolled into balls and drizzled with chocolate
Everyone seems to like them.

I also plan on making garlic Swiss steak and Mucver this week. Mucver is Turkish for zucchini pancakes. I got the dill!

A tip for corn: I like to boil the water to a rolling boil, then put the cob in, along with a pat of butter and some sugar, like a tsp or something. Cover and remove from heat for 8 minutes. Then voila, it's done and kinda sweet and tasty. This way I don't feel the need to add more butter or salt afterwards.

****
One more thing. Kentucky Derby was Saturday. Frank noticed one horse's dam was named Turkish Tryst, so he put $3 on that horsie for me. Alas, it did not win, place, or show. {Suffolk Downs is the only place I've ever been where I've seen men spitting on the floor - inside a building.}

Doe

2007-05-03T08:44:00.000-07:00

Current mood: sneezy
Category: sneezy Life

Yesterday I read online about Evil Eyes. Here's a very cool website all about it:http://www.luckymojo.com/evileye.html.

I am preparing for a journey to the motherland ~ Türkiye. Hoping to make it to Afyonkarahisar for obvious reasons.

Beautiful glowing MOON (((O))) last night, hanging over the city. Sometimes it's so big, it's funny and absurd.

I'm psyched that this month there is a blue moon, and I'll be in Istanbul for it on May 31st. The moon there over the seven hills is powerful.

This month is so crazy - show, recording, international travel. Dang, I guess I wish it was like that more, but I like my cozy quiet cafe time, too.

I'm pretty full mentally, and I hope I remember everything necessary for my trip!

Forgot to wear earrings today and my balance is off.

I think the coffee shop gave me caf instead of decaf. Yikes.

Yesterday, I walked through the Common a little on my way to Studio 44, and it was a wonderful scene: I was carrying my beloved dedicated copy of Musashi. It was sunny and bright, and there were pink petals raining from the trees that gave the impression of snow.

Most poetic in my heart and soul.

My horoscope says I won't be happy staying in this weekend, so I gotsta get out and about, or I'll have cabin fever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ART:
Hoping to check out the Edward Hopper exhibit chez MFA before I split for Turkey. And to finish viewing the Beuys/Fluxus.

Tysav is playing the Baseball Tavern Saturday, so I suspect I'll be celebrating Cinco de Mayo there...oh wait, I'm Texan, so I should be lamenting it. But if Tejas hadn't lost, it wouldn't have such a cool and distinctive shape, so I'm not sad.

Blog for Tony

2007-04-25T07:58:00.001-07:00

Current mood: cold
Category: Life

Ha ha. Tony likes to tease me about my blog, so here's one:

Busy weekend. Was in NYC again. Recording on Martin Bisi's album this time. The song is called "Sirens of the Apocalypse". Martin made it fun with lyrics on a cue card. Stayed with Bliss, and she knitted me a capelet. We watched the first half of Spinal Tap, which I had never seen...

It's a very pub-rock type track.

Still waiting to find out about when I go to Türkiye. In all likelihood, it'll be a month from now...I canna wait to bathe in the Mediterranean.

Last time I was overseas I hadn't yet blogged, ever...I often think about how cool it was to go to Prague by myself and fly in that prop plane from Münich...kinda scary, but it really felt like an adventure! It was the first time I really went somewhere I didn't speak the language. Got out of my comfort zone a little.

~~~
Germanic Influence:
I need to get back to the Busch-Reisinger to see the rest of the Fluxus/Beuys show. Weird how they have some American artists featured in this collection.

Watched Stroszek a few nights ago. My God. Mon Dieu. Allahim. Herzog is so clever. Woyzeck...Stroszek. Kinski is not in it...
The end is shocking, sad and frenzied...I can understand the effect on Ian Curtis. But there is a scene with a baby that is the most moving thing I have *ever* seen in any cinema. Life-affirming. And there is a small detail of a bird named Beo. Some very romantic imagery that is SO European. Very romantic in a melancholy way.

~~Speaking of melancholy, my aunt emailed me saying she thinks my music is too "melancholic". She said she hopes one day I find some excitement and happiness that can show through in my music. Yeah, GET HAPPY NOW!

That's fine. The reviewer who trashed my solo CD at least said I am "tender and philosophical".

"Those who hurt us give us gifts."-Paula Vogel

FOOD:
Tony took me to a new bakery in Fort Point called Flour. I had the most delicious chocolate brioche...I had one today for breakfast, but from Hi-Rise Bread Co. in the Square.

BTW, for all chocolate-loving freaks out there - 2 tidbits.
1) As of May 14th, the LA Burdick in Harvard Sq. will be closed for renovations. Now, they also have a store, and restaurant in Walpole, MA I've been meaning to check out, but I don't even know where Walpole is...Looks like a fine cheese selection from the online photos.
2) I tried the TAZA Chocolate Lounge at the Mariposa Bakery in Central Sq. It was OK. I was in a weird mood when I went - feeling too much food guilt to really enjoy myself. Kind of a yuppie crowd...I just had a hot chocolate.

Time Capsule

2007-04-18T08:13:00.001-07:00

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life

Busy weekend.

Saturday: Black Fortress played the Abbey Lounge. Tony brought a lot of folks out, and I was happy to see some of my friends there too. A lot of folks who hadn't seen us before got to check it out. We covered Sister Europe by the Psychedelic Furs. I had to keep that secret for many weeks and it was hard. We added a little magic to the stage show by leaving the stage one by one, leaving Joe playing the drum beat...

People probably think I'm being anti-social immediately after the set...if they only knew how much gear I gotta deal with...see me up there playing a different instrument on each song...?

It was fun playing kinda early 'cause then I got to hang out and relax afterwards.

I was disappointed that there was no after-party, but oh well. Can't always find the 24-Hour Party People.

Sunday: Rough morning.{Post-gig} Crappy weather didn't help motivate me to get to my sesh on time. I needed a sit-down breakfast with Tony. We didn't eat together once all week 'cause he was so busy. Went to S&S Deli and took care of the problem {My usual-Eggs Copenhagen and Cappuccino). Then he dropped me off like a little schoolgirl in the rain at the studio.

Hi'N'Dry. The studio started by Mark Sandman of Morphine, local legend. I walk in and people are immediately assembling for th group vocals, which was my cue.

There was media there. Lots of photos and video being snapped. This day, however, saw me looking not my best...It was a late night before, and there was some alcohol involved, and I didn't really change my clothes. So unlike my usually completely overdressed self {see La Dolce Vita}, I was like the least dressed up chickie there. Argh. Oh well. Someone said it would give the fans a chance to see me looking real. Yeah, that's it.

The session was for an anti-war song written by T Max or something. He's pumped about ending the WAR IN IRAQ and got motivated to speak out, so he enlisted a lot of Boston's well-known media darlings/singers/personalities.

Ended up hanging out with Mick Mondo {so polite!} and JPo a lot during the sesh. Saw Ayal and Maria from 27, too. They were sympathetic to my Mom and all...

Spent all day there. Like JPo said, I hate to go out in the Nor'Easter.

The rain boots I got on St.Mark's are working out super!!!

***Special note***
This time of year I tend towards being receptive...I find myself really listening to and hearing things/people around me. I can feel words and ideas getting into my brain and gestating. Little bits that grow into songs. Please, sweet muse, let them flow.

I had this blissful feeling on Friday night. A week ago I heard Neil Young {did I mention this already?} in 1369 coffee haus. Easter morning, feeling melancholy. Then "Don't Let It Bring You Down" came on. It comforted me. It haunted me for a week until Friday I finally looked it up online. I had SO MUCH FUN just playing my guitar in my room. I played around with that song and "Damaged" by Primal Scream. They use a lot of the same chords. I think I'm in love with Em7.

Fast forward to last night. I was getting dressed after a shower and I turned on the radio. The DJ put on "Cowgirl in the Sand" Live from Massey Hall 1971. I need to get this album. I own no Neil Young and this man's voice is speaking to me right now. I need to hear some more Americana.

Feeling mixed feelings about going to Türkiye soon. I will miss my life here so much. But I am looking forward to swimming in the Mediterranean. The salt. And going to some of my favorite Turkish restaurants.

Monday: My birthday. Had some friends over. Frank busted his ass and helped me buy and prepare everything. I was stressed out, trying to be a good hostess. I think I was 'cause I didn't really get to socialize until the end. People got fed; there was a yummy spread. Two cakes.

People brought nice gifts and champagne etc.

It was a success!

Ended up at the Model Cafe at the very end with Frank and Tony. And that was perfect. Some drunken tears made an appearance but it was all OK in the end. Jeff Lipton was there and it was so nice to see him! Someone at the bar {I think it was a TQ drummer of yore} gave me some small green sprig and said "smell this". It was oregano. I felt like I was in a movie. Truly. A Lynch movie. The Model=The Roadhouse

So many intriguing characters...I wore my full-length black velvet with red faux fur trim like it was no matter. I realized I like the Model so much 'cause of its slow Texas vibe and I feel like I can be whoever I want there, including myself. I love showing up there late at night all dressed up.

Currently listening :
Dirty Hits
By Primal Scream
Release date: By 06 November, 2003

It's New It's Now It's You

2007-04-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

Current mood: calm
Category: Life

Very happy to see a full page article on Nico in this week's Phoenix...

Stopped by the Busch-Reisinger yesterday to see the Fluxus/Beuys show. Got there too close to closing to properly take it all in, but I plan on going back a few times...it's right across from where I work so I can get over there frequently.

I saw some Beuys Multiples, a piece called SmileBox by Yoko Ono, and some Maciunas. The funniest thing was two pairs of underpants - white granny-briefs. One was called "Male Underpants" and featured a picture of male genitals painted over the crotch, and the other was "Female Underpants" and looked more familiar...

It's like DaDa or something.

Apparently Beuys didn't like Marcel Duchamp much.
___

Picked up the REsearch version of 'The Atrocity Exhibition' today. Looks cool, and very sexual. I had previously not known that the movie Crash by Cronenberg was inspired by Ballard, as have many other movies...

And Tony's copy of Stroszek arrived so we'll be watching it soon. The movie came out the year I was born, and my BDay is Monday. Cake cake cake!!! A real excuse to eat birthday cake!

Nico + Joy Division = my current inspiration

It's spring and I must begin writing more and more.
______

Happily busy with work:
My contractual obligations for the soundtrack are fulfilled and it feels good. There may be additional work, too.

Doing a recording session at Mark Sandman's studio this weekend for an anti-war thing. Good cause and I've been wanting to check out the vibe there.

Going back to NYC next weekend to do some vox for a friend's album. Sirens of the Apocalypse is the song and album...

Got a big show Saturday Nite, too, and I think a lot of friends will come 'round for it.

Happy as a clam I am~

Currently reading :
Musashi: An Epic Novel of the Samurai Era
By Eiji Yoshikawa
Release date: By 14 July, 1997

Magnetic Fields & other tidbits

2007-04-06T06:58:00.001-07:00

Current mood: thirsty
Category: Music

Black Fortress of Opium did a cover of Magnetic Fields' 'Born on a Train', and it's newly up on our myspace page if ya wanna hear. http://myspace.com/blackfortressofopium

We did it for a soundtrack for an indie film to be released later this year...

Also, my ex-boss sent me a cool link with lots of pretty fashion pix of Nico. See here:
http://smironne.free.fr/NICO/mode.html

Last night, I was zoning out after a long day, and I was trying to find out about one of my fave astrologers ~ Rockie Gardiner, who does forecasts for LA Weekly. Somehow, I found a link that said she once went out with Jim Morrison, and that he wrote the song 'LA Woman' about her and she had the original manuscript that showed his written dedication. Cool huh? It seems all roads lead back to The Doors.

Rockie's great, and you can see your future at http://rockiehoroscope.com.

Anarchism in the USA

2007-04-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

Current mood: annoyed
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Went to check out my old pal Nick Cooper's film about anarchy the other night.

The film, entitled "Soma", is about anarchism, Wilhelm Reich, somatherapy, and capoeira.

It had footage with an old man named Robert Friere, who started somatherapy.

There was a Q'n'A after the 50-minute film. One attendee, an American woman in her 50s, noted that the people in the film who advocated somatherapy, along with the capoeira component, were homogenous-looking - young, slender, etc. I think she felt left out...I don't blame her. I wonder what people do when they get older...where do they disappear to?

Anyway, for me the film was thought-provoking. It mentioned a tie between fascism and hierarchical societies, i.e. how schools and the workplace train you to take a lot of orders. The film pointed out how a study was done on the sex life of the German worker and it was horrible. Nazi society promoted work and obedience, not pleasure. However, you cannot motivate a worker to work harder when there is no pleasure in their life. And it pointed out the benefits of psychoanalysis to capitalism. Focusing inward on the individual's problems instead of the problems with the system, a.k.a. society. Fascinating, all this...

Tying into this is an article in the most recent VenusZine, in which Yoko Ono is interviewed. She talks about how there are two parties of people - war party and peace party. She noted the war party has it together; they understand each other without speaking. They just go and bomb. However, the peace party is not coordinated, is not as one with itself. And in the documentary, I think there was some talk of how political activists are not close with each other. They don't build relationships with each other. This is what I experienced when I was more politically active. It's like "I'm going to this rally where I have a direct relationship with the speaker. A uni-directional relationship. I listen to them speak and then I leave, untouched by anyone else." It should be more of an outward relationship/experience for it to stick. People have to feel more invested with each other. Or perhaps I am just projecting because I sense a tremendous amount of isolation around me. I do not feel alone per se, but I sense isolations around me. Friends are all here and around, though. Sarah and Juliet dropped by the other night and brought me heavenly brisket and chocolate mousse pie from Seder. We had a lovely sohbet by a lavendar candle while a Spanish harpsichord CD played in the background. And Dorian returned from India. We had our first coffee date yesterday. She brought me a lovely silk scarf. I can't wait to check out her harmonium. Says she's gonna lead bhajans with it soon.

My piano/harpsichord teacher is ill again. This time it's uterine cancer. She says it's very contained and she'd having a laparascopic hysterectomy in a few weeks. She's tough.

Tony and I watched a documentary on Joy Division. They use a lot of footage from 24 Hour Party People - a film I thoroughly enjoyed. Except, the folks interviewed for real all seem to hate Tony Wilson.

Tidbits:
Before he committed suicide, Ian Curtis apparently watched Stroszek by Werner Herzog, and listened to The Idiot by Iggy Pop.

Iggy's playing here in Boston on Saturday, but I'm not going...I think I might check out Xiu Xiu and Shearwater instead. I saw Iggy for free in Austin at SXSW about 10 years ago, and I don't particularly feel the need to pay $70 (cheap according to my landlord!) to see him now in 2007. Though I do wanna hear the new album The Weirdness 'cause I am just so curious about what it sounds like when he and The Stooges collaborate with Steve Albini...

Ian Curtis was influenced by JG Ballard, and I've never read any so I ordered The Atrocity Exhibition from my fave bookstore.

In the Ether-cool tidebits

2007-03-31T11:40:00.001-07:00

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life

Springy day. Walked around Cambridge shopping, drinking a mochafreddo, and talking on my cell phone.

Thinking of doing a combined Easter/Bday celebration next week...

Frank suggested a leg of lamb. And I say bring on the egg hunt! Horns, hounds, and foxes! Ring in!!

NYC Part Deux:

After the sessions, we chilled. Bought some gr8 shoes on St.Mark's Place at Trash and Vaudeville. Ate a lemon sqaure and tasty cappuccino crunch gelato at Sugar.

We went to CvBspace to see the Warhol tribute show. Saw real pix of Andy as taken by Billy Name. Saw some funky stuff, like video of Candy Darling, who was the most convincing drag queen I've ever seen, even though the trannies at Jacque's are pretty dang convincing.

It is forseeable that I could meet Christian Aaron Paffgen after all.

We stayed Wednesday night with Cynthia at Fort Hill Castle. Staten Island is very pretty. So many sprawling parks. And the weather was to die for, which admittedly colors my perception of everything, even today.

Anyway, the new castle is very cool. More Spanish than Victorian. I like both. Beautiful colors and detail. We stayed in a tower, in a circular room. Tony said it was like waking up in heaven in there...You can see pix of the place in this week's TimeOutNYC. http://www.timeoutny.com/newyork/Details.do?page=1&xyurl=xyl://TONYWebArticles1/600/house_home/house_call_animal_kingdom.xml

Cynthia made it very romantic for us. She gave me a candy bra, hee hee. And chocolate mice:)

Cynthia now has a dog ~ Poodley ~ in addition to the many cats and doves. Poodley is like a live stuffed animal, and is smaller than all of the cats. Her little Happy Dance is *the* cutest thing ever. Animals! It was good to hear the doves gently cooing again. I missed their nighttime lullaby when we lived on Ashford St.

Had my MRI for the prolactinoma last night, and my forearm is sore from the contrast injection. It was a very nice crew - IV nurse/technician, etc.

Hung out with Dan and Carrie last night. Dan gave me a bag of Lapsang Souchong. Now my purse smells like woodsmoke, which is OK. Carrie took some pix with her cool camera. We talked about music, i.e. the JAMC reunion/Coachella. I read some interesting passages from Saudi Aramco World, which is really cool for any Middle Eastern enthusiasts out there. The passages were from articles about folkloric music and Arabic-English etymology. One of the articles provided a good way to describe instruments to people unfamiliar to them:

Ud ~ unfretted lute
Kanun ~ lap-plucked zither
Nay - reed flute

It puts the lotion on the back.

Currently listening :
Silence Is Sexy
By Einsturzende Neubauten
Release date: By 03 April, 2000

NYC in Spring

2007-03-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Current mood: tired
Category: Travel and Places

In NYC, staying on the Lower East Side.

Listening to my new Primal Scream Dirty Hits discs...freshly purchased from Other Music.

Later now:

Just returned from walking around the city all day. Tired.

Hung out with Cynthia tonight. Saw the space and the Warhol show. With art by real genuine stars of the factory. Damian met up with us too for a drink, and told us about the Orange Revolution in Ukraine, about which he made a film.

We walked all over this town back and forth and back again...

SoHo, NoHo, Little Italy (where I had the *most* amazing croissant I have ever had in my life, and a lovely iced hazelnut capuccino, which Tony Claims is very un-Italian, but I loved nonetheless). Greenwich Village, Lower East side (where we're staying)...

At lunch, I went in to use the restroom, at the restaurant, and someone had dropped some cocaine by the sink...

Earlier, we were looking a little street market by Other Music, and there was a little shop/stall where a very friendly Peruvian dude asked me if I was "Gothic", or rather, "Got-ik". That was the funniest thing, and it made me smile all day. Tony bought me some cool religious bracelets there, with saints and Virgins etc.

Checked out the Taschen store in SoHo. Love them!

The weather could not have been more perfect. We sat in Washington Square Park for a while enjoying it.

The 2 days of tracking vocals for the album went well. Now that we're in vocals phase Martin is producing much more - making great suggestions.

Last night, we went to see a friend of Tony's play jazz in Greenwich Village. The ensemble was called Sveti. His friend Marko is an awesome drummer. The kind of musician who melds with the instrument to where it becomes part of their body. Anyway, beforehand we met up with Bliss at a Turkish restaurant in Park Slope - same one we had visited back in September with her brother. It's called Zilli, and they used zaatar, which I didn't previously think was used in Turkish food, but...

On the way to the gig, we were just walking down the street and who do I see walking towards us, but Nick Cooper. Hadn't seen him in like 9 years or so. Anyway, he was a sport and came along with us to the Village Ma to see Marko. Nick told me he had just made a film about Anarchist Group Therapy in Sao Paolo, and lo'and behold, he's showing it in Boston on Monday at Harvard. Nick does art too, and he gave all of us photocopies of his paintings. The one I chose has a man with a whip and a very sad looking elephant with big eyes.

There are lots of nice people everywhere - even the sushi chef at dinner smiled and bowed very politely...he looked like Musashi...

Capuccino crunch gelato for dessert at a little cafe called Sugar. Very Ajda. MMmm. Slave to sugar.

My birthday is coming and all I want is fancy cakes with my name on them!!! I will resurrect the myspace pic with last year's cake very soon.

It's Only Springtime

2007-03-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

Business first 'cause I'm that kind of lady~

I have updated my website a bit with musical news, etc.

Highlights include:
-Spiritualized cover
-Interview on Gothtronic
-Soundtrack News
-Upcoming gigs with Black Fortress of Opium

http://ajdatheturkishqueen.com to get the full scoop!

Meanwhile, back to NYC this weekend to do vox for THE RECORD. The roughs are sounding great with my little mando nice and up front!
____________________________________

Personal Stuff~

Spring is here, but there is still much snow on the ground. But I can feel the changing season in my skin.

The world continues to turn.

Special little springtime treats abound. Scott Roi's mom sent me a bag of Cadbury Mini-Eggs in the mail along with a lovely card. So nice of her to remember the time a few years ago when we visited her and she gave us some, which got us through our first recording session. Chocolate nourishment. WARNING: This candy is highly-addictive and can be habit-forming! I think they put heroin in it or something...

Soon everyone will be wearing sandals and espadrilles...tank tops and shorts and the living will be light and easy. And dining al fresco.

Looking forward to going to NYC next week. I have 2 days of grueling vocal recording to do, but after that I get to chill with my main man for a day and a half or so. We hope to catch up with friends, see some art, and have some fun in the City.

I also usually look forward to making it out west this time of year, but things with Turkish affairs are too unsettled, so I'll have to catch up with West coast buddies a little later in the year.

Checked out Josh Hager's new studio last night. Is very cool - like a cross between an ice bar and a spaceship. The vibe/lighting make me wanna record and get creative all night. I modeled the ultracool Garvy J deployment jacket, and pix may be online soon...

The band did a cover of Magnetic Fields's Born on a Train for the soundtrack I've been working on, and Joel made literally 20 mixes. Must...sort...through...I hope to be able to post online, but due to legal issues, not sure if I will be able to...

Ides of March Blog

2007-03-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Ides of March Blog
Current mood: content
Category: Life

Beware the Ides of March are upon us!!!!!

No but really, I'm feeling quite up right now.

Yes, there has been much silence on this space...I admit, it's true.

I like to blog when I'm feeling positive, so I have held off. Many ups and downs have rolled by on my coaster, but today I feel pretty happy.

I have inherited Tony's laugh. It's so jolly and jovial. It feels good to laugh like this. It starts in my belly, or soul, then works its way up into a smile.

We watched Harold & Maude and Scarface recently. Thumbs up on both. Ah, the 70s.

Actually I find something depressing about 70s era things. 80s too.

We went to the Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum on Tuesday. 'Twas so nice. I could easily imagine living like that;)

I love speaking in chordish with my boyfriend...he's more fluent in jazz, though! I only speak it conversationally...

Things are moving along with the band nicely. We recorded a Magnetic Fields song for a soundtrack. I also recently completed recording and mixing of the film's main theme. I think I may put some of the tracks on my solo myspace page ~ http://myspace.com/ajdathetq. It's piano music. Danny Gold of Polystar fame produced and mixed it. He is awesome and helpful.

More offers for collaboration, from friends that had been out of touch for awhile. Brian Carpenter called to offer me condolences and chat about music. We had a lovely conversation about composing, and recording with Martin, etc.

The band got asked to play at the Abbey on April 14th and I canna wait. We're gonna do a supercooltopsecret cover that'll rock everyone's pants off.

Had a guitar lesson last night. I was disappointed in myself. I had really been practicing a lot before my mom died - remembering inversions and playing assignments, but now I'm out of practice and frankly it's a miracle I haven't just slept the past few days. Dealing with her affairs + mourning = Koyaanisqatsi. It has so fucked up my life. Time to get real about a lotta shit.

After Daylight Savings Time went into effect Sunday, I felt more energy. I rode my trusty bike around town Monday. The day felt long and full of possiibility. The additional light and warmer weather led to an intense feeling of release of tension in my mind and body. But I'm like a spring, you see, and it doesn't take much for me to tighten again. Coil. Recoil.

It's harder on sunny days. Yesterday my dad sent me a lot of documents - their marriage certificate, her passports, naturalization certificate, on and on. I lay there on my bed looking at all of it - dozens of sheets of paper, mostly in Turkish. And the late afternoon light streamed in, outlining the lack. It's harder on sunny days because that's when you can feel the potential for happiness, and the loss and the absence that much more apparent. Rainy days like today don't bother me at all that way.

Anyway, seeing the marriage certificate was a crushing reminder that for my father, through no choice of his own, his marriage was ended. Death did them part, just like the vow says. And knowing the value I place on romantic love ~ well, it's devastating. It's gotta be.

You know, people used to tell me I looked like my mom, and I didn't think so so much. But seeing some of her ID pix from like 20 years ago, it was like looking in a mirror. Haunting. What will become of me? It is a comfort that she looked genuinely happy in all of the pictures.

I survive and carry on. Another day to live, love and make song.

Currently reading :
The Victim (Penguin Classics)
By Saul Bellow
Release date: By 01 March, 1996

My Life This Week...

2007-02-18T11:02:00.001-08:00

Current mood: chipper

Warhol is everywhere. Last week Tony and I went to see Factory Girl. Sienna Miller was great and all, but this movie IN NO WAY can compare to the gratification of reading about the actual people involved. Not to mention how fabulous they looked in real life...Gerard...etc.

And then I get a bulletin from Cynthia about the newest show at her gallery in NYC - a Warhol tribute marking the anniversary of his death, with readings/art by folks who were *there* like Taylor Mead, etc.

"In the twenty-year anniversary of Warhol's death, The Carrozzini von Buhler Gallery presents Andy Warhol: In His Wake, a group exhibition of works by four well-known celebrity artists from Warhol's Factory: Ultra Violet, Taylor Meade, Billy Name, and Ivy Nicholson. Also featured will be Anton Perich, William John Kennedy, and Steve Joester, three artists who documented Warhol, as well as seven artists who have been influenced by him including: Cynthia von Buhler, Amy Cohen Banker, Pamela Martin, William Tisdale, Molly Weingart, and Gary Azon. Andy Warhol: In His Wake will feature paintings, sculptures, projections, and photography by exhibiting artists."

Unfortunately I can't make the reception...but I hope to catch the show before it closes (3/14).

A highlight of the week was a lovely concert I attended Friday night at the Isabella Gardner Museum. It was a programme of Conlon Nancarrow (American, 1912-1997), mainly, though there was one piece by Ciconia. That piece was put on the program to point out the similarity in ratios used between the 2 composers, etc. The Tapestry Room, in which the concert was held was so wonderful. I felt right at home, as it reminded me of the vibe of Castle von Buhler the Former. Red tapestries, Moorish arches, medieval paintings, low gentle light, dark wood panels. Working for the Countess was a very important experience in my life...

Anyway, it was a treat to hear unamplified music. It's been awhile...not so much my province as of late.

Another pleasant treat was the bouquet I received on Wednesday. Twelve blood red velvet roses, in a black vase, adorned with feathery plumage. Most exotic, and evocative of a bleeding heart...replete with a most romantic note...

I've got an appearance this week ~ sitting in on vox with Garvy J at Ralph's in Worcester. Mmm. Diner food!! Anyway, I love this band. Check 'em out at http://myspace.com/garvyj.

I realize I am forever obsessed with Epicurean interests, and some of you may find it laughable, but it makes me happy. Yesterday, I happened upon a lovely little wine tasting in Marty's...I tried 2 reds from the Calabria region in Italy. Very nice.

Busy week ahead. Rehearsals, preparing for the next batch of recording with Martin, show, session with Danny Gold for Alice's film, possibly the Rev. Glasseye finale show, then to NYC to record.

Looking forward to going to Rome next month. Finished the Da Vinci book. Now on to Musashi!

Currently listening :
Riot City Blues
By Primal Scream
Release date: By 22 August, 2006

BIG RECORDING & MORE

2007-02-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life

OK, so I started blogging on the Black Fortress of Opium page about the recording sessions this past weekend in NYC, with Martin Bisi.

http://myspace.com/blackfortressofopium

Pix by Tony coming soon, too:)

But this is more of a personal page, so I won't just repeat the same info.

Overall, it went so well, and our record might just be done by my birthday...that makes me quite happy.

There is a rough screening of the film I've been doing music for this weekend; I'm looking forward to seeing it.

New York was fun. I didn't make it into Manhattan this time; just Brooklyn. But Park Slope was good enough...I mean, I was essentially working my ass off. Play time comes later. The last night we were in NYC, Tony and Martin and I went to Union Hall and hung out. We ate killer chili, and cookies!

The band is sounding scary good.

~~~~~
Went to the doctor yesterday. Was supposed to have a pap, but couldn't because of the moonblood. Fine by me. Had plenty to tell Dr. Mankey anyway.

Before my appointment, I felt my mood turning somewhere ugly. Only when I set foot in the hospital and my knees felt wobbly did I realize why. Anxiety. Mega-dose.

I was very traumatized from the week I spent not that long ago visiting my mom in the hospital in Houston before she died. I hadn't had cause to go to the hospital here since then. And I guess being in the same environment affected me. Oh my God. As soon as I got in there, I went to get some food. I sat down ALONE. Feeling completely ALONE. So fucking sad. I was SO LOW. I started thinking about the other people there. It was packed. I wondered if they were in the same position as I had been only a month ago - watching someone they love die a horrible death.

Death death all around.

Christ. This Friday the band is doing a benefit for Scott Dakota's brother, Jon Erik, whom I don't think I ever met. He suffered a grand mal seizure and passed away. For the first time in my life, I can say I know what Scott's going through...

It felt funny sending out an email for the show about this person (essentially a stranger to me), when I haven't publicly enough acknowledged my own mother's death.

So I told my doc about what happened and she was very nice and understanding. She asked how I'm holding up. {We didn't discuss any medical conditions at all} Funny, I don't hear that question from anyone anymore. I guess everyone thinks I'm fine because I'm still working and doing shows, etc. My father said I'm a private person and now I see why. My mom always said I was too independent and now I see why.

I lock others out. I build walls no one can penetrate. I isolate myself and it hurts.

The doctor suggested seeing a therapist to help deal with my mom's death. Dad said mom's friends have given him pamphlets on support groups. He's unsure...

I told the doctor I have a hard time reaching out. I don't wanna be a burden or owe anyone. She said but that's what humanizes me...I had to ask her how to reach out because I don't know. I'm tentative. I felt so ashamed and humiliated that I don't know how to reach out. Admitting it...I think that brought back memories of seeing a therapist a few years back, and discoveries I made about myself during the session.

Perhaps I will see someone. I just hope it can help me learn how to let the people I love in, because I desperately want to. I need them more than they have any idea. And I know they wanna be there for me. And while they are there...

This blog helps me so much.

There is so much sadness inside me, my heart feels dirty. I swear I can feel stuff swirling around in there...sludge of sadness and emptiness and despair.

Time is speeding along. It's already been a month since she died. Will someone please stop the goddam clock so I have time to cry out every last tear my body can produce? I feel like I can't get it all out. I'm even drinking detox tea today...

I'm not looking forward to how much this is gonna hurt for the rest of my life.

And I've realized some of my newest songs predicted these feelings about my mom {as happened before TQ/Scott became less in my life, with Model Cafe} . Lyrics like "Bury me in my own tears" from one song.

Here's another I wrote over one year ago:

I can feel a flood coming on
I can sense a breakdown
I am too filled up, flowing over
I am too filled up, full

No cup can contain this system
Toxic
Filling up with poison
No cup can contain this system
Toxic
Filling up with, welling up with poison

That is like the sum of my tears and the poison that killed my mom. Her own system backing up.

Buzz and Goo

2007-02-01T09:16:00.000-08:00

Reading of events surrounding Valentine's Day.

Those with a dearly beloved wanna celebrate and those without wanna bitch gripe and wallow. Or just ignore it all.

But there are pictures of gooey filled chocolate hearts arriving in my mailbox making me wanna devour them. Things so pretty, how dare I eat them or even contemplate such a crime. And then what to do with the box afterwards. Last year I held onto the box I got for awhile. 'Til it collected dust and the relationship fell apart multiple times.

~~~

I am abuzz with thoughts and heart and belly fire today. Can barely type this without mistakes my mind is speeding so rapidly. No caffeine yet, even.

Psyched on this weekend. To begin my masterpiece.

I hope to see some friends while there, including my dear Cynthia, whom I have not seen in so long. I hope to relax in the City the day after the sessions.

I fucking deserve and need it after everything.

Tom came into work today. Hadn't seen him since before Mom died. We corresponded only minimally in the months leading up to it. He looked at me and said he couldn't believe what had happened, that it was so sad. I immmediately hugged him. I looked at him, and he knew I was about to cry, and said "Now don't". In a fatherly tone. But I couldn't help it. I teared up and hugged him again.

Something about seeing a familiar face of someone who knows you so well and knows the pain you feel despite the front everyone else sees...it just made me react. Felt safe.

I felt mildly comforted, but this was the workplace. A few others who were standing around noticed that something in the air had changed. They got quiet. Respectfully quiet. Except for the one girl I work with who has never acknowledged to me that she knows my mom died. She's not said anything to me, like I'm sorry...or done anything even remotely civil in such a situation...

I hate the awkwardness this makes me feel.

I need comforting. Still. Now. Yes. More than ever. For you see, it's slowly sinking in that she's really gone and not sending me any more clothes, cooking Thanksgiving dinners, buying me birthday cakes with my name on them, or loving me in the flesh.

Yeah yeah you say, but she's with you more than ever...well it's not the same so don't lie to me.

Then there's the issue of my heritage. Christ, Allah, Buddha. I'm not even to the age yet where I naturally wanna dig up my roots. I accept that it is now up to me to maintain my heritage and not lose it in the mainstream of America. An infant nation with little history. A spec of sand in time that fancies itself something great - all-knowing and seeing. Pompous.

It's hard because I foolishly have not cultivated any Turkish acquaintances here in Boston. 10 years later. All the Turks I know and trust are in Houston or Türkiye. Two half worlds away in opposing directions.

Still, love inspires me. And art. Reading about Da Vinci from a treasured source. He inspires me. With his beautiful hands...and Italian body. He is like a fine painting himself. And an artiste.

When I was in college, I was in love with the image of Anima Sola - the girl in a nightgown enaptured in flames. It adorns a Leonard Cohen album back cover...I feel my flames (Double Aries) rising up and swirling within.

The Golden Egg

2007-01-30T19:43:00.001-08:00

Current mood: calm
Category: Life

Warm optimism.

I feel somewhat accomplished lately and am feeling calm now as a result.

I stumbled a bit today, though. I recovered, and made a save.

Ended up practicing at home instead of at the noisy space, and was reminded of how pleasant it can be.

COSY.

From yesterday:
Some neighbor I know through a housemate commented on how he heard my band on the radio when he was in jail. I dunno who's been leaking our traxx, but I was flattered and amused.

I was approached twice in the same day for collaborations. The optimist in me was psyched, though people naturally ask if I'll be getting paid, etc.

Back to today:
I just typed up my first batch of lyrics for 2007. My new song was directly inspired by the following things: love & devotion, COIL, Syd Barrett, and the bright sunlight filtering into my room...streaking in and speaking to me. And today, Tony and I started working on a song together.

I was playing my old mandolin tonight (home instrument), and though it's been criticized by my peers, I prefer the way it rings out. Something more magical about it. It's kinda homemade. Not shiny and new like the Fender I bought a few months back, but it's definitely more magical.

As I was playing it, and feeling folky, it occurred to me, "With my secret mando-lute, I will lay a thousand golden eggs..."

Currently listening :
And The Ambulance Died In His Arms
By Coil
Release date: By 27 November, 2006

Roughy and Bumpy Road

2007-01-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Current mood: blank
Category: Life

Quiet snowy gray New England Day.

I was feeling very selfish the past two days, then yesterday I read a horoscope that said, "Beware your motto does not become 'What's in it for me?"

Then I decided to check myself, so I tried to give it all who demanded attention of me. And have patience and give love.

I'm excited to be going to NYC next weekend to record with Bisi. He's so nice!

And I canna wait to get into the city. Had fun there the past 2 times.

It's warm to me in a way Boston kind of is not. Oh, and being there around/before Valentine's Day is the best. Lots of red in the store windows, and so many cupcakes!!!!!! Dying to be eaten...icing icing...

Went to the rehearsal space by meself last night. It was a treasure. Just me and my instruments. Hadn't gone enough in the past few weeks due to upset and trying to shake an infernal cold which seems mostly dissipated.

In this most difficult time in my life, I realize how many people care about me. I mean truly care, like not letting me eat carbs, making me eat seafood, and giving me bottled water, and lockets, etc. I feel thankful and grateful, and it helps take the edge off when I get lonely or sad.

It sounds cliche, I know, but love can heal all. Sometimes we wanna be angry and hateful, because it can feel so good to sink into negativity, but it's a trap. And for me, I only regret it and beat myself up for it later.

Spring is coming, and that's when I tend to write my best stuff. I can kind of feel the inspirations percolating within. Chaos helps! But so does stillness. It seems I live in a world of extremes.

Watched Nanook of the North finally...very charming and inspiring - both the Eskimo way of life and the effort of the filmmaker to capture their tale.

Been listening to a CD of Rosicrucian music composed by Erik Satie. Nice. The piano sounds wonderful.

I picked up the CD in NYC back in September. Some of the experiences I had while on that trip left me feeling very alive and free. I remember coming home and waking up in the morning and nakedly playing my guitar - my classical, and singing in a high voice. I felt like a siren. God I wish I could feel that free more often. Like everything I did was full of beauty.

Currently listening :
Let's Get Out of This Country
By Camera Obscura
Release date: By 06 June, 2006

Mother post II

2007-01-12T13:15:00.000-08:00

Current mood: ill
Category: Life

Fuck. Having a much harder time today.

Listening to a Turkish CD of all woman singers from Istanbul early 1900s, given to me by Leah Callahan.

My mom never liked Turkish classical or folk music, 'cause she thought it sounded too mournful, which it does. But I like that sort of thing and really need it right now.

Without my mother to guide me through my heritage, I am clutching tightly to anything that reminds me of it - listening to the music and wearing my cartouche. Desperately.

Getting dangerously low on tissues.

I am sick again, to boot.

But I am still feeling so strong despite the pain. My mother didn't cry one tear when she was on her deathbed. She showed no fear.

I've been urgently compiling contact info for my Turkish relatives with success, I am happy to report. I have a newfound desire to reach out to them and make myself known.

We had a memorial service on Tuesday in Houston. People came from far and wide. Over 130+ people came. Many Turks, tennis and garden club friends.

Sadly, I was the only blood relative there. Türkiye is just too far, and her one uncle (and his American wife) in NYC could not make it for various reasons.

But I represented.

My father eulogized my mom nicely, and during so, he mentioned that I reminded him of her that day, and how she looked when they married.

I wore my big black frilly Sunday church hat, a black lace outfit that my mom had given me, and black heels. Apropos for mourning, and the hat hid my eyes pretty well during the service.

Before I came back to Boston, we went through some of her clothes, shoes, purses, and pounds upon pounds of cosmetics. The only thing I really wanted was her wedding dress. In a box with some dainty little hats she once wore, there were two little branches with fake flowers and pearls - props from her wedding ceremony according to my dad. These are things I would naturally incorporate in my own wedding if one day I am a bride.

I've also been clutching my mala. Tony's mom gave it to me. It has really helped me more than simple text on this page can express.

Throughout all this, I have met new people who have helped me and taught me things. I realized with all the preparations for the service and repast afterwards just how much help it takes to get such things done. I've always had a hard time asking for help...luckily my dad was offered a lot and knew he had to accept it in order for us all to honor my mother.

Two of his sisters, one cousin, and her baby all came to Houston. They comforted, helped, and supported my dad, and I was so thankful because I could not have done much without them.

One funny Southern note:
The day of the service, we arrived early at the VA chapel, by one hour. So to kill some time, the kind folks who drove us took us all to a real down-home seafood place where we got bacon-wrapped shrimp and sat oustide in the sun.

The entrance to the cemetery where the chapel had a stone sign that read "Lest Ye Forget".

Belma Snyder RIP

2007-01-03T08:32:00.000-08:00

My mother, Belma Arslantas Snyder, passed away on New Year's Eve ~ 2006, in the morning.

She was 57, and her birthday was on Christmas Day. I am her only child. She leaves behind my father and me. Her mother, brother, and father all dead. Her mother, who lived in Türkiye her whole life, passed only 4 years ago, at the age of 75. It's still a little nebulous as to how she died, because we weren't there - but it seems like heart/respiratory failure.

I arrived in Houston, where she and my dad share a house and have lived for 30 years, on Christmas Day. My dad and I went to the hospital that evening to see her and try to trade presents. That wasn't very successful. She didn't really care much about her birthday or Christmas this year.

She was in the ICU at Southwest Memorial Hermann hospital. She was admitted to the hospital on December 1st, diagnosed with Stage IV Sarcomatoid Renal Carcinoma on about December 7th, and dead on December 31st. The reason she was initially admitted, to another hospital, just after Thanksgiving, was a fractured hip that broke while I was home for Thanksgiving. We thought it was nothing.

You see, my mom didn't really have any significant symptoms - no fatigue, significant weight loss, no chronic pain, etc.

Anyway, when they tested her for the hip problem they started finding one thing after another - blood clots in both legs and one arm, fluid in and around her lungs, a malignant tumor in her kidney, and more.

The type of cancer she had was rare, and thus underresearched compared to others, it seems. Only 5% of cancers...

The first night when I arrived, we spoke with a nephrologist who indicated her kidneys & bladder were in bad shape, but he said the conditions were reversible. After that day, however, we heard no more positive indications from any of the countless doctors/specialists. My head was spinning - talking with so many diff. people - doctors/nurses/social workers/concerned friends, etc.

All week, my father and I watched her wither away as her kidneys began to shut down and her lungs filled up making her gasp for air. Her belly swelled.

We watched her go from fighting and struggling to indifferent. She was mentally aware throughout it all. She would not sleep or rest when we were there, and the nurses told us she wouldn't sleep at night either.

I tried to dress pretty for her, and wear things she had given me to cheer her up. I also wore a crescent moon & star ring, and made sure a card with those symbols was in her room. These symbols are supposed to comfort Muslims.

By mid-week, she was no longer allowed to eat anything - only ice chips and water. Inside, she was on fire. She could not drink enough cold water to cool off. She desperately wanted Glucerna, pudding, chocolate, and oranges.

Late in the week, some staff came to us recommending hospice care. I had not previously been familiarized with the concept, but basically it's when you shift the focus from trying to fix what's wrong to keeping someone comfortable. {Comfortable...passing...I hate euphemisms.}

No one wanted her to suffer, but she didn't want to do hospice, she wanted to keep fighting. Later in the week, her doctor came to us and said we were buying time, but for what? They literally could not treat any of her problems because the others were compounding. It was a Catch-22. We re-approached my mom about hospice and told her she could eat and drink whatever she wanted there. I wanted her to taste food and see out a window before she died, all of which she could do in hospice. She began to warm up to the concept, and finally agreed that she wanted to do it. By the end she was begging to leave ICU and go back upstairs to the Cancer Ward she had previously been in so she could start in-patient hospice care.

We had people speak with her about how hospice worked. We also called an Imam - Muslim priest - twice during this ordeal. I am glad she was awake and alert enough to be mentally present when the 2 Imams came to pray with and for her. I wanted to hear these prayers too. I wanted her to have some peace, and I thought the Imam might comfort her. Though she was not devout, she was born a Muslim, and grew up in a Muslim country. She had in recent years spoken of making a pilgrimage to Mecca - something every Muslim is supposed to do at least once in life.

Friends came by to visit her, and called the house. 20 people came by her hospital room on Saturday alone (the day before she passed). She was so well-loved by many groups of friends. Unfortunately, she only has one relative in the US, an uncle, and we can't get ahold of him to inform him, and to let him know about the memorial service. If he is not there, she will have no blood relatives save me, present...

Some of her cousins called in the middle of the night - at about 4 or 5AM the night she died. Türkiye is 8 hours ahead of Houston...They only recently heard she was even sick. And they were shocked and horrified when I, half asleep, told them in broken Turkish she had died.

It all happened so fast. Last week was a blur. I barely saw the sun. Every day at the hospital all day, and then home to answer calls and collapse from exhaustion.

You see me blog about my love for the South. Well, it comforted me again in this situation. There were two figures, one man and one woman (both of whom worked for the Odyssey House Hospice), whose Southern manner comforted me deeply. A slow, calm, patient, and hospitable way about them I shall never forget. Even walking around the hospital, everyone says hi and hello, and is just friendly. Living in New England for 10 years now, forget what a difference these things make, but oh God, do they.

Also, the Turks came out in full force. I got to meet new people - friends of my mom, and their friends.

My parents know lots of people who work in oil and/or in the Middle East. I feel such a kinship with these Middle Easterners. It is my blood rising up and communing with them.

Funny and stereotypical I suppose to be in Texas dealing with folks in oil, and the Middle Eastern thing is so current...

Someone dear to me recommended abstaining from media in order to clear my head, and I did, to the best of my ability. But I still managed to hear about the passing of Ahmet Ertegün, James Brown, Gerald Ford, and Saddam Hussein. I did not listen to music - the thing I love most in this world and my reason for carrying on - for about 4 days+. I didn't feel I deserved to. I love it too much and it makes me too happy. I wouldn't allow anything to comfort me. I broke the silence only yesterday, for I was back in Boston and wanting to get on with life. I mean, I barely even allowed myself to hum any little tunes, which I do alot. I censored myself. That is definitely one way of mourning for me. No music. Only silence to hear the void and feel it descend upon me.

I fasted until sunset on the day my mother died - out of respect. This is common for Muslims, and though I am agnostic, I still feel a connection to the world of Islam, and acknowledge its role in my heritage. At sunset, after talking on the phone with folks and visiting with the ones who stopped by, I realized, My God, this is the last day I'm here, and I haven't really seen a sunset (so beautiful the Texas sky) this whole time, and now the fasting time is over. I felt so saddened at that time being over. Perhaps that's when I most felt an absence. there was nothing more I could do in the immediate...I looked out over the lake behind my parents' home and observed the sun deep in the west. It was obscured by a neighbor's fence. I wished it had been earlier in the magic hour so I could look at it and then East, towards Mecca. Somewhere I am sure an ezan wailed across a city from a minaret...I longed to hear that, as I can in Türkiye, beautifully and mournfully coming out from several mosques simultaneously...the ancient sound of praising Allah...so desperate and so humble. Foreign, beautiful, and exotic, yet familiar in the fabric of my blood. Bridging the distant gap between all oceans from Türkiye to here. Boston. Houston. I longed to hear these sounds ~ Arabic prayers from the Koran in a quavering male voice - so much that I got my laptop and searched desperately for some audio clips. And I found them. I found one that was 7 minutes, and I blasted it, sounding rough through my small computer speakers and being of poor audio quality to begin with. But its gritty nature was just the salve I sought. This whole experience was gritty. Grit grit grit.

And then I heard about the fire at Pan 9 - the space I so dearly loved and in which fell in love, created much music, performed, etc.

A crappy end to 2006 for yours truly, but I still have much hope for 2007. Hope springs infernal.

Mysterious Stranger

2006-12-18T15:11:00.000-08:00

Today, gray outside, waiting for the bus in Harvard Square. Dim sky. Slight sprinkle.

I heard an annoying tapping sound emanating from a very nearby building. I finally looked up, and through heavy tinting I could see a human form waving at me, but I could not distinguish any familiar features or a face.

I think it was a male.

It was a Harvard library, and I doubted I knew anyone who went there.

Anyway, it was strange. The person kept tapping, but I just put in my earbuds and tuned into Blur instead. I didn't think I knew the person. I almost thought it might have been a child.

I was tired, New Englande seeping into my bloodstream like weak Earl Grey.

Thoughts on Love:
There are 2 stages in a romantic relationship, within which I waffle back and forth - formulative experience and personality erosion. I suppose they are concurrent, actually.

Had fun traveling around New England this weekend. Even sat in on vocals last night, with Garvy J. Possibly at their show on Thursday also. Making new friends within my tribe.

Influences of late: Anais Nin ~ glancing through her diary from 1934-1937 found much cool imagery and language
Rome and Italy ~ reading about the Renaissance of Italian Gardens
Trasteverine ~ new clothing line out of LA inspired by dressing miniature deities and the Trastevere quarter of Rome, nice gauzy look

The nightmare of my mother's illness is one from which I cannot wake. Things will never be the same. It haunts and vexes me.

Currently reading :
The Renaissance of Italian Gardens
By Lorenza De'Medici
Release date: By 07 October, 1990

Saturn Return

2006-12-13T07:41:00.000-08:00

Current mood: loved
Category: Life

Saturn Return is kicking my ass. I've been going through quite possibly one of the hardest, if not THE, times in my life.

It is a completely mixed bag of sickness and euphoria.

Total balance in goodness and tragedy.

I've been in a coccoon of sorts. People tell me of the outside world and its goings-on. I barely look up to notice.

I've got new songs in my head that won't be quiet. They are looping constantly. I may not be perfectly happy with the lyrics yet, but hey, melody is king. And I've been wanting new ones.

Playing more helps.

Hanging out with musicians again helps tremendously.

All sorts of beautiful and thought-provoking influences have been tossed my way, expanding my world view and scope.

For this I give thanks.
~~~~~
I checked out a cool new cafe in Central Square yesterday. It's called Andala. Totally Middle-Eastern and right around the corner from my house. I've been praying for something like this, for I occasionally tire of 1369, Carberry's and Toscanini's.

Andala has lots of Turkish carpets and kilims and Arabic everywhere. It speaks to my Middle Eastern blood.

I wanna take all my friends there...

When I am well again, I will try their coffee.

~~~
Something I wrote recently:

Driving with you in early morning light. We own the city. The highway, empty roads. All with bluish hue like hyper colour or acid eyes. Soft serene edgy filter. Eyes shadowed and lined. Not with tears but with black kohl and liquid haute glamour. Sharpnesses outlining the buildings and things.

How I love being here, amidst backroads and alleys. The city in my heart's blood.

The Fragile Balance

2006-11-30T07:27:00.000-08:00

OK, so things have gotten worse with my mom. She's now in the ICU. My dad said they found blood clots in her lungs, and in her leg, which is very swollen. They are postponing the surgery. She'll be in the hospital for at least 7 days.

On top of all this, the hospital she's in is closing on Saturday - the day after tomorrow. So they're gonna have to move her. Her condition is fragile--- They are moving all the patients in a parade of ambulances. What a spectacle it will be. Sad parade.

Every time my phone rang yesterday, it was traumatizing, because my dad's reports of the situation became progressively more disconcerting.

...................................

I'm at work now. I went to the post office to mail off 7 poems for submission to Handsome. How I hope they publish me. I would love to have some work printed in a nicely bound journal. The things I presented were mostly lyrics, but as Joseph told me, the greatest musicians are really gifted poets. And again, I think on Jim Morrison suggesting to Nico that she read Blake and Coleridge.

Today is the last day for submission, and I work well under pressure - minimally editing them late last night, my mind finally able to focus.

Listened to Garvy J on WMFO last night. Sounded very pretty ~ the freqs all blending harmoniously. Josh's voice is nice and soothing. In the interview afterwards, he mentioned how he wants to play new places and I can relate. I'm always on the search for the new - the things to make me feel alive and not dull, stale, and like everything is set in cement. To flow. But then, I often feel like a baby constantly discovering things about this world. Like I've been here before. Like I've got all of humankind's memory and history in my brain, but that I have to live it out for myself.

I have not been able to rest very well the past few nights. Jet lag and my mom have kept my unconscious mind go-go-going. It's as if I can feel a kind of buzzing while I sleep.

I can't wait for the weekend. I long to rest. Although, the horoscope says the weekend is supposed to be wild with the moon waxing...Monday is the last full moon of the year 2006 AD.

I've got to prepare some lead sheets for the band for practice tonight. Looking forward to that. Looking over my old ideas can delightfuly spark new ones.

New Ritual

2006-11-29T07:32:00.000-08:00

Om. Zen blog.

Got back home last night. And as is typical of me, I wasn't even home for more than an hour before I left.

I had to go make music. I missed my sweet-stringed instruments dearly as though they were the offspring of my womb. And the songs they inspire...

I have a new ritual; I go grocery shopping and take the groceries with me to the rehearsal space. It's just become more convenient that way, due to my hectic schedule.

The lettuce sat there in the bag while I rocked out on my banjer and mando. I hope I didn't do any structural damage to it...

And OMG, I've discovered chorus!! Lookout world. My next album will be called, "When Girls Play with Effects". Not really, of course.

I've been feeling extremely positive lately. One of my friends who lives on the West Coast said he hadn't ever heard me speak so positively before.

I felt some negativity trying to eat its way into my soul again, but something automatic is keeping it at bay.

It's like when the muse comes, and does its thing and I have no say. Must OBEY.

Currently listening :
Celebrity Skin

Holiday Report

2006-11-25T17:38:00.000-08:00

In Texas now.

Family totally distracting me. Literally. My dad just asked me what I was doing and what a blog is.

I came home this year to find my mom in a wheelchair with a fractured hip. She is really suffering right now. She's a very active person and this is making her pretty bitter. I heard her asking God why this happened to her. I told her, though I am agnostic, not to question God. Seems like a slippery slope.

If she stays off her feet, which she is trying to do, it should heal on its own. The alternative is surgery...

She just got a nice new car, but can't even drive it yet. I got to drive it yesterday and it was fun.

The dusk here is so nice. The hues of the big beautiful Texas sky surrounding and enveloping all. A peaceful quiet descends. Smells of mesquite that are real and so much better than the incense cones of pinon I sometimes have to light.

Here there are TVs and radios, sometimes simultaneously, on.

I feel very lethargic today. Everything here is designed for cars, not walking. The lack of motion and movement makes me so sleepy.

Hung out with JJ and Marisol {LA friends}, who happen to be in town visitng their relatives too, and staying nearby. We went to a rock show downtown on Thanksgiving night. Bands included: Lethargic, Death Row Skull, and The Turkeys. Yes, I can say I saw the Turkeys on Turkey Day.

This morning I listened to Victor Venckus's Expanding Awareness Radio Show on 90.3fm WZBC in Newton, MA. First, I listened intently to the astrology report, as presented by Dietrich Pessin. I try to listen every Saturday - mostly via stream these years due to my poor radio reception...It's on at about 9:45am. I know I've mentioned it here before, but I think it's awesome. Dietrich's voice has comforted me in her regularity for over 8 years now.

The part of the show about the paranormal today dealt with Montauk, NY. And something called the Montauk Project. There was a guest on who apparently has written a series of books on the phenomena occurring there. I forget his name but he was pretty adamant. He spoke of interferences of electro-magnetic fields, Nazis, and Stepford wives. Who knew Montauk had so much going on? But the main point was about synchronicity.

Synchronicity is defined as "Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related, conceived in Jungian theory as an explanatory principle on the same order as causality" and the funny thing is that even upon hearing this show at this particular time in my life I feel I am experiencing it for myself. Not the first time. One in a series of many.

Montauk. Yeah, apt right now. I am not at liberty to elaborate, dear reader, and I am not trying merely to tease you either. But my lips are partly sealed on a few fronts. And I, of which surely you must by now be aware, have a hard time keeping details of my life quiet for ANY length of time, substantial or not.

Speaking of devils and them appearing/calling etc. and on and on.

Sometimes I think so hard about someone they appear in my life in some way.

Twilight Singers

2006-11-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

Current mood: working

Last night, I went to see the Twilight Singers. Mark Lanegan was there too.

It was a pretty fun show. I rarely go out to shows these days, but I had been looking forward to this one for a little while, especially 'cause I missed 'em last time.

The band was so funny about smoking onstage. They all smoked very proudly throughout the entire show. Puffing away like it was their last day of smoking or something...Greg Dulli had a handy little attachment to his mic stand that held his drink and an ashtray.

He had a pretty guitar - black, a Gibson Les Paul, I think. Sounded real nice.

Mark Lanegan came up onstage only a few times, and I didn't recognize any of those songs...I only have one of the band's albums. There was totally annoying feedback during a few of his numbers, and during the first song, it seemed like they didn't turn the mic on the poor chap until a minute or two had gone by.

I'm not so interested in "ROCK" these days, but the Twilight Singers do it right. Piano, guitars, percussion. Big sound. Energetic, passionate, desperate, genuine.

I didn't catch Greg Dulli snorting any lines of his amp this time...maybe those days are in the past?

I left after the first song or two of the encore. I wanted to hear Strange Fruit, or some other songs from the album I had, but I was tired and had to work the next day, so I split. Plus, that day I suffered a small puncture wound to my right thumb while changing strings on my new mando.

RE::NYC
My trip was fruitful. I did some business down there that could lead to recording in January, and on 2" tape, which rocks my world!!

Hung out with my Bliss. She's got so much great advice on showbiz, and matters of the heart.

We went to see "The Prestige", with Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman. Bale's character was not so appealing to me. I guess it may not make sense, but I thought he was WAY hotter in American Psycho. Whew! The movie was good, though - lots of double-crossing, etc.

Funny, last time I was in New York, I was hanging out in a park and the friend I was with thought he saw Christian Bale walk by...

The Deficiency

2006-11-12T15:52:00.000-08:00

Current mood: hungry
Category: Life

Coming into NYC by coach last night, I spotted some folks hanging out on a rooftop. I thought they were barbecuing, but they were actually filming something...I saw the high-powered lights like the kind we used making Joe's video.

The dusk, my favorite time of day, was gorgeous and left me feeling dreamy, passing through Connecticut. Misty, smoky sfumato. Water and lights in the dusk. Sleepy. Ocean culture. Made me want to eat seafood by the ocean.

Finished the Jimmy Scott bio. Pleasant reading. A cautionary tale of how not to handle business affairs.

My dear friend and former boss once said when he was in music engineering school some bigshot came to lecture and said, "There are two kinds of people in this business - lions and lambs." Some folks, lambs, play by the rules and do everything by the book. Then there are lions who just do it. And roar. But the point with all of this was that if you're a lion, you better cover yr ass in case something goes awry.

As I mentioned before, Jimmy Scott suffers from Kallman's Syndome - preventing onset of puberty. In the book, David Ritz explains that Jimmy refers to this manhood issue as The Deficiency. They talk openly with him and his multiple ex-wives about it. The wives always claim he was a fine lover. One passage described his first sexual encounter with one these women. Apparently Jimmy said, "I hope I don't offend you. I've got a short joint." So polite. I've never been warned like that...

Beautiful World

2006-11-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

So hope is very high after this blessed election. Winds of change sweeping in.

I just hope that real progress and work takes place.

~~~~~~

I've noticed Goldfrapp is being used in at least 2 TV commercials...

~~~~~~

Here are some wonderful Turkish songs a friend sent me the link to:

http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/turkish.mp3
http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/turkishvx.mp3
http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/TurkishIndian.mp3
http://www.libraryofvinyl.org/love1_1/love1_1.htm

They are from Rob Chalfen's website.

They make me feel like a happy Ottoman.

~~~~~~

My mood is pretty happy yesterday and today:)

~~~~~~

I'm probably going to NYC this weekend, to visit Bliss and do some business. Some very positive things are in the works.

~~~~~~

I quit a band for the second time this year. The time has come for me to focus and get more serious, and with the long haul of winter coming on, I must conserve energy.

~~~~~~

I burn a candle almost every night. When I was in Prague summer '05, Erik's gfriend Heather would burn a little candle at night, late when we came home from exploring the city. It was in a brass stand. Such a simple thing, but the awe of man to fire still affects. {California}

It could also have something to do with the fact that I've been sightreading Bartok for piano lately.

Ne menj el.

Currently reading :
Faith in Time: The Life of Jimmy Scott
By David Ritz
Release date: By 02 September, 2003

Melange

2006-11-07T06:57:00.000-08:00

Well well well...

I very much enjoyed the full moon last weekend. The nights here were clear and crisp, with the BIG moon (((O))) shining.

I'm excited to get out an' VOTE today.

Had some strange dreams lately. The usual alpacalyptic kind.

Went to see the artwork of John Lennon in Harvard Square on Sunday. Left me feeling like love is possible and hope for humanity and peace...I got a real kick out of seeing his handwritten lyrics. I love that stuff. To see it in the writer's own handwriting...The show was a benefit for the Brattle Theatre and I wanted to show support.

It was also interesting to read the descriptions of each piece - commentary. I wonder if it was all written by Yoko. There was one piece that was lyrics to a song about him choosing between Cynthia and Yoko. He said that situation made him feel suicidal.

Had a show Sunday, solo and with Narcoterror. The solo set went pretty well. There were a few clams, but who's counting. Sometimes, I get MORE nervous as the show progresses instead of calming down. I did a new song, though, and that always feels so damn good.

Warren came out. That was nice, like candleight and DuBonnet on ice...Paradise...

Anyway, I got so into one of the NT songs, that as soon as my hand hit my little riq, I broke it! That was exciting to me.

I'm currently reading about the jazz singer Jimmy Scott, and boy is he fascinating. He came through Boston not that long ago, and I hope he will again, though he's probably like 83 by now...This book, written by David Ritz, is most inspiring. What musicians, especially black musicians, went through back then is so humbling to me.

My guitar teacher encourages me to get behind the beat, and Jimmy Scott lives behind the beat. Maybe there's somethiing to it...

I'm excited about the new band. We're making recording plans that could involve travel.

An Accounting

2006-11-02T08:46:00.000-08:00

Pix from my rock show the other night from Sid of Too Much Rock fame:
http://toomuchrock.com/shows/guillermo.html

More pix by another attendee (Dean Splean):

http://splean.org/files/20061024-3.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-90.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-91.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-92.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-93.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-94.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-95.jpg
http://splean.org/files/20061024-96.jpg

Don't forget to watch TV in Somerville this Friday. 8PM Channel 3 and you'll see me.

I'm looking forward to Sunday at ZuZu. I'm perfing solo and with Narcoterror.

I'll be doing covers by Marianne Faithfull, Nick Cave (Roland S.Howard, technically), Nico, and some new pieces I'm PSYCHED about, including the debut of my song about The Cloud Club. That one's been in the making for 3 years...

Be amongst those who hear it first this Sunday at ZuZu. It's a free show fer Chrissakes...10PM.

Also check out this video clip from PURE - the art show I was part of a few weeks back. You can see me in it briefly, in my fez, and you can hear my accordion...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh6k4BggTdk

SCAT etc.

2006-10-28T01:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I did a live solo perf for cable TV in Somerville, MA. It was part of the Rock Candy show. http://www.therockcandyshow.com

The set will air each Friday in November at 8PM on Channel 3 in Somerville. They are going to provide me with a copy of the show, which I'll try to turn into YouTube clips or something, since only Somervillians can watch the show in real time...

It was a lot of fun. My old friend from Berklee, Tim Franklin, is the audio engineer, and he got me the gig.

I wasn't nervous at all, really, and I chalk that up to being tired from my show with Black Fortress the night before.

But, boy, did we rock. A lot of new material and a PJ Harvey cover where I song the Thom Yorke part and Tony sings the PJ part. Pretty fun, and funny!

Anyway, I've Roct this Tober. Looking forward to a little rest over the next few days.

SCAT etc.

2006-10-28T00:59:00.000-07:00

That's Entertainment

2006-10-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

Last night was the debut.

Firsts are important to me. And this was the first time I played out with a full band doing my own songs.

IT FUCKING ROCKED, MOM.

A lot of friends came out to support. It was pretty full and the energy level was high during our set. People liked it and we had a blast, so that's a successful show.

My friend Tinuviel drove down from Maine to check it out, and to say hi to Dame Darcy, too. T rocks for trekking down.

I didn't get to chat with folks too much afterwards. I chilled out backstage for most of the night. I expended too much intense energy to be able to interact meaningfully. It's so emotionally exhausting. But worth it.

Tonight I'm gonna do a TV thing and I hope somebody anybody comes to the taping. Otherwise, it'll sound like "Live, at the Peach Pit A-Go-Go"...clap...clap.../.../.../...clap...

Hee hee. I'm trying to think of a pretty outfit to wear tonight, though I'm so tired from last night that I really just wanna curl up at home. I got dolled last night. Pulled out coat, dress, and boots stops. It felt so good to wear something different onstage.

But I still wore my cartouche 'cause that's who I am. The muthafuckin' qweeeen.

My rap album will be out in 2008.

Bloggy Dew

2006-10-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

Recent Dreams of Note:

Night before last~
Dreamt Syd Barrett was an old man. He was holding my hand like I was a little child again. He was guiding me, probably through nature into a boggy dew...unicorns, and the like.

Hint: Another side project is forming. This one's got a lovely concept. I think Warren's gonna be in it.

I woke up crying after the dream, fighting back the tears again. But don't worry because nothing is wrong at all. I'm in a very happy place.

Last night's dream:
Dan and I were at the deli again. They still wouldn't serve me. Why the snobbery??

Dreamscene Amongst

2006-10-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

As I type this, the treetops around here are ablaze with most lovely hues. Inspiring and life-affirming.

Last night I played at Toad, in Cambridge, opening for Monique Ortiz.

Monique was awesome. She and her guitarist, Jim Moran, play beautifully together. She tells the story, and lays down the groove, and he play soft occasional tones. So minimal and so effective. Downright made me miss TQ.

It was kind of a rowdy crowd, especially when I went on. Some folkies played before me and got everyone all riled up.

Brian and Amanda in my dreams again. This time, I was hanging out with HUMANWINE, though, when A&B rolled onto the dreamscene. I chalk this up to reading Amanda's blog periodically, seeing a DD's email yesterday, and seeing a pic of ::aforementioned band who insists on being spelled with all caps:: online yesterday.

Figuring out where dreams derive comforts me.

Playing Ad's BDay tomorrow. I hope there's cake!!

Warren's been sweet about taping cable shows like Signe Chanel for me. Yay where rabbits live...

Too Much Flesh and Not Enough Action

2006-10-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

That was a phrase from an article about being fat - esp. kids whose parents have poor eating habits.

Anyway, so I have news. Yesterday I bought a new mandolin. Yes, new. Not too pricey, but a necessary tool of my trade as a troubadour.

It's acoustic-electric, which means I can now hear what I'm playing despite the din of the countless doom metal bands practicing all around me. Yeah, baby, I can really rock out now.

It's a Fender. Made in Korea:( But hopefully it'll still last me awhile. I didn't want to deal with the issues my old one presented, but now I see there are only bright sides to having something new. Except for the $$$ factor.

Thanks to my bandmate for pushing me to better my set-up. This time has come.

Now I can keep my old one at home - and who know, it may inspire me to write new songs on it.

Last night, I went to the Model after rehearsing tonight's set. I was hanging out with some friends and handing out flyers, when along comes Bill Desmond. I introduced myself. Been wanting to meet him for years. He was friendly, also handing out flyers - for an upcoming Bentmen show (10/21). He bought us all drinks, and told us about his daughter's set at TT's the night before. It's so cute to see a proud papa:)

I'm busy the next few days - show tonight, show Friday/friend's BDay, PURE artshow participation on Saturday, underwear party Sat. night...

And then Narcovember shall descend upon us. In a cold wind, when leaves swirl 'round...

I LOVE CAMBRIDGE IN THE AUTUMN.

I've begun work on a battle cry for The Fortress. Afyonkarahisar, as I said before, is rich with lore and history.

A few facts:
It was settled by the Romans, then the Byzantines. This was after the Hittites, Lydians, and Phrygians passed through.

I'm also working on a cabaret/piano bar-type project. It's called Medicine Chest. More soon.

Dreams

2006-10-05T06:50:00.000-07:00

Part 1:

Traveling again. Large body of water. Darkness. A strange feeling like going through a tunnel. Turkiye. With my parents. I didn't have my passport. But then I did have it.

Lately, I have many dreams about traveling and missing flights, etc. What does it mean???

Part 2:

Cynthia. Recalling a story to me, as if a dream within a dream. I found some kind of document with her writing that was like a letter to me or something. Her voice, in a voice-over. Vignettes. One involving a pipe with some disgusting fluid flowing harshly through it and spilling out along its way. It was like blood bile and puke and some other bodily stuff. It was the color of grapefruit juice. As I saw this disgusting liquid, I heard Cynthia's voice telling me she had protected me from certain things, but not in such obvious terms.

It's like I was in Ouspensky's basement. Perhaps I am.

Lately some days I'm not sure if my outfits match anymore, and it makes me think I may be losing it.

Camille Paglia said it's the artist's obligation to withdraw from society to create a body of work. I can see why.

Where did all my time go? Email? That's pathetic.

I read the new Uncut - all about Syd Barrett. There was a little quote about him from Damon Albarn, too. He mentioned a record he did a few years ago that he didn't think anyone heard, one that was totally inspired by Syd. DemoCrazy it's called. I have it. It's a 10" vinyl record. Cool and trippy. I bought it on a whim, as usual. It seems as though Albarn is rising in my mind as an inspiration.

The onion the oignon.

I barely spoke to anyone last night, and it felt nice, quiet, tranquil - calm. {Except when an old lover's cell phone rang me twice by accident.} Still, even that didn't rattle me. It can be so nice to just sit and read and sleep. I'm so lucid most of the time it can be exhausting.

I feel a certain erosion of personality taking place, even as I become stronger and more sure.

John Cage spoke of complete contrast and being comfortable with two opposites.

Painting the Red Door BLACK

2006-10-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so Black Fortress did a warm up gig in Portsmouth, NH. Though, it was initially booked under my name.

Cute little place. Kind of a nice wine bar vibe. A little bigger than my local haunt of ZuZu. Lots of candles. The series is called Hush Hush Sweet Harlot, after the Bette David flick (according to my boyfriend's roommate). And there was indeed a hushed vibe during the perfs.

Tony, my guitar player and guiding light, could not get there before a certain time. There was a brief moment where the booker seemed annoyed because, although she had previously informed us we wouldn't be playing until 9:30/10, this night she wanted us to go on first at 8:30.

SO we went on last instead. The room was pretty empty by then. 2 friends, the booking agent, another of the performers, and finally some rakish lads looking for a nightcap.

That aside, the set went well. Felt fuckin' good to play some new stuff. I'd previously only performed ONE of the set's songs with any band. People seemed to like it. I could hear myself ok.

The mando gave me trrrouble, which Tony pointed out is unacceptable. I'm in the market for a newer, nicer one. One that doesn't go out of tune every two seconds and has a pickup and a volume knob.

On the way up to the gig, I was relegated to the backseat. I was cramped in amongst the gear like a stowaway. My booted legs in my lap. This was for over an hour. My legs felt kinda funny the rest of the night.

But never mind that. One must accept and be humble at times. Suck it up and use it somewhere else.

While waiting for our set time, I was enjoying my whiskey when some dude next me started trying to chat me up. Anyway, at some point after I thought he had left, he calls me out by name and motions me over. He half-introduced me to some chap who promotes bands or something. This chap was vague about who he was/what he did. I asked if he was gonna stay for the show, but he mentioned something about owing someone in the room quite a large sum of money, and so probably not.

Then he signed over a check to me. That check is my current bread and butter. Quite literally.

A stranger giving me money. A first.

Anway, Joe shot video of our set, so I'll post some of the BFof O page as soon as I get it and build it.

Setlist included:
Crack and Pool
Model Cafe
Ari
From a Woman to a Man
Dulcet TV (based on one of Warren's blogz)
Twelve Gross

We're gearing up now for our first BIG Boston show at the Lizard Lounge on 10/24.

Will I get the timing right?

2006-09-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

Worked on a new song tonight, on my banjer.

Such a woeful Texas heart have I.

Anyways, far as I can figure, this'un's gonna make folks cry; it does me anyway.

Somethin' about those sympathetic vibrations in them thar strings. Keeps me coming back every time.

Sometimes I wanna walk, and I do, and it's still not far enough to think about everything. I reach my destination too soon.

I feel soft and lonely; peaceful, though. Not a loneliness for some temporary distraction or frustration, but for something deeper. Myself feeling things consoling myself.

Had tea with dinner and I want more now, but I don't have the kind they have at the Chinese food store. I have loads of green teas, and chamomiles, and what not, but still not their kind.

Pare it all down; whittle to the nub. Some of the best times I've had have been traveling alone with my guitar. And little, bellied mandolin.

I've become accustomed to traveling alone. Grown to like it, and not fight it any longer.

Naming the Mysterious

2006-09-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

Klonk bonk klonk. An acorn hit me on the head today while walking to work. It's ok, it didn't hurt too much. The streets are strewn with acorn crumbs so dry and crunchy underfoot. A field day for the ever-fatter squirrels.

Yesterday I went to a poetry reading by Franz Wright. It was sponsored by AGNI, some literary society at Boston University or something...Details escape me.

My poet friend Sarah told me about it.

It was enjoyable. So nice to hear something usually experienced in the cold, harsh, un-intimate setting between one's mind and a piece of paper spoken - and from the author's mouth. Though, as he acknowledged, it never comes out the same way you thought of it, and likened reciting the lines to acting.

Wright, who has published several books and whose work has appeared in The New Yorker, etc, was very open about how inspired he had been during some of the hardest times in his life, due to drug addiction & abuse.

Speaking with him afterwards, he reminded me of myself. Getting older, yet still basking in the mysterious wonderousness that is this life. Forever like a child.

The speaker who introduced Mr. Wright referred repeatedly to the poet's work being about God. This set me off a touch, but when he launched into one of his first pieces and it dealt with being in a bar, a teenage girl, and a transsexual whore, I feared nor expected rhetoric any longer.

So much news

2006-09-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

OK, just heard that Don Walser is dead. Tragedy. He was an amazing yodeling cowboy. Also known as the Pavarotti of the Plains. I saw him once in Houston, opening for Foetus I think...so long ago. I must check my concert archive log.

I voted in the Mass primary on Tuesday and my candidate won. Rare!!!!

Before voting, I perused the Globe and discovered some interesting things. John Zorn was recently awarded a MacArthur Fellowship, which = $500K, paid in quarterly installments over 5 years. Also, Patricia Kennedy died. What does this signify? Well, in Narco-news it's significant because she worked with the National Center on Addiction in NYC. Plus she was a Kennedy, and considered the prettiest of the sisters. She also supported the arts scene in NYC.

More Narco-news: Narcoterror has cool shirts with a pretty poppy on them. I still need a band name...anyone have a sugestion? Some recent ones have been: Cruella de Piils, Unstrung Heroine, Unsung Heroine...

I read in ASCAP's magazine about a documentary called Methadonia. Sounded interesting.

~~~~~~

I'm excited to be participating in an arts show next month in Boston, called PURE. I will be working with two old friends, with whom I've never before collaborated. I volunteered to be naked if necessary. All in the name of art! Even if I am partly clothed, it will still be cool and sexxxy. Mainly 'cause of the other performers...but some tools I'll be using include a fez and my wheezy, coughy, sputtery accordion.

~~~

I'm currently high on decaf soy pumpkin latte. Livin' on the edge, I know...

~~~

So, I'm excited about the independent movie soundtrack I'm working on. Had a lovely chat with the director about it last night. I've already submitted several pieces and she is using some in the rough cut. Pianer, banjer, and geetar. Vox Humana to come. A familiar melody some of you may know...

~~~

I watched half of Ric Burns's Andy Warhol documentary on PBS last night. Only half 'cause of the call aforementioned. I got emotional watching it. Regardless of what kind of person Andy was, his life story is so interesting and inspiring. Remember when I blogged about the crying dream I had after reading about Thom Yorke's solo album, and how affected i was by how one person can change the world so much...well, that's how I felt again. Plus, after reading 'Factory Made', it was cool to see and hear {the narrator} more of the Andy story. It seemed like they quoted that book a lot. Thanks to Dan for loaning it to me.

Plus, day before yesterday a friend sent me a COOL article on Nico written by Steve Severin {Siouxsie & the Banshees/The Glove). Speaking of which, I highly recommend the Nocturne DVD. I think I already mentioned that here, though...I am prone to repeating myself upon being enthused about something.

~~~

Got a postcard from Erik day before yesterday. He's traveling around Croatia, etc. He ALWAYS send a card from each and every journey, and they brighten my days. He always sounds upbeat. He inspires me to travel more.

When fall comes 'round, I particularly miss the West Coast.

~~~

Black Fortress of Opium rehearsals are coming along so well, I couldn't be more pleased. This era finds me more motivated than ever. These chaps are so good and fast I can hardly write 'em fast enough. Terms like "Opus of Death" and "Masterwork" have been tossed around for good reason. It makes my heart sing and dance.

The other night I walked in the pouring rain without an umbrella to deliver discs to my bandmates and got soaked. Normally, I may seem prissy, and can't stand being caught without an umbrella, but this night I didn't care one bit. I walked wet with pride.

First to arrive and last to leave. This is how a queen must rule her realm.

BTW, Model Cafe has come alive. If only I could post MP3s here!!!

Odds & Ends/Belle de Jour

2006-09-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

A bit more about NY.

It rained during the first part of my stay. I borrowed an umbrella, but struggled with it. It was a mean, hungry umbrella that chewed my fingers and gave me two blood blisters. Ay yay yay!

Apparently, it had rained a lot in NYC as of late, and there were so many mosquitoes. I got eaten alive twice. One of those times was inside Zebulon, the club where I played. They had huge windows they kept opening and closing. I played seated, and when I left the stage I discovered I had been bitten on the knees.

Last night I caught much of the movie Belle de Jour on cable. I really liked it. No one does kinky and psychologically perverse like the French!

I really felt like it was a rare example of a movie through a woman's eyes. {Christ, sometimes I get so used to media filtered through men's perception that I think I'm slowly becoming a man!} The main character was *so* believable. The lengths they went to to film such a thing! Her dreams and fantasies...

And the clothes. Her coat. Why oh why are Americans (especially) so boringly casual?

So one of my fave local publishers is seeking poetry submissions for a new literary journal and I am so excited to submit. Black Ocean. http://blackocean.org

Factors influencing me recently:
1. Anita Berber
2. David Tibet on the cover of The Wire

Holding My Peace

2006-09-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

I'm so behind in blogging. I meant to do an NYC 2 installment, but I got back to Boston, and I felt like it would be sending a postcard from my hometown because I lamely didn't make it to the foreign post office...

So, onto NYC II:
Tuesday night, last week I play Zebulon. It's a nice bar/restaurant in the wb - Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Zebulon. They had my name misspelled on the chalkboard outside when I arrived. I asked for the chalk, but they apologized profusely and changed it for me. They comped all my drinks and food - a help when traveling, not to mention respectful to the performer.

Martin Bisi (producer of Sonic Youth, Swans, Dresden Dolls, many more) came. Very nice and funny chap, he was. Bought me disc. Regaled me with stories of Jim Thirlwell and Diamanda Galas. He knew my friend Bliss, and I think they caught up a bit...

I wasn't planning to stay past Wednesday, really. However, things developed nicely and I started to fall more in love with the city, the longer I stayed. I sat in Tompkins Square Park, smoked a cigar, went record-shopping, walked around SoHo.

I saw Bliss play two shows - one solo and one with her band The Moonlighters. Both were awesome. Her presence onstage is fierce. She's subtle, and that's what's so powerful.

Subtlety and nuance.

So after her solo show we went to a little cafe in Park Slope called Cafe Steinhof. There were a lot of cowboy hats in the room, which is funny, as a Texan...to see in NYC, but whatever. There was a little group called The Useless Bastards playing countryish songs. Bliss and I split a German beer and observed and enjoyed. She sat in with them on a Johnny Cash song...

On Thursday, my last day, I ambled around NY a bit. One place I popped by was Kiki de Montparnasse ~ a beautiful sex shop. I read about it in Paper - that they had a signed Man Ray. And they do. La Priere.

When I got back to Brooklyn, I hung out with Bliss and her bro Steve, watching Democracy Now. It was interesting to see Amy Goodman's face, because I had previously only heard her on WZBC. Of course, with the 5-yr anniversary of 9/11 coming up, there was much talk of Ground Zero. There's something different about watching a program like that in NYC. I felt more protective. Of the city. Staying with Bliss and Steve really felt like family - the good kind. Such a warm vibe. We went out for Turkish food that night and came back and watched Shaun of the Dead over shots of whiskey:)

Bliss has a great politically-aware blog:
http://www.jacksonisfurtherawaythancrazy.blogspot.com/

Don't forget the Mass State Primary is coming up. Tuesday September 19th. Don't forget to revolt!!

I've got more shows coming up.

October 2nd
Red Door
107 State Street
Portsmouth, NH
8PM Doors, 21+
$5 suggested donation
performing with: Matt Keating
(Pleeze tell NH friends!!)

October 4th
Lily Pad
1353 Cambridge St
Inman Sq
8PM
opening for Monique Ortiz (Bourbon Princess) It's her solo CD-release!

October 24th
Lizard Lounge
1667 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, MA
$8
performing with: Dame Darcy's Death By Doll, Guillermo Sexo, Fluttr Effect
Note: This will be the first official show with my new band BLACK FORTRESS OF OPIUM.

NYC Blog

2006-09-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

Howdy,

Well I've been in NYC almost a day now. Nice to get out of Boston. No disrespect, but especially with Moving Day and my 5 new housemates...it can be a bit much.

Let the dust settle before I return.

Went to a nice backyard BBQ with my dear old friend Bliss. The marinade on the steak was so delicious.

Garlic, lemon juice, yoghurt, dill, and salt. MMmm. The dill reminded me of Turkish food.

So tonight's my big night. First Ajda show in NYC, or anywhere but Boston on the east coast.

Some friends here are gonna come and that will be nice.

Life on the road is rough. I told myself NY wouldn't be a big deal, but wouldn't you know some older black man totally got in my face and screamed at me and threatened to slap me on the subway yesterday.

Bliss was there and she shouted at him. I was so shocked I almost forgot to get off the train at that stop. But we did, and then I was fine.

There is no rationalizing why someone does something like that, so after a few minutes I quit trying to.

Anyway, today I hope to find the purrfect cup of coffee. I should always have decaf because caffeine can cause hardening of fibrous breast tissue, which hurts and feels weird. But Bliss says taking vitamin E, which I already do, can make that problem go away.

I wish I had booked a show in NJ or something, now that I'm all the way down here...

There are 4 cats where I'm staying and they are very well-behaved. Bentley, Misha, Lovecraft, and Leo. Bentley has a bent tail, which I've never seen before, and the *cutest* little face and a voice to match.

For the past two days or so, maybe even the past five, every day feels like Sunday.

Last night Bliss's band The Moonlighters played a joint called the Rodeo Bar in Manhattan. The place is done totally over the top Texas-style. Flags on everything - even the speaker covers. BBQ. A buffalo busting into one wall... Imagine that. I come all the way to NYC, and they wanna catapult me back home to the heartland of my dear sweet old Tejas.

Well, it felt like home yeah. That's one thing I like about NYC. These little enclaves of culture/ethnicity. Though, according to locals, it's disappearing amidst rampant gentrification. They build lofts and luxury condos that no one wants to rent...

I'll end it there.